Tallissa
Beginner August 2021

Bridesmaid Dilemma

Tallissa, on August 27, 2020 at 4:36 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 27
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Hi everyone!
I asked a cousin to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. She viewed the message, but has not responded. Would it be wrong if I take that as a no and move on?

27 Comments

Latest activity by Kiara, on August 29, 2020 at 9:43 PM
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    How much time has passed between her viewing the message and not responding? If I were you, I'd follow up to make sure that she actually got the message

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  • Samantha
    Dedicated July 2021
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    I would send a follow-up text along the lines of

    "Hey, I wanted to check-in about you being a part of my wedding party. I completely understand if you don't want to or can't, I just need to know so that I can make other plans."

    Or something. A lot of times texts get opened, set to the side with the best of intentions to reply later, and then just get lost in the daily chaos. Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I would also just sent a follow up just in case she saw it and forgot to respond.
    • Reply
  • Tallissa
    Beginner August 2021
    Tallissa ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    It’s been seven hours (I know .. impatient me LOL) but I would like to go ahead and start working on some things for my bridesmaids. It’s also saying she read the message.
    • Reply
  • Molly
    VIP September 2020
    Molly ·
    • Flag

    I would follow up before you count her out.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    I would give her a few days to respond, or maybe even call her. Do you talk often?

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  • Tallissa
    Beginner August 2021
    Tallissa ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    We see each other at least once a week
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
    • Flag
    I would give her at least a full day or two to respond, or since you said you see her usually once per week, I would maybe follow up with her the next time you see her if she hasn't responded by then.
    • Reply
  • Danie
    Beginner September 2021
    Danie ·
    • Flag
    I would loop back and say, “hey (cousins name), it is totally ok if you don’t feel comfortable being a bridesmaid but I do need an answer either way so I can finalize my wedding party”
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Expert October 2021
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    The 'read message' is sometimes misleading. When messages pop up on my screen when I'm in the middle of things a lot of the time I swipe them but don't actually read them. Call her, this is the best way to communicate with someone directly.
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    In that case, I would DEFINITELY give her more time to respond! From your original post, I assumed you were talking, say, a week. I'd probably let it be for the rest of the day and follow up with her tomorrow or over the weekend

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  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    I would send a follow up and let her know that it’s okay if she doesn’t want to be in the bridal party, but you need an answer!
    • Reply
  • Jana
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
    • Flag
    Give her a call to follow up. A 'read' message can mean anything really from a technical glitch with how the phone is designed when the messages pop up or she could have seen it and got busy/sidetracked before she could reply.


    Don't discount it until you actually talk to her.
    • Reply
  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
    • Flag
    I think you at least need to give her a day or two to think about it before following up. Sometimes people need to look into if they’d be able to afford it, etc. before committing to it!
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Beginner October 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    You said you messaged her, does that mean you asked through a text or email? I think you definitely need to call her or try to see her in person to talk. I think something as special as asking someone to be in your wedding deserves a little more than a message.
    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    This is your potential bridesmaid, yet for something so meaningful, asking via text isn’t a very personal approach. So I’m not sure how I’d feel or if I’d respond either if I received such a text. I mean. what if your fiancé proposed via text (just a thought)? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan of the bridesmaid proposal boxes and that hoopla. But I do believe that if you’re asking someone to stand by you during your wedding, that it deserves to be done verbally, either in person or via phone or zoom/Facetime. But, unfortunately, a text feels very halfhearted and lackadaisical.
    • Reply
  • Tallissa
    Beginner August 2021
    Tallissa ·
    • Flag
    I actually went to see her and she thought she had responded but the message didn’t go through. She said yes! I can officially start working on things for my girls now. I also asked if any of them took offense to me asking via text and they all said no .. they understand that I’m a full time mom, I work full time, and I’m a full time student .. and now I’m planning a wedding on top of all that. I think everyone has to do what works for them at the end of the day. Thank you all for your replies! ♥️
    • Reply
  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    I agree with everyone else on this, I'd send a follow up message and make sure she got it. And if she did get it and doesn't respond in a week I'd move on to someone else. If she seen it and doesn't want to be in your wedding she might not know how to tell you.
    • Reply
  • Alyssa
    Super December 2021
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag

    Call her-I very often don't check my phone or respond right away because people get busy. Girl needs to turn her read receipts off, lol.

    • Reply
  • Tisha
    Savvy August 2020
    Tisha ·
    • Flag
    Nope not all... move on
    • Reply

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