bridesmaid dilemma- hurting the feelings of a friend who was not chosen as maid of honor

Maybe consider telling her that you decided to go with a different friend as the MOH who is more into the planning aspect of the wedding. You can tell her that you still want her to be a part of the festivities, but that you thought she would enjoy it more just by being at it. Something like:

Marge: Have you decided on your MOH yet?

Jessie Lyn: I have. I chose my friend Chris to be my MOH. I know we have been close for a long time, which is why I thought you would rather just be a part of our day by joining in the party rather than helping plan it. But if you would like to help, I'll give you Chris' number and you can help where you see fit.

Actually, I think you don't have to justify your choice. If and only if she brings it up again, say, "I've chosen my friend Chris to be my MOH. How about those Saints?"

She'll get the picture. Just do it unapologetically, if she pouts or asks why not her, say that you had many good friends to chose from. And change the subject again.

I agree with Hillary, when justifying yourself that is when you run into problems. Just say it straight up & say it in a tone that shows it is your final decision and change the subject. If she does question it I am sure it won't be questioned directly to you as you have said that the friendship has been 1 sided.

First I can't believe someone would actually ask to be another's MOH. Personally, I'd never assume anything. I would probably just tell her the truth when she brings it up again. If she asks why, I would then explain to her just how you feel. If she can't take it, then she's not a true friend.

I don't think that you should be so abrupt. While it may have been presumptuous of her to assume that role, you should be kind but without defending yourself either. Simply tell her that you have known your college friend longer and the two of you have a closer bond so that role was assumed as hers. Tell her you hope, as your associate or friend, that she understands because your intent is not to hurt her feelings but to preserve the association. After all, there is a distinct difference between associates and friends.

PS..your delivery is important to.