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Nelia
Dedicated October 2025

Bridesmaid concerns

Nelia, on November 18, 2023 at 5:09 PM Posted in Planning 0 16
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Hello fellow brides ! My wedding is October 26th, 2024! It will be out in the country at Southerlyn Farms in Holy Hill SC. I bought my wedding dress July of this year . Have had my dress sitting in my fiancés and I’s home for about a month now . I have one Maid of Honor and two bridesmaids .


One of my bridesmaid is local here in Charleston and the other she lives in Michigan. The bridesmaid that is local here had complained about the price she had to pay for my bachelorette weekend trip with me , my MOH and my other best friend who isn’t in the bridal party . This same bridesmaid is complaining about the bridesmaid dress I picked out for her , my MOH and other bridesmaid . My first bridesmaid is the same as me (33). My MOH is 37 so she’s a few years older than me or main bridesmaid. My other bridesmaid is 21 will turn 22 in January. Is her being about 12 to 16 years younger than me , my other bridesmaid and MOH are in our 30s and we are all pretty chill about stuff since we are older . I am just worried my younger bridesmaid when we go look for her, my MOH and other bridesmaids dresses at David’s Bridal next month will complain about something else . She’s tried to take control of my bachelorette trip and telling me what she should buy for her dress .
Frankly my other best friend who isn’t in the bridal party but going to my bachelorette trip finally told my other bridesmaid to chill out basically and let me do what I want since it’s my wedding . I have kept the price of the bachelorette trip weekend we will have for me next June reasonable and her dress right at 100 dollars . Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I just don’t know what to do about this other bridesmaid and her complaints . She’s also trying to plan a wedding for herself when her boyfriend hasn’t even proposed to her yet. Going as far as buying a dress online she wanted to use as a wedding dress . She’s basically been trying to control how my wedding will go and planning for a wedding of her own that isn’t even a reality yet .

16 Comments

Latest activity by Hanna, on November 19, 2023 at 2:57 PM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Did you talk to all the bridal members separately about what their budgets are for things like the dress and the bachelorette trip? It seems like all her complaints are related to cost, at least what you’ve described here. At 21/22, I’m assuming she doesn’t have a lot of disposable income and may not feel comfortable spending the amounts required to be in your wedding. I would have an individual conversation with her about what she’s comfortable affording and go from there.
  • Nelia
    Dedicated October 2025
    Nelia ·
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    I did discuss with her how much she was willing to spend . She told me she was ok with the price for my bachelorette trip and her bridesmaid dress . Me , my MOH are all teachers, I am a teacher assistant at the same district one of my bridesmaids work in. My other bridesmaids who is the same age as me is a single mom who works a sewage plant in Michigan, but her fiancé is supporting her daughter and his own kids so she’s a little more established. I told her if she’s not willing to spend for this bachelorette trip I will have next summer then she needs to let me know . She grew up super poor and has plenty of money to spend a little for my bachelorette trip and her bridesmaid dress . She’s just super thrifty and doesn’t want to part with her money she acts like she’s broke when she’s really not . She’s saving for her and her boyfriend to get a down payment on a house in a few years
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    It sounds like she has very specific views surrounding money between growing up in poverty and also working towards a very large financial goal (house down payment), so it makes sense why spending money on a vacation and a dress she will likely only wear once can make her feel uncomfortable. I would maybe just continue to have (nonjudgmental) conversations to make sure she’s still ok with everything. It can be hard to balance wanting to be part of a loved one’s bridal party and the very real realization of handing out the cash.
  • Cece
    Master October 2023
    Cece ·
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    With all due respect, it sounds like you are being super selfish and judgemental. You don’t get to decide how others prioritize spending their money. They are trying to save for a down payment on a house- an event that is going to be much more important in her life than a bachelorette trip or a dress. There is no rule that bridesmaids are obligated to attend bachelorettes (and are much less likely to do so if the bride is requesting an entire trip, instead of just a traditional night out). She said it’s too expensive. End of story. All there is for you to do now is say you’ll miss her but you understand. It sounds like you already had a conversation with everyone about the money they feel comfortable spending for their dresses. That’s awesome! I would suggest picking out a color, and letting each girl choose the style of their own dress. They are the ones paying for it, so they should also like the dress and feel comfortable in it. There’s no need for everybody to wear the exact same dress (and it’s a pretty outdated thing to do anyway). I know a wedding is super exciting for brides, but it’s important to be realistic and not lose sight of being a friend before being a bride. This may be the most exciting thing happening in your life, but remember it’s not the most exciting thing happening in other peoples lives. They have their own priorities, and as a friend you need to understand and respect them.
  • Nelia
    Dedicated October 2025
    Nelia ·
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    Thank you for your advice !
  • Nelia
    Dedicated October 2025
    Nelia ·
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    I think she didn’t realize how much it really cost being in a wedding . I asked her to be apart of my wedding a few years ago before I had even started planning. I understand her views with money. What baffles me is why agree to be my wedding being a good friend to her when she wasn’t sure if she wanted to shell money out in the first place for it ? I have been trying to be understanding towards her with her requests and needs but if she doesn’t want to pay for the expense she agreed to then I need to know so I can plan accordingly for my bridal party and if was easier her and her boyfriend could attend my wedding as guests
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    In order to be in a wedding, the person really only needs to purchase the requested attire (within budget) and show up. Your expectations are too high regarding other people spending money on your wedding. The thought that you would remove her from your bridal party for this is a real risk to the friendship.

    A role in the wedding party is your chance to honour her and the impact she's had in your life. It's not for her to spend money on things you want.

    I would back off on your requirements. Also your wedding isn't for another year. I'd hold off on dress shopping for a bit anyway. What if someone gets pregnant or gains/loses weight?

  • Nelia
    Dedicated October 2025
    Nelia ·
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    No one in my bridal party is planning to have kids for a few years. I honestly think my expectations are reasonable. I do love the girls in my bridal dress party and yes I am happy she is choosing to be apart of my life, but the trip we are planning for my bachelorette trip is a lot more affordable and less expensive than the Disney trip we originally planned. Plus I am only ask 100 dollars or less than for a dress that can be worn for more than just my wedding . My younger bridesmaid makes more than me . She’s a certified teacher while I am only a teachers assistant and she can easily afford what I am asking of her . I wouldn’t drop the friendship if I asked her and her boyfriend to be guests at my wedding . She would understand that I am truly trying to take the pressure off of being in my bridal party from her so she can just enjoy attend if it makes it easier on her and her boyfriend since they are just starting out
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    She is not required to attend the bachelorette. That's not how this work at all. I know you think your expectation is reasonable, but it's really not.

    Family and pregnancy planning can change on a dime, and I was just using that as an example of how things can change.

    Calculating how much people earn and how much YOU think they can afford is waaaay overstepping. The wedding you're planning does not confer the right to spend other people's money.

    Kicking someone out of a wedding party is a potentially friendship ending move. It's unlikely to go as well as you think. Especially if the only thing they've done wrong is not spend enough money. Maybe scroll through here for some stories about that.

    I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's what you need to hear.

  • C
    CM ·
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    Unfortunately, you have it backwards. You pick a bridal party because of what they mean to you not for what they are able to spend. The only traditional financial obligation a bridesmaid has is to buy the dress agreed upon after you consult with your wedding party for budget and style, shoes if she doesn’t already own something in a popular color, transportation to the wedding, and hair and makeup if not opting to DIY.


    Other than that hosting, co-hosting showers, and bachelorettes is optional and voluntary. If no one offers you these things then they don’t. And when you’re imposing the burden of a multi-day destination event don’t be surprised when people are unable or unwilling to participate. Not to mention you shouldn’t be planning this yourself in the first place.
    It is also inappropriate to judge and count someone else’s money. Her priorities are entirely reasonable. My advice is to adjust your own expectations.
  • Nelia
    Dedicated October 2025
    Nelia ·
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    My maid of honor was originally supposed to plan my bachelorette vacation and things like that but she has health issues that she’s dealing with mentally and physically so we discussed it over the last few weeks and she told me that if it was easier than I could go ahead and plan the bachelorette trip, and that her and my bridesmaid and my Best Friend was not in the bridal party what each contribute to what they were planning to spend towards my bachelorette trip my made of honor who is the younger one just told me herself yesterday, that she was OK with the amount that was spent for her portion of the trip and that she could be able to pay me back easily within a few weeks of doing extra side jobs besides teaching.
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    The problem is that no-one should feel pressure to work extra side jobs just to afford being in a wedding.

    Seems like your mind is made up though, so I wish you well.

  • Cece
    Master October 2023
    Cece ·
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    I’m starting to get the feeling this is just a fake troll post. It’s getting more ridiculous by the minute. And I don’t know any teaching establishment that would hire someone with this grammar and lack of punctuation.
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Also the fact that a “certified teacher” is only 21 or 22. I know there’s a teacher shortage across the country, but someone at that age likely just got their bachelors degree and is most likely in their first year or so of teaching, so likely not rolling in the dough.
  • C
    CM ·
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    I’m confused. Are you saying your 21 year old bridesmaid was originally complaining about the cost of the bachelorette weekend, will actually have to work side jobs in order to afford it, but all of a sudden told you yesterday she’s “OK” with it. Please.


    If you actually believe that then you are just fooling yourself. You admitted that your other so called best friend who is not in the bridal party( BTW, why not?) warned the 21 year old to keep quiet and not to make it about her. What do you think she’s going to say after that?
    Anyone who would put a friend in this position or ask them to step down is not a friend at all. Contrary to your belief, while all these events can be fun and a special time, once you include others no, it’s not only about you.


  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    I agree with the others who suggested that this is a troll post. If not, I hope OP gets some sense knocked into her!

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