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Savvy June 2021

Bridesmaid complications

Amy, on May 3, 2021 at 1:05 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12

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Hi ladies,

I’m reaching out to see if anyone else has experienced any drama with a bridesmaid completely ghosting everyone as the wedding is getting closer? And if so, how you handled the situation?The reason I ask is because a friend of mine/bridesmaid - who can at times be unreliable- but mostly minor things- has completely gone dark the last few months and hasn’t responded to anyone, texts and phone calls. No responses on updates on getting her dress, or coming to the bachelorette party that she was originally helping plan with my MOH. My wedding is June 5th and we’re down to the wire now. When I did finally get a hold of her a month ago, I had a conversation with her and asked her if this was just too much and if she didn’t feel comfortable with being involved. And if so, that’s fine but just let me know. Even if she felt like she no longer wanted to be in the wedding, that’s fine as well. I don’t want to put a burden on someone if there’s too much going on. She went on about how she’s been so busy and that’s not it and she’s planning all these things for the wedding and so on. (Which is odd because she hasn’t communicated anything to anyone about this) Unfortunately it felt like a lot of excuses for her recent behavior. I left it as is because I gave her the option to step down, and it’s up to her. So over the next month as planning continued she’s completely ghosted my MOH and no responses to me either on details. I don’t even know if she ordered her dress for the wedding because I never got a straight answer from her about it. My bachelorette party is next weekend and my MOH had to change most of the plans because she wasn’t able to get ahold of this bridesmaid. Which I feel bad about since this is my friend who left her hanging on finalizing plans. To make a long story short, I ended up deciding to ask her to step down since she’s not able to respond to anyone about what’s going on and it’s clearly not working for her. It’s gotten to a point that it seems like she may not even show up so I felt I had little other choice but to move on without her and to that she immediately responded. Again odd because she couldn’t answer me the day before when I reached out. It sucks and I’m sad, but I feel like it’s the best. And it’s made me reflect on our friendship and I sort of realized that maybe it’s better this way. Anyone else? What are your experiences?

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12 Comments

Latest activity by Jessica, on June 10, 2021 at 9:38 PM

Champion December 2022
Michelle · on May 3, 2021 at 1:10 PM
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This is a common theme in the search feature. So sorry you are going through this. Work under the assumption she is no longer interested in participating. I would cut off the friendship after the wedding since it is not a priority to her.
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Savvy June 2021
Amy · on May 3, 2021 at 1:24 PM
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To be fair, I was taken by surprise by her recent behavior and this post was directed to anyone who has experienced something similar and how they handled it.
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Savvy June 2021
Amy · on May 3, 2021 at 1:27 PM
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Thanks for that, I did do a quick search and I didn’t see much recently regarding this topic, perhaps I need to search again? But I agree, I am going forward under that assumption. It’s unfortunate but it was kind of eye opening.
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Devoted October 2021
Kk · on May 3, 2021 at 1:50 PM
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Have you tried to reach out to her/talk to her about non wedding related things? Could she be going through something personally that you don't know about?
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Savvy June 2021
Amy · on May 3, 2021 at 2:24 PM
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That’s a good point. That’s something I have done or tried to continue to do since her and I have always discussed things going on in our lives but according to her nothing new is going on she’s just busy to respond she said. I’ve tried to make sure that I do not make everything about the wedding or me since it’s only one event and life is happening every day and to all of us.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on May 3, 2021 at 3:43 PM
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My former best friend was supposed to be my maid of honor, but she stopped responding to my mom who she was supposed to be co-hosting my bridal shower with. My mom tried reaching out to her numerous times and received zero response. When she finally did respond, she wasn't very nice to my mom and was suggesting ideas for my bridal shower that she knew I wouldn't have any interest in. She also wanted to make all of the guests bring their own food which my mom thought was rude so my mom said she would cover the cost of food, but my former friend wasn't on board with that or any other suggestions my mom had so she stopped responding to my mom once again. After not hearing from her, my mom went with one of my other bridesmaids and my mother-in-law to look at venues for the shower. My mom also told me she wasn't sure what was going on because it seemed so unlike my former friend to behave this way. I tried reaching out and she ended up calling me days later after I called and texted her multiple times. She told me she was overwhelmed and couldn't be in the wedding. I tried finding out what exactly was overwhelming her, but she was just making up excuses. After our conversation, I found out she was talking behind my back about how she didn't agree with my relationship and she hates my husband. I asked to talk to her and confronted her about what I heard and she lied telling me all of it was untrue, but did eventually admit to her and I immediately ended our friendship over everything she said and then tried to lie to me about. Unfortunately, weddings bring out the worst in people.
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Devoted May 2022
Tory · on May 3, 2021 at 4:07 PM
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I’m so sorry to hear this! That’s so horrible. It unfortunately is very common for weddings to bring out people’s true colors & I can only imagine how hard it is to be experiencing something like this (and the original post as well).

As for Amy, I don’t think you made the wrong decision asking her to step down if she was ghosting you & your bridal party or making it hard to finalize plans this close to your date. I don’t have any experience with this as I’m pretty early in my wedding planning stages, but I know that has to be really difficult to handle with so many other things on your mind for your day as well. As mentioned above I’d maybe try to see if she has anything else going on in her personal life that could be getting in the way? You just want to be sure you aren’t ultimately ending your friendship with them due to a misunderstanding or her going through a rough patch, ya know? I hope this helps!
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Savvy June 2021
Amy · on May 3, 2021 at 4:16 PM
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Oh my! I'm so sorry you had that bad of an experience with your former best friend. I do agree that events like this can bring out a bad side for some people. So many hurt feelings can be avoided if people are just honest and openly communicate about things. I'm sorry your friendship ended, but I'm guessing it's for the best considering the situation.
I tried giving my friend the option to back out incase she was experiencing whatever going on in her life or had some issues going on that I wasn't aware of. But her lack of respect for the other people involved in the bridal party is where I had to draw the line.
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Savvy June 2021
Amy · on May 3, 2021 at 4:29 PM
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I completely agree Tory. I did try to have that conversation a month ago with her, as I wanted to be fair and give her the option if she wasn't comfortable to keep this commitment or discuss what was going on with her. I wanted her to have the option to back out even this late in the game with no hard feelings. I made that as clear as possible and I meant it. That kind of leaves me feeling that either she wasn't being honest when we last spokeor her behavior is intentional. She left my MOH hanging on everything for the last few months, which is very inconsiderate.
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Devoted May 2022
Tory · on May 3, 2021 at 4:32 PM
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I 100% agree with you. The fact that you reached out to her and tried to solve things and she didn’t change her behavior definitely sounds like it was intentional. At least you know you did your part in trying to save the friendship and keep her spot in the wedding party, but I’m really sorry she still hasn’t been involved this close to your date
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Savvy June 2021
Amy · on May 3, 2021 at 4:48 PM
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Thanks for the feedback Tory, I appreciate it. Totally, I'd hate to throw away a relationship because of a misunderstanding. It's very sad and disappointing, but ultimately it was her decision.
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Just Said Yes June 2021
Jessica · on June 10, 2021 at 9:38 PM
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I’m having a similar situation I hope everything has resolved now. I’d think to have tht bridesmaid replaced or adjust the wedding party
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