Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Devoted December 2019

Bridesmaid can’t afford bachelorette party

on October 26, 2019 at 8:23 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14

Saved

Flag
Hide content

So I was completely unaware of anything til I got a call the other day at work. One of my 5 bridesmaids called me and said she can’t afford to go to my bachelorette. She just put a deposit down on an apartment. I said I would love to have her there and I would cover her cost because it’s important that she goes. She says that a spa isn’t really her scene and I shouldn’t concern myself with cost. I told her to think about my offer, and that another option would be for me to pay the difference of what she’s comfortable spending.

i come to find out that this is a one, full spa day. It’s $250 for each girl, to cover my cost. And this isn’t including lunch or dinner. I guess originally she said she could afford it and go, but now that she placed the deposit on her apartment she can’t anymore.

I feel bad that it’s so expensive in general, because that’s A LOT of money. I don’t know what to do at this point. Because if she drops out, then each girl has to spend $313 instead of $250 which isn’t fair to the other girls either. Should I just cover the $250 even though I don’t even have the extra money?

Flag
Hide content

14 Comments

Latest activity by Tara, on October 28, 2019 at 10:36 AM

Dedicated October 2020
Amber · on October 26, 2019 at 9:22 AM
Flag

Hide content
Is there anyway the whole trip can be cancelled and something else can be planned? Maybe you could find something more affordable.
If not, you aren't the one who planned this. Maybe since the friend who's pulling out did originally agree to the cost, she should pay whatever she can and ask the other girls to cover the rest. Or maybe someone can step up and cover the extra cost (if they're in a better financial situation than the rest).
Just talk to the other girls and see how they feel.
- Reply
Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on October 26, 2019 at 9:44 AM
Flag

Hide content
Your friends shouldn’t have to stress themselves out to pay for your portion of an extravagant party. Rearrange your budget so that you can pay your own way, or ask the host(s) of the party to cancel and go with something more low key and inexpensive.
- Reply
VIP September 2020
Willow · on October 26, 2019 at 10:48 AM
Flag

Hide content
Just cover your own cost, the friend who dropped out doesn't have to go. Everyone can pay for themselves. I think that is most fair
- Reply
Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on October 26, 2019 at 11:04 AM
Flag

Hide content
I think that’s a lot to ask of BMs and would reach out to your MOH ASAP to brainstorm cheaper ideas (maybe a spa day but no treatment if that’s why it’s $250, or a mani/martini apt at a less expensive spa then lunch).
- Reply
Super October 2020
Megan · on October 26, 2019 at 12:56 PM
Flag

Hide content
If you pay for yourself, then your other 4 bridesmaids would not have to foot the extra cost, and it wouldn’t be an extra burden on them.
If you cannot afford to pay for yourself, you should change plans.
- Reply
Devoted December 2019
· on October 26, 2019 at 1:03 PM
Flag

Hide content
I didn’t ask my bridesmaids to pay anything. I didn’t even know that such an expensive day was planned. I didn’t expect this nor want this. This price was already agreed upon by all of the bridesmaids, but now one is unable to pay. I guess in a way I feel as though the one who can no longer pay should have never agreed to it if she knew she would be putting a deposit down on a place especially if they all previously agreed to cover my part.

I think my fiancé is offering to pay the $250, but it just stinks because over $30k is already going towards this wedding. I’m not even supposed to know that it’s a spa day, I’m only supposed to know the date. Regardless I should probably reach out and say that something so elaborate doesn’t need to be planned and we can just get mani/pedis and spend time together.
- Reply
Expert May 2010
Theresa · on October 26, 2019 at 1:30 PM
Flag

Hide content
This is just me, but I would reach out to the MOH and ask her to plan something else just because I'd feel awful that people were being asked to spend that much to cover me. Even the original $250 seems crazy, much less it being raised to $313 to cover the one who can't afford it.
Considering you weren't involved in the decision making, who knows how the MOH approached the BMs and what kind of "choice" they had in participating.
I know it was supposed to be a surprise, but you know now. I would address it with the MOH and see what else you can do instead.
- Reply
Master 0000
Judith · on October 26, 2019 at 3:12 PM
Flag

Hide content
Whoever planned the party to begin with, obviously planned too high. That is an outrageous cost for participating in a party, never mind when tips, meals or drinks are added. Her bad judgement should not be a financial burden on all of your friends. Simply tell her you will not accept the gift of a party that is such a burden for everyone, and refuse to go.
- Reply
Super November 2021
Alejandra · on October 26, 2019 at 5:25 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I don’t think that’s entirely fair. Things come up, and sometimes you think you can afford something and then you can’t. That’s a lot of money to spend on a spa day, not including anything else. And also a lot of money to spend on something you don’t really like. I would reach out to your MOH and figure out something that works for all of you.
- Reply
Super October 2020
Renee · on October 27, 2019 at 4:49 AM
Flag

Hide content
I would probably reach out to your MOH and let her know what happened. She'll probably be disappointed that the surprise part of it got ruined but it'll be better for her to know so she can figure out what to do next.
If that's what all the bridesmaids agreed that it was what they could afford, then no one should be mentioning the price of it. It sounds like one of your bridesmaids had something come up in life that stopped her last minute. Stuff happens. If you have the money, maybe offer to cover yourself for the spa day when you talk to your MOH, Hopefully everything can get worked out
- Reply
Master October 2017
karen · on October 27, 2019 at 9:20 AM
Flag

Hide content
I think the entire day is just too expensive. I agree, with PP, that when you add in food, drinks, tips, it will really be alot. Unless you and your friends normally do this type of thing, I would sit down with MOH over a cup of coffee and delicately say you really appreciate her hard work, etc. , but that something less lavish might be best. Maybe just drinks and hours eourves at a nice scenic place.
- Reply
VIP November 2016
Tara · on October 28, 2019 at 10:29 AM
Flag

Hide content
This is a tough position to be in.. Sounds like your girls had good intentions and want you to have a great day, that's very sweet. It is a lot of money. If they were all initially ok with the cost, I can see why they decided to move forward with planning it. Maybe talk to the other girls and come up with something else to do that's more cost effective for everyone else? Asking the other girls, or having the other girls, have to chip in $63 more is a lot, especially considering it doesn't include food costs. Try to come up with something else that's more affordable that everyone can do.
- Reply
Devoted December 2019
· on October 28, 2019 at 10:30 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I guess it just stinks because I don’t want to have to plan my own bachelorette party too. I feel bad because I’m not supposed to know anything about it, so I feel bad reaching out to my bridesmaid that planned it but I should sooner rather than later
- Reply

VIP November 2016
Tara · on October 28, 2019 at 10:36 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

I totally get that! It's a crappy situation all the way around. Maybe just reach out to another bridesmaid and let her know you know what the plan is and although you love the idea you think it's a bit expensive and you don't want them to have to pay the extra? they can come up with something else I'm sure.
- Reply