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Just Said Yes October 2019

Bridesmaid cancels

Katelan, on August 13, 2019 at 4:31 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 16

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I have to post this somewhere where everyone listening is biased. My good friend since high school (8+ years of friendship) called me last night and told me she couldn’t be a bridesmaid anymore. I’m going to tell the end of the story and then start at the beginning. When it boils down to it she can’t afford it.
My maid of honor single handedly put my shower together and let each maid know that they would need to cover a portion of the venue. (I wasn’t present for this next part but this is what i hear) After the shower my maid of honor approached the rest of the party and told them they would each need to pitch in $130. The particular maid that cancelled looks at her in horror and with an attitude says “why is it so much?” “I don’t know what you want me to do. I don’t have any money” . They got into a small, quiet, disagreement and she stormed out with out saying good bye or paying.
She calls me the next evening to tell me that she can’t be in the wedding because she “doesn’t support my marriage.” This is the same girl that BEGGED me to be a bridesmaid. So i knew she was full of it. I already foresaw her cancelling over money or just being uncomfortable with the other girls. But why use THAT as your excuse? Why offend me and insult my husband just to get out of being a bridesmaid. She went on to say things like “when we were younger you had such big dreams and now all you’re gonna be is a mom and his wife” EXCUSE ME?!?
THEN SAYS “well give me a few days to think about it.
Hahahahaha no thank you.

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16 Comments

Latest activity by Mrsbdg, on August 13, 2019 at 9:36 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on August 13, 2019 at 4:34 PM
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It’s not her responsibility to pay for a shower that your MOH hosted. I also don’t know why you would want someone in your wedding who doesn’t support your marriage. Just move on.
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on August 13, 2019 at 4:37 PM
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100% all of this.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on August 13, 2019 at 4:39 PM
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I'm sorry she said that to you, that isn't appropriate and not a nice thing to say at all. Did your MOH clear this cost with all the bridesmaids prior? I would be caught off guard too by being expected to pay $130 for a shower when I wasn't asked what my budget was. Typically I've been asked to be in charge of something, like invites or decor or games or food, rather than just a random amount venmoed to someone. Did you talk to this bridesmaid prior about all the costs of being in your wedding?
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Expert August 2019
Ceelie · on August 13, 2019 at 4:40 PM
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Hmmm. Yeah, she might've been embarrassed about admitting she can't afford the $130. But man if she has to make up an insulting excuse to overlook the money issue then yeah I'd just bag it and move on. You'll want to look back on pictures 20 years from now with bridesmaids who actually supported you.
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Just Said Yes October 2019
Katelan · on August 13, 2019 at 4:41 PM
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I was under the impression that it was a group effort from the entire bridal party (the girls) to put the shower together. The MOH just made it easier on everyone by saying just show up and help pay the venue fee. They all agreed and she still showed up empty handed.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on August 13, 2019 at 4:43 PM
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Her comments to you were rude and uncalled for! However, it really wasn't her responsibility to help pay for the bridal shower. At least now you know how she really felt about you and FH all along
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Just Said Yes October 2019
Katelan · on August 13, 2019 at 4:43 PM
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Yes she cleared the cost with all of them. They all agreed. I can’t understand where she thought any differently
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VIP October 2019
Ivy ORP · on August 13, 2019 at 4:44 PM
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I think it's very unfair of the MOH to give her a total after the party. It should be her choice to chip in and how much if she did not organize the event. And if she says things like " I don't support your marriage" then she has told you how she feels and as much as it may suck you need to cut your losses.
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Just Said Yes October 2019
Katelan · on August 13, 2019 at 4:45 PM
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The best part is she doesn’t really feel that way at all. One of her comments when she called me was “actually i was excited until i got into an argument with one of your other bridesmaids” like what does she have to do with us,!?
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on August 13, 2019 at 4:48 PM
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That is a bummer, since the bridesmaid knew in advance about the cost!
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Super February 2020
Jeanie · on August 13, 2019 at 5:19 PM
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I can understand why she would be upset over being put on the spot for $130 if that amount hadn’t been discussed previously. That could easily break someone’s monthly budget if they weren’t prepared. While that is understandable, it’s an awful thing to say she doesn’t support your marriage. Even if she’s just embarrassed or hurt over the shower, it’s still inappropriate. I don’t know if I could forgive and forget that one. Furthermore, she agreed to be a bridesmaid, so she should have known about helping pay for a shower. If she can’t do that, how is she going to afford a dress and everything else? I say make peace with it and move on. I’m sorry this is happening.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on August 13, 2019 at 6:33 PM
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It's not MOH place to bill the maids, that is entirely on MOH. It's unacceptable and embarrassing for her to host the shower and then ask for money. Do not ever offer to host if you cannot foot the bill.
Your friends words are unacceptable and rude, if she said she doesn't support your marriage I would consider the friendship over. She had every right to be angry but not to say those things.
This sounds like many different things happened, a lack of communication, and it's unfortunate. If you knew it was going to be a problem you shouldn't have asked her
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Dedicated May 2021
Meghan · on August 13, 2019 at 9:08 PM
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Wow. That's ridiculous. People should understand that weddings are not cheap, nor is being in the wedding party. She shouldn't beg you to be a bridesmaid if shes just going to flake out over having to pay her fair share.
Then for her to sit there and try and make it about you, and your FH like youre the one causing the issue? That's extra. Don't 'give her a few days to think about it'. Tell her she knew what it was about before getting into it and if that's how shes going to treat you, then she can do that someplace else.
If shes that dramatic after a shower, just imagine the wedding day.
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Just Said Yes October 2019
Katelan · on August 13, 2019 at 9:30 PM
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THANK YOU! I think she thought she was just going to be able to show up on the day of and look pretty.
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Dedicated May 2021
Meghan · on August 13, 2019 at 9:34 PM
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Hahah, yeah thats all bridesmaids have to do 😅
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Champion August 2017
Mrsbdg · on August 13, 2019 at 9:36 PM
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Everything she said.

Unneccessary drama. Your MoH also should have asked budget if it was to be a jointly hosted shower. It was wildly presumptuous that everyone would just Venmo her after the fact.
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