Bridesmaid Budget

You can just ask them flat out! There's no harm in coming out and asking "how much are you willing to spend on a dress" or whatever the item may be. Good luck!

Separately ask each one "before we start looking at dresses, I wanted to get an idea of your budget. How much are you comfortable spending?" Make sure you factor in alterations too as these can be almost as much if not more than the dress itself. Edited for spelling

I agree with PP, I would ask each on separate occasions what they are comfortable spending on dresses, etc before making a final decision.

Buy the BMs their dresses and skip all the gifty girly stuff that will go in a drawer or end up at the church rummage sale.

I don't think my bridesmaids realizes how the expenses can factor in - dress, shoes (up to them what they want), gifts (optional), accessories (optional - I don't have anything picked), traveling expenses, if she wants to come to the bachelorette party, or bridal shower, etc (I don't know what else there is).

My MOH has told me that she can only afford $100 total for I think the whole entire wedding; should I ask her to reconsider being a bridesmaid? I'm offering to help her pay for some things, but I can only spend so much and I'm constrained on money as well trying to pay for my own wedding and I have other expenses such as property tax, mortgage, utilities, car insurance, health insurance, etc. One of my MOH rifts is that she won't wear the dress again (even though all my other BMs love it), and I've been in a wedding before and I didn't like the dress either and I still sucked it up and paid for it.

And...

Does everyone have bridal showers? Bachelorette parties? etc? If you do have those should I have any expectations for anyone, or should I just expect nothing? I just feel like I was already anxious about asking my bridesmaids to be my BMs and I guess my expectations are just super low and don't expect to do much leading up to my wedding.

@sos alterations are free of charge and unlimited because, I have a generous family friend who's paying for all the dresses up front, and she offered all the girls to do payment plan for the bridesmaid dress. The free alterations are a perk my family friend has from Nordstrom.

The only thing they need to worry about are their dresses and their travel expenses if they are from out of town. PLEASE do not ask their budget and then expect them to plan lavish showers/bachelorette parties for you.

For reference:

My friend is getting married in September. I am not in the wedding, but her MOH bailed so I helped throw the shower. Between the shower, overnight bachelorette that she wanted, gifts for everything, accommodations for the wedding, etc. I am looking at $1100.

FBIL is getting married in November - FH and I are both in the wedding. I was not asked my budget or opinion on a dress, was told by the bride to buy things for the shower (that I did not offer to throw), overnight bachelorette, etc. I'm looking at $1500 without even considering expenses for a bachelor party that FH will have to take on.

We got my bridesmaids dresses on wish.com for only $13 plus shipping. They are gorgeous and in everyone's budgets and are perfect. Maybe you could look on there for cheaper dresses.

Also, you should not ask your friend to reconsider being a bridesmaid because she can't afford much.

Honey - we all have bills - my FH has been laid off for the summer and his unemployment claim got held up with the state. Shit's tight around here! However, this is the responsibility that you took on when you decided to have a wedding. DO NOT pass the costs of hosting an unnecessary party onto anyone but yourself and your FH.

What do you all think about a bridesmaid dress range of $150-$250? And if I offer them to give me money every month for like 10-12 months, that would range from like $12-$25 per month? Since I'm going to have to pay my family friend back. Do you think that's doable or reasonable?

OP you're going about this backwards. Ask them their budget. That's what they spend. Period. If it's $100, it's $100 and you find dresses in the budget.

Let the BM buy their own dresses. Don't have the family friend buy them. Problem solved.

@boudreau I'm not expecting anything at this point, I already have pretty pretty low expectations from this point forward after seeing how much my MOH complains to me, I've been pretty considerate and nice to her as much as possible but she's been acting like a bridezilla and she's not even the bride =/ I know everyone has bills to pay. But my MOH told me she wants to get her makeup and hair done, which i made optional, and she said oh well I have to pay for that and I can't pay for anything else.

I asked each girl separately what they would be comfortable spending. I was lucky enough that they all gave me just about the same amount. Ask them first. Whatever her budget is, it is.

If she has makeup but no dress, she's a guest, not a bridesmaid.

Have them pick their own dresses. If they don't get them, they aren't bridesmaids.

Pick a dress in the lowest budget you are given from your BM's. It is their responsibility from there to order and pay for the dress. If they do not get their dress in time for the wedding then they can attend as a guest.

1. Do not do a dress payment plan.

2. Do not have a family friend purchase all the dresses.

3. Each girl is responsible for her own dress. You ask each of them privately what their budget is and stick to the lowest budget offered. Say the lowest budget you are given is $50 but you find a dress for $100 that you love. If you want your girls to wear the dress then you need to either cover the extra $50 or choose a different dress.

4. We highly suggest not using friendors here (vendors that you have a personal relationship with). One if they do a bad job it's difficult to approach the situation. Two, often times bride's will say they will use a friend to help save them money...this is bad in itself. If your family friend is a professional seamstress she should be paid as such regardless of your relationship.

In your situation I think it may be totally an idea to SKIP the bridal party. Just tell them your plans changed and you decided with FH you didn't want a bridal party. Just an idea because this is just the beginning of the drama! I'm in a bridal party where the bridesmaids have been complaining for months about the price of the dress and they weren't even expensive. I think it'd be cool to let them buy their own dresses though because then someone will honestly spend what they think they can afford which is fair and they don't feel bad.

I have 6 bridesmaids total - in that number 2 MOH. Of the two MOH, one of them is my best friend I've known for over 20 years, and the only drama I've had is with her. I've had a headache since March regarding expenses, and I think she just expects me to pay for everything that's the problem. I think she thinks that my in-laws are rich so they'll pay for everything, but that's not the case and they're only giving us some, and so are my parents, and my fiance and I are paying for a lot of it ourselves. I just don't think she realizes I have more expenses than I know she does and weddings are a ton of money, not cheap at all unless you have a small small wedding with maybe 10-20 people. On top of all of my expenses I have a mortgage, utilities, phone bills, car insurance, property taxes and now wedding expenses. She lives like a princess IMO and has everything taken care for her, rent free, lives with parents, etc etc.

I agree with @Katie! I think that is a perfect way to handle this.

OP no one's denying that weddings are expensive. We're planning them too. But with your BMs, @Katie has laid out exactly what you need to do. It your MOH wants to spend money on whatever, that's on her. If she has the dress, she stands with you. If not, she's a guest. But you have a lot of time to be worrying about this, so for now just get third budgets and find a dress in the lowest one.