Bridesmaid Bringing Baby To Wedding...

You’re honestly in the wrong on so many accounts here and so are your parents. You can’t invite your sister’s kids but not his niece. You can’t invite your cousins under 13, but not his. Be prepared to offend pretty much everyone with this plan.

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Ok, well what I'm trying to say is I told my parents this but since they are paying I really couldn't do much. I've gotten in several battles with them about things like this and I am so thankful to them but it honestly puts me in a weird position.

View Quoted Comment That’s fine, but how do you expect your BM to react when she (being one of your nearest and dearest) is spending money to be in your wedding and is told she can’t bring her child but these other children are fine because your parents said so.

Personally - I know this sounds awful - but I would make your parents out to be the "bad guy" in this situation. They're the ones picking and choosing what children can and cant come - so they're the ones to blame when people are upset with you. When you confront your BM about bringing her small child to the wedding, hold firm on your position that no children under 13 are allowed. The only exceptions are the ones your parents made and you have to appease them because they're footing the bill for the whole thing.

Unfortunately, your BM probably felt that you would make an exception for her baby since so many exceptions have already been made. It's tough to have a leg to stand on when the rule was no kids under 13 and now there are multiple kids under 13 coming.

Your parents shouldn't have invited 7 and 12 year old second cousins, knowing how you felt about the age limit, but they've been invited so it's no longer a rule. It's unfortunate that they've put you in this position now.

In all likelihood, your BM's husband and her baby will end up going to sleep in their hotel room before 4, 5, 7, and 12 year olds do. If their parents let them eat cake or sweets, prepare for them to be there for most of the reception.

You mentioned your BM's child is a baby. Are they breastfeeding? It's completely understandable why a mom would not want to travel to a DW for a few days and leave her baby (especially if breastfeeding) home with her husband. And even if she isn't breastfeeding, babies still need mom nearby.

The way you've invited kids to your wedding is weird. Age cutoffs only work when the cutoff is adult only (18+). When it comes to kids, it's okay to invite in circles, but you have to be uniform about how you do it. This means it's okay to invite kids who are in the WP or kids who are your immediate relatives, and no other kids. Or you can expand your circkebif kids who are invited by also including all nieces and nephews. Or further expand by also saying all kids of your WP members and all kids of your relatives.

But you don't get to invite some kids of certain ages or get to break that rule and say some of your relatives can bring all their kids but your FH's relatives still can't bring their kids. This will cause hard feelings.

The 8 and 10 year old at my wedding made it to midnight. They tore up the dance floor and were a highlight of the night. So don't assume they will duck out early.

Honestly, I think it's pretty $h*tty of your parents to pick and choose which kids under 13 get to come. You can bet that your FH's family will be pretty salty to find out that their children under 13 were not invited while yours were. Holding the purse strings over your head isn't a good enough excuse. You no longer have a "no kids under 13" rule, you have a "no kids my parents don't want rule"- which is bad hosting and plain old rude.
And yeah, as your bridesmaid, I'd be upset that my baby couldn't come to your wedding. Especially if it's under a year old given the rest of the circumstances. I'd see through everything to see that you couldn't be bothered to stand up to me. Making your parents the "bad guy" is a cop out and as your friend, I'd see right through it.

Time to grow some bridal balls and stand up to your parents. Be firm. Be kind. Explain that you don't feel comfortable having such an exclusive child invitation policy and you believe it would be a show of bad faith to exclude the children who have been excluded. If I went to a family wedding only to find out that only children from the other side of the family were invited, you bet I'd feel animosity towards you. I'd think you don't care about uniting families and haven't considered the other side's feelings. It shows you actively prioritized your family over your new family (even if it was your parents choice). Don't start your marriage off on the wrong foot with your FH's family.

You may need to chip in some of your own money to rectify the situation if your parents can't get past the "we're paying so we dictate" mindset they have.

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This x1000.

"But you don't get to invite some kids of certain ages or get to break that rule and say some of your relatives can bring all their kids but your FH's relatives still can't bring their kids. This will cause hard feelings. "

Are your sister's kids in the wedding? If not, she shouldn't be walking them down the aisle to rub in people's faces that her kids are there. Even if they are, she doesn't need to walk them down the aisle. They are old enough to walk themselves. She can sit like every other guest.

Bride's parents are not being rude.. It sounds like parents are fine with having children there, and are paying for almost the whole thing. Bride is the one determined to not have children, parents understandably wanted to invite a few children from their family since they are paying for the thing plus bride already said sister's kids could come. Bride says she refuses to change her stance she since doesn't like children. The whole mess would have been avoided by a strict none limit (no to sister's kids) or by inviting in circles, which the bride refuses to do.

Why are your parents paying 95% and you're hosting it near his family? If I were parents in this situation I would also want some say on the guest list, since my entire family has to travel for it. I would want to make it as easy as possible for them to attend an event I'M hosting, which means allowing children.

You can't tell your bridesmaid not to bring her husband and child on the trip. You can continue to tell her her child is not invited to the wedding activities, and even go so far as to have security not let the baby in if they try to bring it. If you involve security, expect this to be friendship ending, one way or the other. For now, assume her husband and child will stay at the hotel, as she said. If she is breastfeeding, or even if she just doesn't want to be away from her kid for 2+ nights (assuming she flies in the day before for a rehearsal and flies back the day after your wedding), it's completely reasonable for her to bring the child and her husband with her. Maybe they plan to do a long weekend and make a family vacation out of it. Not your business.

No matter what move you make at this point, someone will be offended. When you don't carry out age "rules" consistently, hurt feelings are inevitable. Regarding your BM, I would just reiterate that no kids under 13 are permitted at the wedding. You can't control if she has the baby in her hotel room.

Yeah, this is going to cause a lot of drama and problems between families and potentially between you and your fiance.

If your parents are paying for the wedding and want to invite children on your side of the family, then I think you need to drop your stance about children and allow kids from your fiance's side of the family as well. I know it sucks when you envision your wedding a certain way, but this is the "price" you're paying when someone else is footing the bill for you.

If you're adamant about keeping it to no-kids aside from immediate family (your nieces/nephews from BOTH sides - can't just invite your sister's kids and not your fiance's siblings' kids), then I think you need to tell your parents that you appreciate all they have done, but that you will be paying for this wedding and therefore controlling the guest list.

Like others have said, the no-kid rule exceptions are only for very specific circles. Like the bride/grooms siblings, nieces/nephews, or ring bearer/flower girl if they don't fall into the before categories. We had an 18+ wedding and the only kid there was my fiance's 4 year old brother because he is my husband's BROTHER (and my brother-in-law) - he was also our ring bearer.

As for your bridesmaids, how old is the baby? Babies under a year NEED their mom for many things and are the other exception to the no-kids rule. You should not be expecting your bridesmaid to keep her infant at home and if she needs to feed/see the baby during the wedding, so be it.

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My wedding is March 31st...in two months so really all of this cannot be changed at this point. His family really doesn't care, I more so asked this question in regards to talking with my bridesmaid with the baby. But I do get what everyone is saying.

View Quoted Comment This hits all the points you need to consider. I think at this point the only way to make this right is to extend the invite to children of your & FH siblings and cousins. It really isn't fair that some cousins get to bring children and others don't. Hopefully your parents will understand and be able to accommodate the costs, but this is a huge etiquette no-no and will cause major hurt feelings. Also, if your bridesmaid's child is a newborn/breastfeeding, they should be allowed to come no matter what.

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No, her kids are not in the wedding but they want to be flower girls. But again, that is completely up in the air because I don't want them in everyone's faces with the whole no kids under 13 rule. And I agree, they can walk themselves down the aisle but she wants to feel involved in the wedding and the guestbook and other things are either nonexistent (we are doing a photo booth guestbook thing) or already taken care of.

And yeah, I know the whole thing doesn't seem right. The wedding is two months away and there isn't much that can be done. The reason we decided it is because my parents my fiancé and I live in VA and so do my parents, but the rest of my family lives in Florida, New Jersey, Colorda...so having it in VA would still be hard for my family.

And no I understand that, them coming with her on the trip but I am not sure if she is planning on having the baby at the ceremony/reception. But, I will just deal with it when the situation arises.

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I don't know how the whole thing works, but the baby is 1 year and is eating formula and solids at this point.

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Baby is 1, on formula and eating solids.

I don't know what to do, you all are right but fiancé/FMIL is okay with it all and has been in the beginning so I guess I will just deal with backlash and my friend when and if a situation arises.

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In regards to your first paragraph - your ring bearers/flower girls are one of the exceptions to any "no kids rule." They are technically considered part of the wedding party, since they are playing a role in your wedding. If you would like to get around your sister needing to bring her children for personal reasons, without offending other guests by having her kids there, making the kids the flower girls is a perfect way to do that. No one will be offended and no one will think you're "flaunting" the kids if she walks down with them at all. She is your sister and they are your nieces, it's perfectly normal for them to be part of the wedding.

My husband's brother was our RB and we did not have a flower girl or anyone from my side have a role in our wedding, which was fine.

Your bridesmaid's child is also an exception - she is spending a lot of money and traveling for your wedding, and is one of your nearest and dearest to have a spot beside you on your wedding day. Allowing her baby, that needs its mother, is the least you can do for her while she spends so much time/effort/money on your day. She is considered a "VIP" and one of the specific circles others were commenting about that is an exception to the no-kids rule.

That being said, all of this goes out the window when your parents invited children from non VIPs/wedding party members, and strictly from your side. This is the real issue you have now, and it's clear it is too late to change it with the wedding so close.

I think at this point, if anyone from your fiance's side reaches out about their kids being invited, it may be best to extended the invitation to them. Otherwise, let the wedding go as planned with the other children and if anyone asks, you're just going to have to be honest.

It doesn't even sound like she plans on having the child AT the wedding, from your post. It sounds like hubby is going to stay in the hotel room with baby. Sorry, but you can't control this. They are free to be in their hotel room all the they want. It's also not up to you to judge her babysitting arrangements, since you didn't actually biologically contribute to the child it's really none of your business.

Also a solid LOL at the concept that 4-12 year olds will want to leave early and go to sleep. Those sugared up buggers are gonna wanna dance.