Bridesmaid bff

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. When you say you're not sure what the best move is, do you mean that you're considering not having her as a bridesmaid because of this conflict? I don't agree with nor understand her boyfriends behavior at all, but that's for the two of them to deal with. It sounds like you want your friend to be a part of your wedding and she wants the same. If he doesn't want to attend the wedding with her, that's on him. I'm sure your friend will be there for you regardless. I don't see how he could get in the way of the wedding if he doesn't want to attend, unless he's actively trying to "forbid" her from participating in your wedding. I hope that's not the case, but again that would be something the two of them would have to work on in their relationship. Best of luck to you!

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Hi Amber, yes we're worried that his attitude would put a damper on the day (updated my first post to make it clearer)

He's extremely moody and of course she is affected when he's behaving irrationally. So far he hasn't expressly told her no, but he said there's no way he will attend with her. I wouldn't put it past him to fly off the handle at some point and guilt her into not attending.

I have a big group of friends but only two that are close to me that I want in my wedding party.. a couple of other girls very recently moved away and wouldn't be able to travel back for the wedding or else I would have asked one of them instead.

It's also unfair to my BM that her boyfriend would treat her this way and I'm pretty sure this is not the last of it. I'm extremely annoyed at him for making her feel like she has to choose between him and me but it would be even worse if she were to pull out at the last minute

He sounds a bit controlling and not supportive. I would ask her worse case would she be okay attending your wedding as a bridesmaid if he were not to come? Side note she should talk to him about this because that is not cool he would not support her friendships. I have been a bridesmaid where my now fh did not attend and it was fine. I would see if she is comfortable about that scenario and if not maybe just make her a guest?

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He is definitely not supportive about her friendships. He doesn't have any close friends except for her. She said that she would attend anyway even if he didn't come, and she really wants to be a bridesmaid. But he's really controlling and can be manipulative so she asked me if I still want her there. He would view it as her choosing me over him.

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I'm concerned that your friend is in an emotionally abusive relationship. I don't understand why her boyfriend has an issue with her being a bridesmaid in your wedding, let alone attending in general considering the two of you are friends. Did something occurred between you and him that has caused him to hold this disdain towards you/your wedding or is this just the type of person he is? I would encourage her to seek counseling of some sort if you don't feel comfortable talking to her about this yourself. Proceed cautiously, a lot of times someone in an abusive relationship will get very defensive and even angry with someone if they try to imply that the relationship is unhealthy. Just be there for her as a friend in every way that you can. I know it sucks, but at this point her role in your wedding shouldn't be the main focus here.

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I understand what you mean Amber. I've been there for her for many of his tirades. I've spoken to her and given her advice numerous times about it, including suggesting counselling etc. I'm the first person she calls when she is upset about something.

Unfortunately I don't have the power to change their relationship. I will continue to be her friend when she needs me, regardless of the reason. He is not willing to take the necessary steps to change his behavior and she is still sticking with him for whatever reason. At this point she has to decide whether she will let him ruin this experience for her or not

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I'm sorry you're in this situation, I know it isn't easy. I've been on both sides and I can't tell you which one is harder honestly. I hope your friendship doesn't suffer because of her boyfriend and hopefully she'll be able to make the decision to be a part of your wedding day. Try not to stress too much, like you said you don't have the power to change their relationship. Wishing you both the best

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Ooooh I am so sorry about that. I am glad she will want to be there and of course you should allow hi the opportunity. Truthfully maybe just be prepared if worse case she chooses not to be a bridesmaid or come. Hopefully she will but that will be on her and nothing you will have done.

Like PPs have said, this sounds emotionally abusive :/ I understand being antisocial and not wanting to attend the wedding, but making your SO so uncomfortable that they can’t enjoy themselves or attend the wedding is manipulative.

I've thought about it along with what some of you said... she is one of my closest friends and I should allow her to make this decision and take control of this situation if she wants to.

I am prepared to improvise if it goes sideways. My FH has two groomsmen, worst case scenario I can make my brother a bridesman, lol.

I wouldn't want to deny her the opportunity to share this day with me, seeing as it's something she wants.