Bridesmaid Bail

First, I'm sorry, because it does suck that yoyr friend won't be there. (And I agree, it would have been nice if she told you earlier!) But, right now, you need to be her friend, not a bride. Tell her you understand and you'll miss her, but do not replace her! It is fine if sides are uneven and it is rude to ask someone to be a second choice bridesmaid.

Definitely don't pick someone else. If you are really going to get married next month, that's way too last minute to put someone else in. I know it's frustrating, but maybe something came up that she didn't anticipate. It's fine to have an uneven number of BM and GM. Just let it go and focus on your upcoming day.

That seriously stinks, but no do not replace her or pick anyone else. If she does not make it, then you have one less bridesmaid. I am sorry you are dealing with this, I have one bridesmaid coming from Barcelona & I would be so sad if she missed it, I completely understand.

View Quoted Comment Hi Susan,

Thank you, that’s what I was thinking. I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes and I told her that if she cannot make it to just let me know to plan accordingly. And I told her to not stress about it if it’s not possible. Financial strains are the worst!

Don't worry about it. Instead, plan to meet up at some point (whether in the US or France) for dinner and drinks to celebrate. Don't replace her, you don't need to have even sides or symmetry, don't stress it. It's not going to ruin your wedding. I understand the frustration and emotions about a dear friend not being able to attend after getting your hopes up that she was going to be there, but life happens.

Living in France is expensive! Maybe things just didn't work out financially for her no matter how hard she tried. Tell her you are sorry she won't be there. Don't, however, find a substitute.

Thank you everyone for helping me with this!

I agree with Susan, we see here pretty often situations like this. It is very unfortunate and I feel for you, however, like PP said, you must remember that when the wedding is over and life continues, you still want to have your friends by your side. I know it must be really, really hard to not be upset and let it affect your friendship but it's a day, and sounds like her situation will take more than a day to be fixed. Be supportive and please don't replace your bridesmaid. It is so rude to ask someone last minute just to fill a spot. If you're now uneven, you will find a way to deal with it. We always post here about how you can have the MOH walk alone, or have to GM walk one Bridesmaid. No one notices the way you may think they will, I've seen it plenty of times and it does not look awkward or less special.

Good luck OP!

That's too bad, but try and see it from her point of view and realize that sometimes financial difficulties come out of the blue and she may not have known she couldn't afford it until now. As for picking a new BM to fill in her spot, I don't see a problem with that as long as it's someone you would have wanted to be there anyway. For instance my FSIL and I got a lot closer throughout her engagement and when one of her BM dropped out she asked me because she genuinely wanted me to be there. We just weren't that close when they picked their wedding party to begin with. Don't just pick someone purely to have someone there.

It's possible that financial issues she wasn't expecting popped up last minute and she realized there was just no way to swing the trip any more. At least she did give you more than a month's notice. It may not be ideal, but she didn't wait until the week of the wedding to tell you.

I think it's ok to be mad, but try to take a deep breath. It sounds like she tried really hard to make the trip work for her. Are you only having one bridesmaid? If so, I'd say you are within your rights to ask another friend to fill in and explain the situation. Let the friend from France knows that you hope she'll be able to make it, but she shouldn't worry about bridesmaid duties and attend as a cherished friend. The wedding is one day. Try not to let the stress taint your friendships.

I agree with Susan as well. It really sucks! Maybe she was trying her best efforts to find a way a not disappoint you. This is coming from a person that has had financial problems while being in a wedding, all while my world was crashing down around me. It was tough. Really tough. When you felt like nothing was going right and then you were disappointing someone very important in your life. The bride for was very gracious. I could tell her frustrations, but she stood by my side. Besides, if you ask someone now on such short notice you will look desperate. That second choice may not feel important and probably feel like a warm body.

View Quoted Comment I like your view on this. Most comments on this topic always say to not replace the BM, but you're right about friendships and relationships changing over the course of an engagement. I don't think it's wrong to replace them if like you said, it's someone you recently had grown very close to and you talk to both people about the situation. The last thing you want to do is hurt anyone's feelings obviously. Sorry that you're going through this, OP.

You tell her not to worry about it, because she already feels bad as it is probably. And you don't pick anyone else. Just leave your BP as it is.

Even if she had told you a year in advance, it would have been rude to replace her. She really did nothing wrong here. Her only job as a bridesmaid would have been to show up on the day of. She can't do that, which means she's not a bridesmaid. But no matter when she told you wouldn't have made any difference in terms of planning.

First do not replace her! I am kinda in the same thing as you. One of the GM's told us that him and his wife are expecting! (YAY!) but they are due September 19th our wedding is the 21st. I know for sure that they will not be there. FH and I talked about it and he is bummed but he knows that they won't be there but we are still excited for them. Moral of the story is we are not replacing him.

Just talk to her as a friend and tell her you understand and that you really wish she could be there. FH needs to have the same conversation with the GM. His GM keeps saying he will be there but we do not want him to be 4 hours away from his pregnant wife if she is late and with a newborn you cannot travel, plus he needs to be with her and the baby in the very beginning.

Do not replace her.
Do not. Replace. Her.
We have this conversation on the forums almost everyday, it’s so rude to replace someone.

if she can’t make it then she can’t. It’s sad, and hurtful she waited this long, and it’s a bummer but maybe offer to split her airfare? See if that could help?