Bridesmaid Backing Out

I would just cut her off and be done with it. It sounds like it’s all just more drama than it’s worth. For all you know the groom is probably screwing one of the bridesmaids and they’ll probably end the wedding again.

This is a tough one. Your friend has been through the ringer lately and seems to have dropped the ball with regard to your friendship even though things in her personal life are back on. I understand that because of this, you don’t have much interest in being her friend and will not be attending her wedding, neither as a bridesmaid or guest.

To be honest, I think you have been a bit quick to act on this one. You’ve been good friends for a long time, from what you’ve said, and you’re throwing in the towel because she hasn’t put in her weight as a friend recently. There could be more to the story that you haven’t shared, but I question why you are throwing away this friendship over this. Friendships can drift apart, and sometimes there isn’t even an actual reason causing it, it just happens. Some friendships recover, some are stronger than ever, some never return to the same place they were. You’ve drifted apart, but is it really something you’re willing to lose your friend over, and then add insult to injury by not attending her wedding?

It could just be that your friend has become very lazy and does need to pull her weight. It could be because she's distanced herself because she's upset with you over something you aren't aware of and she hasn't mentioned it. But, it could also be because her emotional state hasn’t entirely recovered even though she’s back together with her partner, and she might need help being pulled out of the sea of blue but might not be able to communicate this to you. I personally would re-evaluate and give your friend a second chance. Even so, just because you aren't as close anymore doesn't mean you shouldn't be there to celebrate and support her big day.

You have to do what is right for you! If you were her close friend she would have tried to be connected to you. One could say that she might be stressed with Covid but, if this has been going on in a year she has no excuse. Yes, she was involved in all of your events but, now she's treating you like a doormat. And it seems like her relationship is a bit unstable. What's best for you is to get rid of this toxic person.

Was the sister supposed to invite you but didn’t? My husband left me for another girl at one point (before we were engaged) and it was the worst time of my entire life. I can tell you I was not emotionally stable and made some questionable decisions esp in relationships. I agree with a second chance.

Oh man, tricky situation. Honestly I’d stop trying to reach out because like you said, it’s a one sided friendship. It will make you feel better if you cut out the negativity from your life. Even if she’s gone through a rough couple of years, it doesn’t mean she just ignores you or makes you feel guilty.

Hmmm...this sounds tough. One one hand she has been there for you through many important moments of your life.

People deal with things differently and it sounds like she couldn’t be there when she was going through a trying moment in her life and needed to retreat.

In one way I can see your perception where you feel like she turned a cold shoulder. But I also see her point of view.

I see a red flag in that you feel hurt and a maybe want to dismiss being part of an important event in her life after she has been through so much and has been there for you in the past.

I don’t think it’s justified. I think you have a right to feel as you do, but no right to blame her and use this as an excuse to pull out of her wedding. I see it as a reason and an opportunity to have an open conversation about your relationship and how you’ve felt.

I would go. Only because you guys been friends for so long and maybe deep down inside shes going theough alot of mixed emotions such as ppl judging her , aniexty of hoping everything works out for her or even a little unease overall. Go and support and see how things work out...the last thing would be if you feel like that maybe thats something you both can talk about and address your feelings to her. Not just not show or be apart of her day she doesnt know really of why (do she know how you feel? I might of missed that part)...she needs all of the support during this time. However that if you willing to give her a second chance

Wow, tough situation. It sounds like you have your mind made up and if that's the case that decision is one you will have to live with. It's sad that your "friend" just cut you off after her failed (initial) engagement.

I think you just just know and be prepared that if you opt out of her wedding celebration you will likely end a lifelong friendship. You noted that it's been one sided for quite a while and on that note it sounds like you were already to end things anyway in that case maybe taking a step back is the right thing to do and remove that toxicity from your life once and for all.

Whatever your final decision is, just think through everything and decide what's best for you and your mental well being because at the end of the day, that's the most important thing.

Good luck, sending hugs

Wow. Yeah, I don't see a problem with you backing out. I wouldn't support that marriage. If she doesn't talk to you, why does she expect you to celebrate her and a man that doesn't even respect her? That's insane! If you were really that close, you would think she'd want you around to help her through the tough situation - I don't really see where the falling out began or why, but if it's one-sided there's no point in continuing to try to be a friend for someone who doesn't for you... If she hasn't talked to you in about a year, and your a bridesmaid and she's the godmother to your son I find that a little weird. It's worth talking about to see what went wrong but in my eyes, she couldn't care less.