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Just Said Yes August 2019

Bridesmaid Backed Out Because of Pregnancy

Diane-Nicole, on March 13, 2019 at 12:41 AM Posted in Planning 0 20

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My wedding is this August 31 in Hawaii and I have 5 bridesmaids. One of my bridesmaids just told me she won’t be able to make it anymore because she unexpectedly got pregnant and her due date is a week after my wedding and doesn’t want to take a chance flying out of state. She’s one of my closest friends and I’m so happy for her but at the same time bummed she won’t be able to make it. I’m not sure what the eticate is (or if there is even an eticate), but should I ask another friend to replace her? I already told most of my friends that my bridesmaid are already picked, so I don’t want the person I’ll ask to feel like they’re just a replacement. I’m thinking about asking one of my male gay BFFs to be a bridesman to replace my friend who can’t make it anymore. What would you do?

Thanks!

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20 Comments

Latest activity by MrsD, on March 13, 2019 at 12:26 PM

VIP January 2020
Vicky · on March 13, 2019 at 12:50 AM
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Don't replace your friend; it's not necessary at all and it just tells both your pregnant friend and your stand-in friend that they're interchangeable. Bridesmaid is just an honorary role anyway, where you're honoring them for the role they've played in your life.
(PS, the spelling is etiquette)
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Expert July 2019
Becca · on March 13, 2019 at 3:13 AM
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I agree with Vicky. There is nothing to say you HAVE to have the same number of bridesmaids. If there is someone else that you were deciding on being in, but the numbers didn't match, feel free to invite them! I was a backup in a wedding once and it didn't make it any less special. The way to approach it: call them and say, I love you, and I want you to be a part of our day. As you know so and so is pregnant and can't come. I would love for you to stand next to me on our day because you are special to me." If someone is going to be upset that they are being asked, then they aren't a true friend. Heck, they didn't get upset when you didn't select them in the first place did they?
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Dedicated August 2019
Nichole · on March 13, 2019 at 3:40 AM
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I had back up bridesmaids because the number was important and symbolic to me. I just ask the replacement if the would like to be my bridesmaid, I didn't explain why. I would have explained if I needed to but its my wedding my decision.
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Super July 2021
Alycia · on March 13, 2019 at 4:00 AM
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Airlines actually won't allow women to fly in the last trimester of their pregnancy. The risk of labor during the flight is too high. I personally don't have a problem with asking one of the other bridesmaids to step in. It's not an insult to your friend. She has something else to focus on right now. I'm guessing she wants you to have a maid of honor. She told you she can't do it so you'll have time to ask someone else. It's not like you kicked her out and replaced her.
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Super September 2019
Courtney · on March 13, 2019 at 5:39 AM
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I personally don’t understand replacing bridesmaids. If you really wanted to honor this friend and have him by your side why wasn’t he asked to be in the wedding initially? I would be worried about hurting feelings if he knows he’s a back up or if your BM feels like she’s replaceable.
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Savvy September 2027
Lisa · on March 13, 2019 at 6:37 AM
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Sometimes you can't have everyone in your wedding or your wedding party will continue to grow. I personally wouldn't be offended if I was asked to be a replacement bridesmaid I would be honored and be glad to help my friend on her special day
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Expert August 2019
N · on March 13, 2019 at 7:06 AM
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One of my bm may not make it because of a due date that is the same as my August 31 wedding. We may just have one less, which is ok.
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Master May 2020
Tara · on March 13, 2019 at 7:17 AM
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I wouldn’t try to replace her. Things happen, stuff unexpectedly comes up.
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Devoted August 2018
Bluey8616f · on March 13, 2019 at 7:31 AM
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Don't replace her and just leave it with the remaining 4 bridesmaids. If you have someone else you wanted to stand with you it would have been 6 bridesmaids not the 5 you originally asked.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on March 13, 2019 at 7:35 AM
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Your bridal party should be your nearest and dearest friends. They shouldn’t be replaceable.
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Super December 2018
Alexandra · on March 13, 2019 at 8:18 AM
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I agree... you don't need to replace anyone, unless you want to... For our wedding, I had 2 bridesmen (my best friend and my cousin who's like my brother) and my husband had his cousin as a groomslady.
It's whoever you want and however you want, it's your day!
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Master June 2019
Danielle · on March 13, 2019 at 8:28 AM
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I think normal etiquette says not to replace a bridal party member, if they back out. However, you know your crowd. So, if you really wanted to replace her and don't think anyone will feel like a second choice, then you can go ahead and do it, but I wouldn't wait too long.
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Master September 2019
Mrs. H · on March 13, 2019 at 8:39 AM
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I would leave your bridal party as-is. Not only would replacing your friend make her feel extremely bad, but this new bridesmaid/man would also clearly be a second choice, and nobody wants to be that.
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Champion November 2016
LB · on March 13, 2019 at 9:32 AM
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I don't understand replacing BP members. If they're important enough to be in the BP then they shouldn't be replaceable.
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Master August 2018
Nemo · on March 13, 2019 at 9:32 AM
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My sister actually dropped out of my wedding due to an unexpected pregnancy. I ended up adding my BIL's girlfriend a couple months later because she and I got really close and I would have added her anyway, even if my sister hadn't dropped out. She wasn't a replacement though.
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Devoted July 2020
Monica · on March 13, 2019 at 9:41 AM
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Welllllll it’s not always that cut and dried.

I have eight nearest and dearest girlfriends but only three of them are my bridesmaids, because eight was just too many to include. If one of my selected bridesmaids drops out for whatever reason, I know one of my five other girlfriends would be happy to step in, and understand the rationale, and not be offended at all.
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Master January 2019
Cassidy · on March 13, 2019 at 9:41 AM
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I was a replacement bridesmaid for my cousin. I wasn’t offended, it wasn’t a big deal.
If even numbers are important to you and this is someone you thought of adding before you picked i say go for and ask him!
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Super April 2019
Valerie · on March 13, 2019 at 9:49 AM
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This just isn't true. My FH flys all the time and I swear every 3 or 4 trips he is sitting next to someone who is 34-35 weeks pregnant. And according to my friend who is currently pregnant, the only time she is not allowed to fly as per her doctor is the last month.
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Super July 2021
Alycia · on March 13, 2019 at 11:47 AM
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The original poster said clearly that her wedding is a week away from the friend’s due date. Airlines won’t allow pregnant women to fly at that point. Sorry I wasn’t specific enough when I said “last trimester“. I’m a mom of 3 kids who travels a lot. That’s how I know.
The point of my post was that her friend probably isn’t going to be offended if she decides to add another attendant.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on March 13, 2019 at 12:26 PM
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I wouldn't replace her. It would be pretty offensive to be asked later to be in a bridal party since someone else backed out.
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