Shelby
Just Said Yes March 2022

Bridesmaid asks to bring one of her other friends as a plus one?

Shelby, on October 5, 2021 at 5:40 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18
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So out of my bridesmaids 1 is in a serious relationship. Now my wedding is 6 months away so if they start dating they can for sure bring a plus one. I’m having difficulty with my one bridesmaid who just started dating someone and he is on vacation for my wedding so she told me she wanted to bring her friend ( a girl). This bridesmaid knows other girls in my wedding which are almost all single too. I don’t want to sound rude but my wedding will be very expensive and I don’t think it’s appropriate for her to invite a random friend who will be alone during parts of the wedding not to mention. Thoughts on if I’m in the wrong or a polite way to tell my bridesmaids. Thank you!

18 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on October 7, 2021 at 11:39 AM
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag

    I am in the boat that follows the tide which dictates that only those in relationships get plus ones unless you can comfortably afford it.

    I would tell her that "due to budget constraints [we] are only able to allow committed partners to accompany guests and cannot make exceptions, hope you will understand".

    There is absolutely no need for her to bring a friend to your wedding.

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  • Jessica
    Dedicated October 2021
    Jessica ·
    • Flag
    I believe that the bridal party gets a plus one, period, whoever they want to invite. They are spending TONS of money and time to do something for you and they deserve to have a nice time. Just my opinion.
    • Reply
  • Shelby
    Just Said Yes March 2022
    Shelby ·
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    Oh thank you for your help!
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  • Cece
    Rockstar November 2022
    Cece ·
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    I agree. This has always been the etiquette everyone I know has followed as well. You had planned to extend the invitation to the guy she just started dating (and also indicated that if any of the other BMs started dating someone new, you would extend an invitation to them as well) so it’s not like her bringing someone else is costing you more money than you had already initially intended to spend.
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  • Ariel
    Devoted October 2021
    Ariel ·
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    I agree with this. They’re supporting you on your day so if it makes them more comfortable to have a friend then I’d allow it. Especially since it doesn’t seem to be a budgetary issue because if it were a romantic partner it wouldn’t be a problem.
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  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
    • Flag
    A plus one is different than inviting someone’s significant other. There’s no name attached to the invite, it’s typically open for the guest of their choice.
    • Reply
  • J
    Beginner October 2022
    Julia ·
    • Flag

    I don't think I would extend an invite...If I were the friend of the bridesmaid in this situation, I would feel so weird. If the friend knows you and your FH, it's awkward because she didn't make the guest list cut in the first place so had to come as a +1. If she doesn't know you or your FH, its awkward because she will only know your bridesmaid who will likely be busy half the time, so she might feel uncomfortable knowing very few people who will likely be preoccupied with their plus ones or mingling with friends. Your friend is essentially going to have to babysit her friend so that she doesn't feel out of place instead of attending to you and supporting you on your wedding day. Also, if your other bridesmaids who are single aren't bringing anyone, then they'll want a +1 for whoever as well. So just know you have to make it equal Smiley smile

    I'd say if your bridesmaid has already told the friend that she'd ask you, then you kinda have to invite because that friend might think you had your bridesmaid revoke an invitation and that just could start unnecessary drama.

    If your bridesmaid hasn't extended the invite, then it's up to you and in the scheme of things, one extra person isn't going to break your budget, it might be a slight inconvenience with reorganizing tables and stuff, but at most it's a $150 inconvenience and you'll hardly notice her there anyways since you'll be busy with the other guests.

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  • Rosie
    Rockstar February 2022
    Rosie ·
    • Flag

    Honestly, since you'd already allowed for those funds to be spent if her almost-boyfriend had been available, it would be nice to allow her to bring this guest, but by no means (in my opinion) obligatory.

    If she knows all the other bridesmaids well, and they are also single and not bringing anyone, why does she need to bring this person, and more importantly, when will she actually get to spend any/much time with them?

    Any time I've been a bridesmaid, you barely see your date since you are busy with the bridal party, whether it's photographs, helping the bride/groom with this or that etc. You also tend to sit at the bridal table (without a partner) and your date has to sit with the other randos somewhere else. Does this person she wants to bring know you, or your other guests? It's just weird to me that she'd actually want to subject someone to this if they DON'T know anyone, and aren't even her partner. I know I personally wouldn't really want to attend a wedding under those circumstances.

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  • Samantha
    Expert December 2021
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    Plus ones are for significant others. That's what I was taught and haven't known that "etiquette" to change. MIL wanted to invite her current weekly drinking friend and I said NO. I'm not paying to wine and dine your friend that'll be long gone from your life next bar hop.
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  • Expert June 2021
    ·
    • Flag
    I mean if she was getting a plus one regardless it shouldn’t matter who she’d like to bring. The friend she wants to bring may not want to come if she realizes she’d be alone for most of the night. Then again wouldn’t your bridesmaid’s bf have the same issue if he came? My maid of honor’s boyfriend didn’t know anyone but her at our wedding and he was fine all night because he’s a social butterfly so maybe her friend is too. If all bridesmaids are getting a plus one then she should still get hers even if it’s not a date or she’ll just feel excluded.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    A plus one is a random stranger invited because you feel an unattached single guest won’t know anyone else or be able to enjoy themselves without a friend tagging along. Generally the wedding party is so busy they don’t have time to entertain a friend and many guests have mutual friends or family in attendance. Many couples do not invite plus ones for space and money issues and not wanting people in attendance who only care about free food and drinks. It is never impolite to not allow true plus ones.



    A significant other not a plus one but is an automatic invite as a social unit. It is rude to only invite one half of the couple unless the partner is racist, abusive, violent, but they may prevent the person you want there from being able to attend.
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  • Sylvana
    Dedicated August 2021
    Sylvana ·
    • Flag
    I believe that all bridal party members should be given a the option of a plus one if they are single. I gave all of the people in our wedding party the option to bring a friend if they wanted since they were going out of their way to support us on our day. Two of the three took us up on the offer and one came stag. I think it's a nice thing to offer since your wedding party tends to spend more time, effort, and money on celebrating your wedding day (and likely other events leading up to the big day). If you already had the funds for her boyfriend, I would just say yes to her bringing her friend. One of my bridesmaids brought her roommate and honestly it wasn't a big deal at all.
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  • Aimee
    Savvy November 2021
    Aimee ·
    • Flag

    I am in agreement that bridal party should automatically have an "& Guest" option. Most of our bridal party is already married, with the exception of one bridesmaid who is being allowed to bring a guest - of HER choosing. I mean in all reality if there other invites that you send out that say & Guest on them, you don't get to decide who the guest is that they bring. Same applies for your attendants. I understand not wanting every single person who is invited to have that option. That makes sense. But your bridal party should. In my opinion it would be easier to just make a decision one way or the other for the group as a whole and stick with it. You're leaving yourself open to more unnecessary stress with saying "if they start dating someone" in this 6 month window then they get a plus one. I mean if one of them starts dating a month before your wedding then you're rearranging things all over again. Make the decision either way and stick with it. Your guest list needs to be finalized and if they get a plus one when it's finalized so be it. If they don't - they don't. And if two months later they find themselves with a significant other than at that point "I'm sorry it's too late. We've already finalized the guest list."

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  • S
    Expert September 2022
    Sarah ·
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    I agree with this. I think the bridal party gets an automatic plus one, meaning they can use it on whoever they want.

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  • Ginny
    Beginner October 2021
    Ginny ·
    • Flag
    Have you sent invitations yet? If her invite says “and guest” she should be allowed to bring whomever she wants. If they haven’t been sent, just put the BF’s name on it, too, as a way to show that you’re ok with him but not a random person.
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  • K
    KellyM ·
    • Flag

    If you are not offering others +1 than don't offer her a +1.

    A couple is a pair, not a +1. It doesn't matter if $$$ is allocated for a couple. Opening the +1 door could give you more headaches in the future (then is becomes why are they allowed to have a +1 but not me...).

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  • bevbabe
    Dedicated June 2023
    bevbabe ·
    • Flag

    I think you're in the wrong. It can be incredibly awkward to go to a wedding by yourself. Plus ones to me can be anyone. She's your bridesmaid so I'm assuming you trust her. Do you really think she's going to bring someone who would cause a problem?

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  • Jacks
    Master November 2054
    Jacks Online ·
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    This is incorrect actually. A “plus one” is an open invite for anyone the guest wants to bring. These are optional. Inviting significant others is not optional and that person should be invited by name on the invite. In this case, invite the SO of the BM. When they can’t attend explain that the invitation is not transferable to other people.
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