Carrie
Dedicated October 2020

Bridesmaid asking too many Why's.

Carrie, on November 13, 2019 at 3:34 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 8
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Im not sure what to do here.... (gonna rant a little, but also need a little help)


I have a bridesmaid who is been asking A LOT of why this time, why do you have to do it like that...etc. She has never been in a wedding, neither have I but I have some knowledge as what to do ( I have been married before, and have helped friends.) My biggest WHY from her is WHY do I have to pick my dress in April (wedding date Oct 31st). I have the my girls picking there dresses from ones that I have picked from they are not all the same which I am MORE then ok with. I had been talking with her about just having an idea as to what she would like to wear NOT pick it and purchase it in April but at least have an idea of at least 2/3 dress from the list. I had said that June/July would be when they would purchase and I got yet ANOTHER WHY. I had told her like 4-5 months before the wedding to have your dress purchased I had told her the checklist suggested April to purchase there attire, I know thats to soon myself. Im not sure if she thinks she will have the $ for the dress in April which is why I told her she has until June/July to get the dress. Not sure why she keeps with the WHY but it is starting to stress me out. I dont want to be THAT bride and be demanding but I want her to understand that Im only trying to make things as easy as I can, her daughter and her fiance are also standing up in the wedding (her fiance just happens to be my FH's best man). My matron of honor and the other bridesmaids all have agreed to narrowing there choices down in April, and purchasing June/July. I also told them I am NOT opposed to them getting there dresses sooner if they wanted to Im not forcing them, but def by June/July they have to have there dresses. I have tried to be as nice as I can to this bridesmaid without getting mad. I have told her that the other small reason is that sometimes dress have to be ordered cause they dont have the size, or color in store and would have to come from maybe another store from another state. How can I try to explain this better to someone who doesnt know what type of timeline there is for a wedding.

8 Comments

  • Natalie
    Devoted January 2021
    Natalie ·
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    Since she's your bridesmaid I'm assuming she's a close friend of yours, which is good because that makes addressing this easier. Next time y'all hang out, can you just tell her your concerns? Maybe something along the lines of "Thank you so much for being in the wedding, it means so much to be that you'll be with me on my big day. I've been really stressing about the details and I can feel a little overwhelmed especially when being asked a lot of questions" ? Maybe she'd get the hint?

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  • Carrie
    Dedicated October 2020
    Carrie ·
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    Natalie, Thank you

    This def helps with hoping to get her to understand. Yes she is a very close friend she is like a sister to me. Im hoping that I can tell her this and she is able to understand.

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  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
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    Maybe she really just doesn't get it. You said neither of you have been in a wedding before, but I'm sure you have done your research on how to plan since you are now planning your own. She clearly hasn't. I totally get that all the questions are making things stressful. Maybe if you explain to her what you have planned as far as planning, and why, she will see the big picture. Since you know she's going to ask, beat her to the punch and lay it all out for her. I'm inclined to say that she probably is asking because she cares about you and your planning, and wants to be involved. I can see how wedding planning makes no sense to someone who has never been involved with it before. If she continues to question everything after you lay it out for her, I think then would be an appropriate time to ask her to stop.

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  • Gen
    Master June 2019
    Gen ·
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    I would just say something like “I am recommending that you get your dress by April so you can be sure it’ll be here and altered on time, so that you can participate in the wedding.” Very nice and eloquent, ultimately leaves the decision up to her but nicely warns that if her dress isn’t ready by the wedding date she won’t be a bridesmaid 🤷🏻‍♀️ If she wants to cut it close, that’s her problem!
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  • L
    Lady ·
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    Just tell her she has to have the dress in time for your October wedding and then leave her alone. She doesn't need it in June either. She's asking questions because there's no reason BM's need a dress that early.

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  • Carrie
    Dedicated October 2020
    Carrie ·
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    Realistically yes, they need to get there dresses 5/6 months before the wedding. They need time to get fitted and altered if needed. Getting in any later then that there could be A LOT of problems

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    It doesn't take 5-6 months to alter a bridesmaids dress and many don't need alterations at all if the right size was ordered. I've been in plenty of weddings and never gotten a dress altered other than my wedding dress.

    She knows when your wedding is, I would seriously stop bugging her about it and just let her get it when she can. It doesn't really affect you unless she doesn't have it the day of the wedding. If that's the case, then she's a guest, not a BM. It's not worth stressing about.

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  • Carrie
    Dedicated October 2020
    Carrie ·
    • Flag

    All of the other BM's agree that getting there dresses in June/July is good. No one else is putting up a fight about it. Just because they get there size doesnt mean its gonna fit right NOT every dress fits everyone the same. I have a feeling that at least 1 or 2 people are going to have to get there dresses ordered which means they will have to get it fitted when it first comes in and probably get one more fitting before the wedding.

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