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Just Said Yes July 2021

Bridesmaid - Asking out of obligation/expectation

Courtney, on September 23, 2019 at 12:12 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5

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I was the MOH in my cousin's wedding in January, and now, I'm getting married next summer. I feel like I need to ask her to be a bridesmaid out of obligation because she is 1) my cousin, and 2) I was her MOH. We were close when we were younger, but since she moved to North Carolina 10 years ago, we have drifted apart. She is having a baby in October, and due to that and the distance, she won't be able to be apart of any of the planning or bridesmaids activities between now and the wedding. I know she expects to be a bridesmaid, and I know my aunt (her mother) expects the same.

I know it sounds horrible that I don't want her to be a bridesmaid, but she hasn't been apart of me and my fiance's story like the rest of my bridesmaids have. I love her and I don't want her to feel excluded, but if it weren't for feeling obligated, I wouldn't ask her to be a part of my day.

Any thoughts on how to approach the situation?

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on September 23, 2019 at 10:16 PM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on September 23, 2019 at 12:26 PM
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I don't think you should have someone be your bridesmaid out of reciprocation or expectation. Have who you want there that you're close with.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on September 23, 2019 at 12:27 PM
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You're never obligated to choose anyone for your BP. Just because you were in hers, you still don't need to include her if you don't feel close enough. You don't really need to give her an explanation, but if it comes up be honest that your BP is just your nearest and dearest!
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VIP November 2019
Laura · on September 23, 2019 at 12:31 PM
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She’s having a baby in October, your wedding is next summer. I don’t think you can use that as an excuse.
Really, you should have said no to being her MOH, then all this could have been avoided but you are where you are now. If it’s going to cause enormous family drama to exclude her, then I say suck it up and include her. It sounds like due to the distance she’ll only make it for the wedding anyway.
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VIP December 2019
Michelle · on September 23, 2019 at 9:54 PM
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I agree 100%
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Master 0000
Judith · on September 23, 2019 at 10:16 PM
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If people who asked you had to be ask, lots of people would get to their own weddings with no choices at all, just payback. If you were previously in 8 weddings, what would you do? It gets silly. And forces things some people don't want. It is great that at the time she married, she felt you were one of the people closest to her. But time has passed, and you have other people you see more often. At this time, they are closer. Do not feel obligated with a relative or friend you are less close to. Or one who will not be around for your whole engagement. Maybe she will be disappointed. Then again, maybe she will be relieved. To be a guest with no responsibilities before hand , no expensive clothes and such. With a young baby, she likely has her hands full, daily.
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