Bridesmaid and Singer?

That is a lot to ask. She needs to pick one or the other. And no just because the bride wants something doesn’t mean it’s feasible. The other option is you be a bridesmaid and record yourself singing that she has played during the ceremony. As a bridesmaid or vendor/friendor, your duties end as soon as the ceremony ends.

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I actually brought that up but the outdoor venue doesn't have access to a sound system or anywhere to plug one in.

View Quoted Comment They can rent one that doesn’t need to be plugged in. Many djs have sound systems that they use outdoors for ceremonies with no access to an electrical outlet. So it can be done. Decline the position if she is not willing to compromise.

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Sorry I don't think I explained well enough. The venue only allows acoustic performances since it's open air with other things going on around it. I guess the venue got too many noise complaints in the past so anything amplified is a no-go.

View Quoted Comment That makes sense. Either way she needs to pick if she wants you to be a bridesmaid or a singer. A person cannot do both because that is stretching their capabilities. If you are a singer, is she willing to pay you market rate per hour, with signed contract? If not, then don’t do it. There are many past posts via the search feature where couples asking friends to act as vendors instead of or in addition to being a bridesmaid or groomsman or regular guest sours the friendship.

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They are willing to pay me. It's hard because I think she just really enjoys my singing but also wants me to be a bridesmaid. I think she's conflicted too.

While flattering in one sense it’s very much out of line for her to ask. You’re supposed to be a wedding guest. It’s inappropriate and an imposition, bridesmaid honors or not, to expect you work or perform at her wedding.

If you feel like you can do both, then go for it! I don’t think being a bridesmaid is that difficult…but that is just based on my personal experiences. It really is what you feel you are able to handle. If you can’t do both, ask the bride if she would choose which role, BM or singer, she rather have you fulfill. Good luck to you! The bride obviously thinks very highly of you

The reality is that if you're being hired to sing at the wedding, you're going to be working. I would explain to the bride how flattered you are and would love to sing but also make it clear that you wouldn't be able to spend the day with her and enjoy because you'll be fulfilling your job. Do you have a friend or someone you can recommend to sing instead? Maybe gift them a singer for the night?

Personally, I would offer to sing one song of the bride’s choosing, but that would be it. But if that’s not what you want to do, you have wry right to politely refuse to sing at all.

Maybe ask if you can record yourself singing and have them play the recordings on the wedding day? That way you can do both and not have to worry about missing out. Make sure you do it in a room with good acoustics and get the recordings done at least a month out.

Just saw that another user commented the same thing I put above and that it won't work logistically. Maybe see if you can recommend another person you know who does weddings (aka use your connections to your advantage) and do a duet for a certain song (maybe the first dance?)

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Hmm that could be interesting. I'm not sure exactly what kind of voice they're looking for. Someone similar to mine I guess? lol.

I’ve done both. I stood at the end of the line of bridesmaids and stepped away to sing, then returned. I didn’t find it caused much additional stress, I just had to take some extra time at the rehearsal to coordinate with the accompanist. But I only sang one song. Are you doing more than that, that it’ll be more time intensive?

Never mind, I see she’s wanting you to sing at the after-party as well. That’s a lot. I would tell her you can either sing at both or be a bridesmaid and sing at the ceremony only.