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Rebecca
Dedicated June 2021

Bridesmaid advice

Rebecca, on June 14, 2019 at 4:41 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7
This is a bit of a long story before I actually get to my question - so I apologize. I’m getting married next year (exact date TBD, but May/June most likely) and I’ve already chosen my sister as my matron of honor and my best friend since high school as my maid of honor. Those two were no brainers - my maid of honor is really the only close friendship I’ve maintained over the years.
I want to ask my two oldest friends (from fifth-grade up through college and into the working world) to be bridesmaids. My problem/worry is that we have really grown apart the past 3 years. We would still talk on occasion, usually just through social media - on birthdays, congratulatory occasions, etc. One of them is a teacher like me so I’d reach out to her occasionally about teacher stuff and we’d text for a day or two. The two of them have remained very close and still hang out and talk to each other regularly. (I know because they always post pictures/videos on social media when they hang out and I’d always get sad because I wasn’t close with them anymore). Up until two weeks ago, I hadn’t seen them in about 2-3 years. I was just in a different place than they were. I was in a serious relationship with my now fiancé, I was working two jobs and going to school and never had weekends free (worked at a tutoring center and subbed during the week and Target closing shifts every weekend) which was when they’d invite me to hang out. I stopped being able to hang out so they stopped inviting me to hang out. I remember one of the last times we got together, I felt out of place and “boring” like I couldn’t keep up with their adventures and stories as two single ladies enjoying young post-grad life...so admittedly it wasn’t just being unable to hang out but also uninterested. Over the years, I (and my family) would still invite them to all of our family gatherings (they were pretty much considered by my family to be my sisters growing up) over the years, even to my birthday party last December, but they would never come.
A few months ago, before I got engaged, I started reflecting on my friendships and how I don’t have any close friends besides my bff (maid of honor) and my roommate. I reached out to them about why we had grown so far apart and apologized for my part in the distance. We agreed to try to see each other soon. The day I got engaged last month, they were two of the first people I shared the news with and I immediately invited them to a graduation/engagement celebration that I was planning. They both agreed to attend right away and they both showed up this past weekend to celebrate my masters graduation and my engagement.
One of them also just graduated and she invited me, albeit last minute...literally the day before...to her graduation party two weeks ago, which I attended.
Admittedly it has been a bit awkward to hang out again after not seeing each other for so many years, but I am glad that we are trying to reconnect.
I want to ask them to be my bridesmaids because growing up I always imagined that IF I ever got married, they would both be by my side.
I just didn’t count on us growing apart and then asking them after only two weeks of us reconnecting.
Does anyone have some experience or advice of what I should do in this situation?

7 Comments

Latest activity by Haley, on June 18, 2019 at 12:47 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I would give it some time to see how the friendship progresses. You still have some time before you need to select your bridal party, especially since you don't even have a wedding date yet.

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  • Lauren
    VIP September 2019
    Lauren ·
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    You have some time, maybe 3-5 months, to really get a feel of how the reconnected friendship is going before you ask. I know it is really exciting and you want to start planning right away but this is always a huge topic on these forums where some people ask too early and end up growing apart from their bridesmaids or bridesmaids back out because they don't feel close enough to the bride. I would suggest taking some time and planning a few more girl's nights or small get togethers where you can get to know them again.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    8-9 months out is plenty of time in advance to choose your bridesmaids. Wait until the end of August, beginning of September, to decide. There is absolutely nothing a bridesmaid needs to do before 4_5 months out. BM dresses are bought usually a 4 months or less, as they come in quickly. . . Often, people who reconnect become fast friends again very quickly, but after the initial catching up, they find they spend little time together, again. So give yourself another 3 months, just being friends. Meanwhile, the other new graduate and you may have career or other changes,which mean moving, with no time off for a year. Babies? Travel? By 8 months out, which is 4 months after graduation, a lot more will be known about May 2020, their time and money available. And how much you have bonded again, or found you bore each other, will be clearer.
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  • Summerbride77
    VIP July 2019
    Summerbride77 ·
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    I agree with this. Take some time and get to know them again. See if the friendship is still there and still strong.

    Don’t pick them to be bridesmaids, because you’re trying to hit a number or because you use to imagine them there. It sucks but friendships grow apart and that’s okay.
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  • Kyla
    Dedicated November 2019
    Kyla ·
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    Take some time to see how the friendship evolves and I wouldn't formally chose the wedding party until you have the date finalized. May/June is graduation season and you don't want to ask the ladies before you have the date and can be certain there aren't any event conflicts. That’s unnecessary drama.
    Good luck!
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  • Cara
    Expert July 2019
    Cara ·
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    I agree with people above. You don’t need to ask this far in advance you can wait a couple of months and see how things pan out. Especially wait until you have a set date.
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  • Haley
    Expert October 2020
    Haley ·
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    I don't have a TON of close girlfriends either so I ended up asking my bff to be my MOH, and then I asked a friend who I've known forever but I'm not super close with. She actually my MOH best friend. She's SUPER nice and we have a lot in common but we've literally only hung out once by ourselves and that was 3 weeks ago haha. I also asked my cousin who I've gotten closer to in the last 4ish years. And then I asked FH cousin and his stepsister. His family is super close and I'm excited to get to know them better. Also, now I'm a bridesmaid in his cousins wedding!

    I would say wait a while and see how the next few months goes. I kind of thought my bridal party was supposed to be 5 girls who I talk with every day and we just brunch 24/7 and all wear matching dresses everywhere we go and it kinda made me sad that I don't have a group of girlfriends like that. Then I realized not everyone has that and it's fine. I'm happy with who I chose and it is definitely making me closer with each of them in a different way.

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