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Savvy July 2021

Bridesmaid additions?

Meredith, on October 30, 2019 at 9:29 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 3

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I'll try to keep this short. So far I have 4 BMs, and a MOH standing with me who are all friends. FH also has all friends standing with him. I have 1 brother who in engaged and FH has 3 brothers and one SIL. We initially decided to do no siblings with us because my brother lives in Texas and FH's brothers are on the other side of our state (Michigan) so we wanted to keep it simple. Also, my brother is a musician and we are asking him to play for our reception which would be more special to us than to have him stand up with us.

When FH and I visited his parents this weekend his mom brought up that his one older brother would most likely be the only brother to be upset if we did not ask him and his wife to be in our wedding party, which we decided would be alright to add them no problem.

The hesitation I have is asking them to join us, but not asking my brother (because he has a more special role in my view) and having his fiance upset that she will not be a bridesmaid. We thought instead she could have a role as well, such as doing a reading for us. If I approach the conversation with them as they will both still have roles in our day, should we go ahead with this plan?

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Latest activity by Jennifer, on October 30, 2019 at 2:26 PM

Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on October 30, 2019 at 11:02 AM
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I wouldn’t add anyone based on parental pressure, especially when it still excludes many siblings. (Also who’s to say another brother wouldn’t have cared but once the other brother was asked starts to feel left out or get offended— so are you prepared to add them all if someone else says something?). Right now you can get away with “we decided to keep our bridal parties friends only, no family” which may disappoint a sibling , but is a clear cut line that is also decidedly not personal , so shouldn’t offend. To me, that goes out the window when you choose just one , and it becomes “well why did you choose him over me??” ...also honestly most of the times when people come on here talking about strife in their bridal parties, it is because of people they only added out of a feeling of obligation— not because they really wanted them.

instead of bridal party positions, I’d recommend, if you want to make sure it head particular individuals feel included is, find another role for them. Maybe a reader, or some other ceremony activity participant (candle lighter, escort, usher)— I actually recently started attended a wedding where the bride’s brothers were “ushers”— it was a seat yourself kind of ceremony so their only real role was greeting people and telling them they could sit on either side , but they still felt very involved. You could even do something as simple as distinguishing all siblings with a flower— boutonnières or corsages. Personally I didn’t have my brother or sil in my BP but included them in the processional to show their importance.

so, sure, try to find something to make them feel special. But don’t add people to your bridal party out of obligation.
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Master May 2021
Cristy · on October 30, 2019 at 12:27 PM
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Your bridal party shouldn't be chosen out of obligation, or pressure from family. It should be the people who are most dear to you in life. The ones you can't imagine being without. Your nearest and dearest. Numbers don't matter, blood doesn't even matter, in my opinion.
I have chosen ladies who I cannot get through life without. They are the most important women in the world to me.
Believe me, if you choose out of obligation, or pressure, you may regret it later on.
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on October 30, 2019 at 2:26 PM
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I'll put it this way, if you ask one, you're eventually going to have to ask all of them. Choose who you, not your families, want in the wedding!
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