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Megan
Savvy September 2022

Bridemaids Drama! Help!

Megan, on July 23, 2022 at 3:50 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5
So I'm getting irritated that my MOH is telling me all the drama between her and my other bridesmaid...I'm really close to all of my bridesmaids and MOH. But my MOH uses me as a vent when something for the bridal shower or batchlorette party stresses her out and then in turn it stresses me out and I feel guilty.

One of my bridesmaids hasn't paid for her portion of the bridal shower (they all decided to host it) and this bridesmaid is saying she can't help at all with it now and shouldn't pay for it because of that. This bridesmaid is in college and has some homework due the day of my bridal shower and now can't stay the whole time because she has to work on her homework. She now can't participate in a lot of the batchlorette party because it's finals week. We all got together (even me the bride) and decided what day for both parties worked for everyone months in advance.

I honestly don't care if she has homework and can't fully participate at both parties because it is what it is. I feel like my MOH shouldn't involve me at all and she should work out the payment between her and this bridesmaid.
I also feel like I can't confront this bridesmaid because she is my fiancé cousin and I don't want to stir up drama with his family because word goes around quick in that family. I love his family and we get along very well I just don't want any drama with them. So I'm trying to just say chill and calm.
What should I do and has anyone else had wedding drama? Need advice on what I should do!

5 Comments

Latest activity by Bailey, on July 25, 2022 at 8:57 AM
  • Janet
    Expert October 2018
    Janet ·
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    Your MOH is considered your best friend. It’s understandable she would want to vent to you because as friends we listen, give support, and advice when asked. You can also set boundaries with your friend and ask her to find another outlet for her frustration regarding the wedding events.


    If the bridesmaid doesn’t pay then you’re putting it on your MOH to figure it out which could turn into budgets getting out of hand, plans just stop because no one wants to pay, or one drops out because they don’t want to deal with each other. She may be at the point where you need to be involved even if it’s just helping your moh come up with a plan.
    Best course of action here is to tell your MOH plan like she won’t be there period. Cut back in things so no one is paying more than they already are and if she wants to join then it just helps out others by lowering the cost
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  • Mrs.evans
    VIP October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    Hi Megan did all of your bridesmaids know what would be asked of them as beginning in the wedding party. And did your MOH explain or send out any memos to them about activities and how much money is expected for both shower and bachelorette party. Begin tho ahe is in college that she she just probably thought that the only money that she was paying for was her dress accessories. But if she did know this is something she had to know before excepting the role. I hope it all works out but you may have to talk to your fiancee about it
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    Does your MoH and this cousin bridesmaid have a direct relationship aside from being members of a bridal party? You're putting your MoH in a tough spot if you expect her to figure it all out. Your MoH is also your best friend, that doesn't stop with wedding stuff. The gracious thing to do is for you to quietly pay for the bridemaid's portion. Keep it between you and your MoH
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  • Megan
    Savvy September 2022
    Megan ·
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    So this bridsmaid is the wealthiest of all my bridesmaids so I was really surprised she was having issues. They set up many zoom meeting talking about things. I also sent out a questionnaire the week I asked everyone to be in my wedding that not only asked their budgets and what they were capable of contributing I wrote what was expected of them. My MOH and this bridemaid don't have a relationship outside my wedding. They met through my wedding.


    I'm just disappointed that this bridesmaid won't participate. It hurts my feelings and make me feel bad for all my other bridemaids that are contributing and making and effort. I'll just have to pay her portion but that doesn't cover the fact that she isn't helping plan or set up for these events.
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  • Bailey
    Expert October 2023
    Bailey ·
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    Megan,

    As a previous MOH who had this issue with my Brides friends, whom I did NOT know, I would advise you to try and not let it stress you out. Speaking from experience, I had no idea how to get these girls to pay because they didn't know me, weren't my friends, and honestly I don't think they respected me at all. If it wasn't for the bride sitting them down and telling them not to treat me this way + pay what they AGREED to pay, her bach wouldn't have happened. She just needs your help, as it can be really hard to get things as sensitive as money handled between two strangers.

    Some bridesmaids will agree to do x, y, z, because they want to be included and assume that they'll "make it work", but in reality there is usually one or two who get in over their heads and can't follow through. Try not to feel bad, or let her actions hurt your feelings because as they always say, weddings bring out the true friendships! You can't control what she does or doesn't do, and at the end of the day if she doesn't show up for you, that's her loss Smiley heart

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