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Just Said Yes April 2021

Bride/groom disagreement

Brianna, on February 13, 2020 at 2:27 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 9
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HI!

So my fiance and I are having a destination wedding in Hawaii. He has always wanted a traditional wedding with everyone he has EVER met and I always wanted the beach wedding with my immediate family. We ended up going with the Hawaii location due to extreme high costs for a venue big enough for 100 people in our home states. This Hawaii location only allows up to 40 people, I kept my list short to 12 people (family only) and I let him use the rest. Anyways, it has come up a few times that he really wants his best man to be up there. I do not have a maid of honor. I have my sister coming but we really are not that close. I just did't really think we would have a disagreement about this. I have recommended that we do a weekend with our friends separately before the wedding to celebrate on our own (like a bachelor/bachelorette parties). I did say he could have his BM up there and I don't have a BOH, but he does't want that either. He still wants his best man to be up there as well as my sister. HELP. I need some opinions?

9 Comments

Latest activity by Alys, on February 14, 2020 at 10:54 AM
  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    I would let him have someone stand with him if that is what he wants. This is his wedding too and costs aside, you ended up with a DW and a more intimate crow which is what you wanted. Let him have this one.
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  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    Crowd...goodness
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  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    I would let him have his BM and you don’t have to have anyone on your side.
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  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    I agree with PP. He has been gracious enough to compromise with you on the destination wedding and smaller guest list; I think you should compromise on this one for him. That doesn’t mean you have to have anyone stand with you though, just because he is having someone stand with him.
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  • B
    Just Said Yes April 2021
    Brianna ·
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    I agree, I did try to tell him that too! But he said he didn't want it to be uneven.

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  • M
    Expert October 2021
    Megan ·
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    He can't pick who's standing up (or not standing up) on your side no more than you can decide for him, and there's really no negotiating something that has zero to do with him. You can tell him that he's prioritizing aesthetics and a "vision" over actual relationships and actual human beings. He does not get a say in this.

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  • Nikki
    Devoted April 2021
    Nikki ·
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    I would let him have his best man stand with him. Do you have someone else you’re close with who could stand with you? Mom, grandma, friend, man of honor? I don’t think it has to be your sister if you don’t feel that close to her
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I agree with Cyndy. Let him have his best man Stand up there with him. You don’t have to have anyone up there with you if you don’t want to. That is the best compromise in this situation.
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  • A
    Dedicated September 2020
    Alys ·
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    Ask him why he wants his Best Man standing up there with him. Why does is it important? What does it mean to him. Listen. (Ideally, for this plan, he gives a sweet, heartfelt response)


    Then tell him that’s beautiful and meaningful. You’re so glad he has BM in his life. You wished you had such a close relationship with your sister. However, you’re simply not that close and if you did have a bridesmaid/MOH, you would want that person to be as meaningful to you as BM is to him.
    Alternative: do you have a best friend you’d like as MOH but who you didn’t invite due to 40 max guests? If so, tell him if he really wants you to have MOH, he needs to allocate 1-2 guests back to your invites.
    • Reply

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