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Anna
Just Said Yes September 2021

Bride who doesn't care

Anna, on February 19, 2021 at 7:13 PM Posted in Planning 1 36
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Okay so one of my friends is getting married in June of this year and I am her maid of honor. I have tried helping her plan as much as I can since I'm also planning my wedding which is in October.



This is the problem. She literally doesn't care about ANYTHING. I have given her multiple lists for her and her fiance to look over and start doing (since it's what THEY want) and she has barely done anything.
She JUST told us what she wants us to wear a couple weeks ago and when I went to order the dress, it wasn't available. She didn't care and said to just get whatever. Okay. She hasn't started on decorations, music for the ceremony, no officiant, has no plan on flowers, no wedding day schedule AT ALL, invitations are not made or ordered and rsvps need to be in by May 13, doesn't care about what she does with her hair or makeup and said we can look however we want, and it's literally as if she doesn't care about her wedding day.
I met with her the other night and got stressed out for her and she laughed and thought it was HILARIOUS that I'm more stressed about her wedding than she is.
I am at a total loss and she expects me to plan her wedding for her when I told her that I can't do that for her in the very beginning. At this point I don't even want to be in her wedding.
If she doesn't care about the most special day of her life, why should I? Someone please help me figure out what to do. I can't handle all of this and she thinks it's just so funny to see me stress like this for her. I am losing it!!! 馃槶

36 Comments

Latest activity by Nikki, on April 3, 2021 at 4:02 PM
  • A
    Super September 2020
    Alli
    • Flag
    Wow, you鈥檙e a good friend. I would pass the reins on over to her. I would never stress over someone else鈥檚 wedding and responsibilities! Best wishes.
    • Reply
  • Allie
    Rockstar November 2021
    Allie
    • Flag

    I had something similar happen with my best friend. I am very type A and I made a whole list for things she needed to do. And she was very lax and just didn't care about deadlines. So I told her straight out, I can't help you until you do this for yourself. She eventually started really getting into it and had a nice wedding, but sometimes it's best to just step back. Just because you're the maid of honor doesn't mean you are required to plan her whole wedding for her, so don't stress yourself out about it!

    • Reply
  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica
    • Flag

    While I understand wanting to be a good friend, I would take a step back and let her handle things on her own. If she doesn't step up and take control of her own wedding then that's on her. You aren't responsible for handling her wedding.

    • Reply
  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy
    • Flag
    It鈥檚 time for you to focus on your wedding and let her do what she wants. The other thing you need to do now is show up. I would tell her you aren鈥檛 helping any more and be done with it
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Rockstar August 2020
    Katie
    • Flag
    Hi Anna, I agree with Alli! I was so stressed planning my own wedding I can鈥檛 imagine planning two!! She鈥檚 a big girl and will have to figure it out on her own. I wouldn鈥檛 ruin your friendship over it or step out of being MOH, if I were in your shoes I would just let her know you have a lot going on with your wedding but will have to give her the batton for her wedding. Good luck girlie 鉂わ笍
    • Reply
  • Belle
    Rockstar August 2022
    Belle
    • Flag
    I wish I can chill a bit. I wanted to book everything already, but dh said it鈥檚 wayyyy to early. I already mentioned that the new venue is the most booked venue, and photographer won鈥檛 secure a date unless we put deposit. At least those 2 I am very nervous not too book asap. We have 18 months, but I am already 100% sure about the venue and photographer. If you ask my dh, he rather book 3-4 months before the date, or better 鈥> a month ahead. I can鈥檛 understand. I am at my wits end. I can鈥檛 stop thinking and searching things for my wedding, but he is soooo chill, I feel like nothing matters to him. It鈥檚 frustrating. It鈥檚 depressing.
    • Reply
  • Apryl
    Dedicated March 2022
    Apryl
    • Flag
    If she doesn't care why are you stressing over a wedding that isn't yours?


    Stopping doing the job of a wedding planner and focus on your wedding.
    • Reply
  • Belle
    Rockstar August 2022
    Belle
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    That鈥檚 what I thought. However, in case the bride decide last minute for her (MOH) attire and then the pressure will be on the MOH. I mean, not everyone has a model body that fits in any dress like a glove. But one thing is sure here, plan your own wedding not others 馃槉
    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle
    • Flag
    You should relax and let it go. In the end it鈥檚 not your wedding. So your stress about it is totally self-inflicted. Additionally, every bride isn鈥檛 overly obsessed about a wedding and she might not view it as 鈥渢he most special day of her life鈥. So you just focus all that extra energy on planning your own wedding and let her plan hers.
    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Rockstar July 2019
    Hannah Online
    • Flag
    Her wedding, her problem. If she doesn't care, you shouldn't either. Just stop talking to her about her wedding. Don't give her lists. Don't follow up on her officiant or invitations or anything else. Let her handle it and just focus on your wedding.
    • Reply
  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey Online
    • Flag
    Why on earth are you planning her wedding??
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar April 2021
    Michelle
    • Flag
    Totally agree with everyone- step back & hand these things back over to her.
    • Reply
  • Tory
    Devoted May 2022
    Tory Online
    • Flag
    Don鈥檛 stress yourself out girl! Focus on your wedding and prioritize yourself first, she can鈥檛 expect you to make all of the decisions without her opinion on her own day. She needs to start contributing and being more decisive so you aren鈥檛 carrying the stress of ultimately planning two weddings
    • Reply
  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais
    • Flag
    She might not think a wedding is the most special day of her life and that it鈥檚 not important what it looks like. That鈥檚 completely ok, not everyone thinks a wedding is that important. Focus on you.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle Online
    • Flag

    Drop out and save your sanity. Set and maintain boundaries and learn to say no. Not everyone shares the same priorities and that is ok.

    • Reply
  • Expert September 2021
    • Flag
    It doesn鈥檛 sound like she cares so I wouldn鈥檛 put much effort into it! You have your own wedding to plan - don鈥檛 give energy when it鈥檚 not wanted! Let her wedding be a train wreck, it isn鈥檛 your problem!
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring
    • Flag
    Sounds like she genuinely doesn't care. Let her handle it then
    • Reply
  • Shirley
    Expert November 2020
    Shirley
    • Flag
    You have to stop planning it for her. Thats not your role, but you're doing it because you're afraid she wont and it's enabling her. No one in my bridal party even knows what stage of planning I am on. Just simply stop planning (give her a heads up if need be, just say you're too busy)
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Super October 2022
    Samantha Online
    • Flag
    She may be fine with a very simple event. If you are a big planner then that will be incomprehensible to you, I know.
    She may not be giving you feedback because these aren鈥檛 things she wants and isn鈥檛 really sure how to respond.
    If she said she is fine with the bridesmaids wearing whatever, then pick a dress you like and wear it. Lots of people have weddings that don鈥檛 have color coordination or any esthetic at all.
    • Reply
  • L
    Dedicated September 2021
    Lw Online
    • Flag
    Why do you care so much about her wedding? If she wants a wedding, she鈥檒l plan it. If she asked you to plan the wedding, you need to set expectations between the two of you. From the post, it sounds like you really jumped in and are now upset she doesn鈥檛 care as much as you do. You get to pick your own dress and hair and makeup. Most people would love that! If she鈥檚 not happy with the output, that鈥檚 on her. If she can鈥檛 send out invites and no one shows, also on her.
    • Reply

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