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Devoted October 2021

Bride vs. Bridesmaid

Chantelle, on November 22, 2020 at 2:40 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 15

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I am the MOH for my best friend and the bridesmaid party dynamic is wonderful because we are a close group of mutual best friends

One BM recently told us she is pregnant. The postponed wedding is in May and BM will be about seven months pregnant at that time. We already have our bridesmaids dresses since original date was 2020. The bride is concerned that the BM will look too pregnant and take much of the spotlight away during the event and the pictures. The bride brought up the topic of a maternity dress to BM and offered to buy her another bridesmaid dress to accommodate the belly. And then give original dress to another family member.
Really been going south since then. The bridesmaid really wants to keep her own dress and offered to pay for whatever alterations needed so that she can keep her dress. Bride for some reason is not accepting of that.
I’ve really tried to keep it real with the bride and tell her all the stuff that I’m sure is all running through your head, but it doesn’t seem to be going through. What are some things I can keep emphasizing to the bride? I don’t think the bride is approaching this correctly and is being a little insensitive to our pregnant bestie. What do you guys think? Thank you!

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15 Comments

Latest activity by MLS, on December 17, 2020 at 6:34 PM

Champion December 2022
Michelle · on November 22, 2020 at 2:51 PM
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That is just plain cruel on the bride's part all around. It's gone way past 'a little insensitive' actually. First of all, she should be happy for her friend. No one will outshine the bride, period. Secondly, unfortunately for the bridesmaid, at 7 months along she would have to get a maternity dress. There is no seamstress on earth who can make a dress bigger without changing the look entirely.

Unfortunately for you, nothing you say will sway the bride if she is already this hostile and stubborn so it's going to have to play out on its own. And that particular friendship may well be over before the wedding even gets close.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on November 22, 2020 at 2:56 PM
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I'm currently pregnant and if someone treated me that way because I was pregnant I would highly reconsider if I even want to remain friends with that person. If the dress can be altered to fit the BM then the bride shouldn't have a problem with that. People shouldn't be expected to put their lives on hold because someone else is getting married. The bride just needs to get over it and be excited for her friend. Unfortunately there is nothing that you can do as the bride is being unreasonable.
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Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on November 22, 2020 at 3:37 PM
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Wow, the bride sounds a bit like a bridezilla. She should be happy for her friend expecting a baby.
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VIP July 2017
Becky · on November 22, 2020 at 4:18 PM
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The bride doesn't sound very nice at all a BM's pregnancy is not going to take the attention away from the bride - but that's neither here nor there. Did the BM purchase her dress? If she did, then, though the bride can offer to buy a new (maternity dress) for the BM, she cannot off the dress to one of her family members. Is this the BM's first baby? She may be thinking she'll be able to get it altered, not realizing how much bigger (even overall, not just bump) many women get while pregnant, and she may not realize the limitations of alterations. How is the dress cut? Is it flowy? If it is, the BM may be thinking there's some room to grow anyway.
I don't think you're going to convince the bride to leave it alone - and unfortunately, I expect she's about to lose a friend over it.
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Master April 2021
Michelle · on November 22, 2020 at 4:31 PM
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Definitely a slippery slope on this one. I can see both sides & sympathize with both. Yes the bride’s reaction isn’t the best & she should be happy for her friend. However, we all are stressed planning our weddings. Stress can make us behave in ways we don’t normally act. As PP have stated, you can’t change the bride’s mind. Your pregnant friend, at 7 months pregnant, isn’t going to fit into her original dress no matter what alterations will be done.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on November 22, 2020 at 5:28 PM
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She sounds like a bridezilla who seriously needs a reality check. First nobody can and or will outshine the bride on her day. Secondly to treat your pregnant friend like that is terrible. If I was the pregnant friend I'd seriously reconsider being in the wedding and consider even attending the wedding in general. I think you guys need to stand with the pregnant friend and keep telling the bride how cruel and incentive she is being.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on November 22, 2020 at 5:29 PM
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Reconsider going to the wedding in general*
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on November 22, 2020 at 5:44 PM
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I'm sorry, what? My MOH was 6 months pregnant (and very visibly so). It made 0 difference and she looked great in her non-maternity dress. It happened to be a flowy dress, so it fit her well. Your bride needs a reality check.
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Devoted September 2022
Soon2Bemarried · on November 22, 2020 at 7:04 PM
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The bride is in the wrong here. It’s unfortunate and distasteful that she verbalized her discontent with the pregnant bridesmaid assuming more of the spotlight because she’s pregnant. But to be solution oriented, the bride should take a step back. The bridesmaid is already later in her pregnancy she doesn’t need the stress of the bride. If the bridesmaid thinks she can alter the dress enough to wear it can fit, then let her.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on November 22, 2020 at 10:00 PM
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Wow that’s really bridezilla ... I mean i can see ok she is willing to pay for a new dress for her but then it’s like WHAT DIFF DOES THAT TRULY MAKE? I mean she’s pregnant it’s not like you just miraculously hide the belly.
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Devoted August 2023
Hhh · on November 22, 2020 at 11:03 PM
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Have you asked her about how the pregnancy announcement is making her feel? As someone on the older end and having postponed my wedding a year, it does hurt every time a friend announces they are pregnant. I had to put my life on hold, but they get to move on. I now worry that attending our kid-free, destination wedding won’t be as feasible or a priority for very pregnant or new-moms. I’m thrilled for them, it’s such a special time, but yes it still stings.
Maybe you can have an honest conversation about the root of the problem. Bring up a couple of these ideas of what may be bothering her. If it really is just the worry of being upstaged, then there isn’t much you can do, but it seems likely this is a much deeper issue.
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on November 23, 2020 at 3:10 AM
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Our 10 month old "niblings" were at our wedding, and one of them CROWED with sheer delight as I walked down the aisle.
I'm emotionally mature enough to take that as a *blessing* on my marriage, not as "stealing my spotlight". (Hi, you are in a gigantic white dress, with perfect makeup, and photographers surrounding you. You are the center of attention, I promise.)
The bride is in the wrong. I'd be very blunt with her. (I'd also tell pregnant bestie that ... uh... no, that dress is unlikely to fit her, 7 months is BUMP territory.) But, I'd tell the bride that if she thinks a pregnancy is going to distract from her day, that maybe she is more focused on the wedding than the *getting married* part. Which, hey, if you need to talk about something...
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on November 23, 2020 at 1:35 PM
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I agree with everyone else (and you!) that the bride isn't handling this well. But I don't think there's any upside for you to continue to try to convince the bride to act right. It's not your responsibility to be the mediator and, as you have seen, you can't change her mind anyway. If you continue to push, you could make things worse instead of better. I would just commiserate with the pregnant bridesmaid and support whatever decision she makes.
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Master January 2022
SLY · on November 23, 2020 at 1:41 PM
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Agreeing with everyone else! A pregnant bridesmaid will not take the spotlight away from the bride. Guests aren't there to see the bridal party lol...they're there for the couple getting married! I also agree with comments made above about the bm dress. If it's very flowy and has give...then she could get away with wearing it, but 7 months is baby bump time! She most likely won't fit in it or find a seamstress that can take out that much if she has a big baby bump.
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Dedicated September 2021
MLS · on December 17, 2020 at 6:34 PM
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I understand not wanting everyone staring at someone else on your wedding day. However, I can't imagine reacting that way if my friend was 7 months pregnant as my bridesmaid. The members of my bridal party are all gorgeous, am I going to tell them to be any less beautiful? No, and I would never make a fuss about the dress my pregnant bridesmaid wears at the wedding as long as it's the color I asked for. I want them to be comfortable.
But I also think you need to try and be careful trying to mediate. You have the best of intentions but they have to work it out like two adults.
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