Bride to Bridezilla .... help!

I'm sure there is a reason why you consider this person a friend. I guess we just don't have enough information to judge.

If she gave me the choice to either attend only as a guest or not attend, I would not attend. Someone so self centered who is holding it against you that you couldn't attend a spa weekend because you had a death in the family, is no loss. I would probably be more than a little passive aggressive though, and not respond. If she didn't want me in the bridal party, or in her life, I would make her take action rather than tossing the ball back in my court. She wants to be able to say you quit, rather than owning any part of this herself.

This is a person you have been friends with since you were preschoolers? Not only should she not be upset with you, she should have attended the wake/funeral or at the very least sent her condolences. Instead she is questioning her friendship with you because you chose to stay behind and mourn your aunt? She is the definition of a bad friend. Also, I am not a fan of ultimatums and the second that one came out of her mouth I would have decided NOT to attend that wedding.

I would respond to her by saying that you won't be attending the wedding, and since your friendship will pretty much be over at that point, I'd also call her out on her behavior. Don't tell her you're slightly hurt, tell her that you are incredibly hurt that she's kicking you out of her wedding because you couldn't go to a spa weekend after your aunt died, and that you're sorry that years of friendship are effectively ending because she has determined that you aren't a good enough friend because you were grieving the death of a loved one instead of going to the spa. And I don't care how passive aggressive or whatever that sounds, that's exactly what I'd say because she is being completely unreasonable and selfish.

I was MOH in my friend's wedding recently, and months before the wedding she decided to have a "bridal party BBQ" at her house. The night before, one of my sons ended up having an allergic reaction to a medicine that he was taking and we had to take him to the ER and it was a whole thing, so I ended up not going because I wasn't going to leave my husband to take care of 13 month old twins alone, one of whom was still sick and had just been in the ER. I called my friend, apologized and told her I wished I could be there but I just couldn't go. She said she was disappointed (totally reasonable) but understood and hoped my son felt better. A few weeks later she and I and a few other friends were out and she said something about "some of the bridesmaids" not going to the BBQ, and she looked at me with this face and she had a tone when she said it like clearly I should have been there, and I swear to goodness I looked at her and told her to f--- off, because my son was sick and had been in the ER the night before, and she started to go "no no no I didn't mean you! I was talking about the other 2" and I said "Then you shouldn't have looked right at me when you said it, so stop". Sometimes bridezilla's need to be shut down right away. So shut her down. Call her bluff and tell her that she's being a terrible friend. At this point you have nothing to lose.

Seriously say, "Woah slow your roll. There are other things going on in my life that don't revolve around your wedding, my aunt just *f****** died, and I love you but give me some time to deal with life. K bye. Good night." Friends can call each other out for shitty behavior, and sometimes they have to.

Brides come here all the time and say they want to "fire" a bridesmaid and everyone says it's a friendship-ending move. It is. Your friend is not a friend. She's a bridezilla and you should step away. If she isn't there for you during a loss in your life, she will never be there for you for anything. Move on. Also, avoid her calls when she realizes what she's done after the wedding glow has worn off and she comes back from her honeymoon.

I am so sorry for your loss and that your "friend" is treating you this way. I would tell her that I will not be attending her wedding and then tell call her out on her behavior. After you have been kind enough to take time to help her plan her wedding, she certainly doesn't deserve your friendship.