Bride that does nothing for her bridesmaids

I would consider giving her until after the wedding before you get upset about the lack of displays of gratitude (other than if she's literally not thanking you for help, because that's rude).
My BMs haven't been as involved as you have been, but I plan to take them out for a manicure/pedicure of their choice before the wedding then give them gifts and heartfelt notes thanking them for standing with me at or after the rehearsal dinner. That's what I've been told is the proper etiquette for it.
The bride may be doing the same thing, and currently saving up for the gifts she's planning on giving you then.

Is she requiring you to have your hair and makeup done? If not, she's not obligated to pay. As long as she stayed within yours and the other BM's budget, she's also not obligated to buy your dress.

I do think she should have thanked those who for hosting the parties for her. Did she verbally thank people?

Most brides also give a gift to express their thanks to their bridal party closer to the wedding day so I would be patient.

I would handle this by being happy for her and standing by her side because that's what you agreed to do when you said yes to being in her bridal party.

Correction: I do think she should have thanked the people who thew the parties for her.

There's nothing really to "handle".

I suppose you could tell your bride that you feel like you are spending too much money, but it seems kind of late in the game since it sounds like the shower already happened. Are you expecting her to pay you back? If you are the MoH I would think you know her well enough to know if she had high expectations/ expensive taste etc and any budget concerns could have been addressed then.

It's pretty customary for the BMs to purchase the dress and all of the accessories themselves. It's nice if the bride does, but usually when you accept an invitation to be a bridesmaid, you are also saying yes to a bit of a financial obligation in terms of outfitting yourself. It's always recommended that the bride tactfully/ privately checked with each BM to see if there is a budget that she should stay under when selecting a dress. Hopefully she did do that.

Also the shower- if you agreed to host, I assume you agreed to take on the financial responsibility to do that (assuming you picked the venue and ordered the food-- I assume you knew how much all of that was). Bachelorette is the same thing. If you offer to host, you pay (again I am assuming you picked the activities/ location of the party.)

Hair/ makeup- this is something the bride should pay for IF she insists you have your hair and makeup professionally done. If she's not requiring you to be professionally made up-- then do as you please and skip the pricey hair and makeup.

I personally am paying for my girls to have their hair and makeup done professionally. I am not "requiring" it, but I thought it was a nice treat. My mom hosted my shower and didn't ask for a dime from my girls. They did however take me out to a really nice dinner and drinks afterwards as a girl's night out thing, which was fantastic.

Perhaps your bride has something really lovely planned to sow her appreciation for you--maybe a luncheon, a really nice gift or something else that she has in mind. I would think though that any gifts she does have for you will be presented the day of the wedding, so you might have to wait until then to see. hopefully she comes through and expresses appreciation.

Not really she kinda threw out a basic thanks to everyone who came and made my day special on fb for the shower. I know she loves me and I love her, but I have always been the more thoughtful friend, and I have talked to her about that prior. I will always be there on her big day, and would never make a scene or cause a problem because I care about her feelings. It's not about the money or paying for things, just gratitude in some fashion would be nice.

Like I said not really about the money. I understood the level of financial obligation and I agreed to that. I am okay with that. Just hard to be okay with doing so much when you don't feel appreciated but instead like it's expected. But perhaps I am being hasty, and maybe she does have something planned for the day of.

Be careful with this one because this is how I lost a friendship between my friend who I was maid of honor for at her wedding. We went above and beyond for her, whether she asked us for particular things or not (because throwing her a shower is not mandatory and, if it's your decision to throw one, then the amount you decide to spend is on you). Me and the others felt underappreciated and her point of view was not to do something nice for someone and expecting something in return. But I was the one that said something at the urging and complaints of the other bridesmaids and that's something that I've regret ever since. Yes she didn't seem to appreciate but we were also looking for praise and gratitude during what I now understand to be a pretty stressful time dealing with family, friends, and strangers.

Were the bride's actions of not acknowledging hurtful and ungrateful? Yes. Was what we were looking for and she unable to understand worth losing the friendship over? No. Was I a crappy MOH for bringing it up after the wedding excitement died down? Yes. Were the bridesmaids that pushed me to say something but never backed me up when she went to them asking what my problem was really crappy for doing that. Hell yes. So now I'm getting married, they're all still the best of friends, and none are invited to my wedding.

View Quoted Comment

It seems like it's a bit about the money. Which is fine, we all have personal obligations that need to come first, and then you can do the extra stuff like throw a nice party for your friends.

You said it yourself- you are the more thoughtful friend- so this seems in character for her, according to you.

I don't think there is really anything you can say now. Parties have been thrown. Dresses have been purchased. The time to speak up would have been months ago when she asked you to be MoH.

View Quoted Comment I am so sorry. That is hard. My maid of honor didn't show up to my wedding because she suddenly couldn't afford to be there, a few days before the wedding. I am no longer friends with that person and haven't talked to her since. I have gone above and beyond to make sure I do a good job. I met this friend later in life. But she did ask for a bachelorette and bridal shower; so I worked to make that happen.

Geez I didn't buy my BMs dresses, shoes, hair, or make up and they didn't get their cards until a month after the wedding for the shower and two months for the wedding!

Honestly, unless she requires certain hair or makeup she doesn't *need* to pay for your hair and makeup.

Why not just sit her down and tell her you are feeling unappreciated. It kind of just sounds like she's over her head and super busy.

This is a really tough one as I felt the same way when I hosted a shower and I was the MOH. But also lesson learned that when you say something you can loose a friend. 6 weeks before I said something and we are no longer friends

I was an MoH, and i felt that it was my responsibility to show up for the bride. I did what she asked and bought my dress and planned her bachelorette party. I dont really think MoH duties are more than that, and just know that you get no medal for worlds best MoH. I could be wrong, but arent the moms reponsible for showers and make up?

I don’t know... I hope my MOH doesn’t feel the same way right now. I have not purchased her dress or shoes, but also I have only requested a color for the dress and “approved” one of the few picks she had. I am not requiring hair and makeup but I offered to pay for her and she’s getting it done. I didn’t make a proposal box, nor did I make a big fuss over social media because she accepted being my MOH. I looked at her and said she had to be because there would be no one like her in my life (she’s my FSIL and we are VERY close) she said if I didn’t ask she’d let me know she’d be my MOH and that was that. I don’t tell her she’s doing an amazing job all the time but she knows I’m greatful because she knows me. I have been on my worse level of stress and all I can think about is how to fix things to get back on track before my wedding day. I will be giving her something small at the shower and a nicer gift the day of my wedding. Maybe give your friend time? I’m not saying to brush off your feelings, but wait and see what happens as the wedding comes around, then talk to her. It’s hard to be on “brides shoes” maybe she doesn’t realize the way you feel.

I have been a part of two of my best friend's wedding and I paid for my dresses, make-up, shoes, hair, activities for the bride and bridal gift. I understood that when I said yes to the invitation of bridesmaid/MOH that I would have to financially pay for certain things for myself to be in the wedding and for the bride. Also, as a bridesmaid group we discussed the budget that everyone was willing to pay. I would wait to talk to your bride, since she is probably getting gifts to show appreciation near the date of the wedding. I'm sure she may not be meaning to not say thanks or show her appreciation since planning a wedding involves many moving parts and I can relate since I am a bride now with both of my friends in my wedding party. Just give her time, trust me she knows and sees all the hard work you are doing.
Sara

Can you be my bridesmaid. None of mine are doing absolutely anything for me. I have paid so much for their gifts for the day of the wedding and their pre wedding proposal gifts.

While weddings are expensive, what you give as a gift you can't take back. You chose to be that gifting and involved. Some people are not good at writing cards. Maybe she will express her gratitude the day of the wedding. If getting your make up and hair is not obligated I would just do it myself if I were you. When you accept to be in a wedding you accept to certain expenses like your outfit and attire. Dress, shoes, and possibly make up and hair. I am also not paying for their dresses, nor shoes, nor hair and make up. They have a certain dress to wear and they can pick any kind of shoe as long as its nude. They have the choice of not doing their make up. Hair is a choice but I would appreciate it if they all had it done but I found someone cheap for $25.00. But I have expressed my thanks to all of them and always write thank you cards. I wouldn't stress of the bride about this. She has so many other things to think of. I am sure she appreciates all your HELP! believe me. I would love to have such great bridesmaids involved in mine like yourself.

This seems to be a recurring issue on this site. Yes you can feel a bit peeved if the bride hasn’t verbally expressed her gratitude for the shower and other events. However if you’re peeved bc you haven’t received a gift or bc you’re paying for things then that’s a bit childish. Like another poster said, you don’t give bc you expect to be given something in return.

As far as paying for your dress, hair, makeup, etc, you agreed to this financial obligation when you said yes. the bride should be mindful of everyone’s budget tho.

When I did my bridesmaid proposal, I gave each bridesmaid a lil wooden box with a shot glass, a ferrero rocher chocolate, a travel size bottle of their fav liquor and a candle. I also include my color palette and a memo of all the other bridesmaids contact info and a notecard listing the the tentative total cost of dress, shoes, hair, and makeup. I did this to make sure they knew what to expect to spend and could make an informed decision to participate. What was not included was tentative cost of bachelorette and/or bridal shower bc those are optional events thrown by the bridal party . I feel like that saved me a lot of headache later down the line.