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Just Said Yes September 2021

Bride paying for bridal shower?

Ali, on February 26, 2020 at 12:25 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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Hi everyone,
I am getting married in about a year and a half. I know I still have quite a bit of time but I’ve been thinking about etiquette for bridal showers and who is supposed to pay? My mom and grandma passed away a few years ago and I’m not really close with my aunts and my sisters who are in the wedding I don’t think fully understand what their responsibilities are as they are both teens and don’t seem up for planning a bridal shower and don’t have the funds to do so. My fiancé’s side I can’t see them getting super involved with planning either. Would it be wrong for me to reserve a bridal shower venue for myself and kind of plan it? Should I just not do a bridal shower if no one else seems interested in planning one? I’d really like to have one though that’s the thing.

Thank you for any advice!

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Agarb, on February 28, 2020 at 2:38 PM

Master October 2020
Mandi · on February 26, 2020 at 12:45 AM
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I wouldn't. You might be surprised by your fiances family.
I was surprised by his family as well as my extended family who stepped up and threw/are throwing showers for us.
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Just Said Yes September 2021
Ali · on February 26, 2020 at 1:02 AM
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Okay thank you that’s good to know! Maybe it’s just way to soon that they just haven’t started thinking about it yet. I’ll give it time. 😊
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Super February 2021
Don · on February 26, 2020 at 1:12 AM
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Hi Ali,
I would give it some time, I think the girls will come together for you, most of us brides to be want a shower, it's okay to drop hints if you don't get wind of one being planned!
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Super April 2020
Anna · on February 26, 2020 at 1:50 AM
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I agree with Mandi. My wedding is super small, only 39 people total. I wasn't expecting to have a bridal shower. Well my fmil asked me she wanted to throw me one. I was so taken back. I am still shocked she did. Its still early, so you never know what might happen.
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Expert May 2021
Rachael · on February 26, 2020 at 6:59 AM
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I would wait a little bit and then see. Maybe have your FH talk to his family without you and ask if they'd mind planning it and he could even offer to pay for some of it. If they don't want to you could do an I do bbq type thing, not as formal as regular shower.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 26, 2020 at 7:16 AM
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Technically etiquette dictates that you cannot throw your own bridal shower but honestly I wouldn't blink twice if a bride said she was doing her own bridal shower. What I would do is maybe hint around that you want one and see if someone stepped up and throws one. Also something that I'm doing because my fiance and I have lived together for almost 5 years and really I don't need any bridal shower gifts for the house so my maid of honor is just going to host a bridal brunch and you know what she is building a house and has two kids so I'm going to help her pay for it. Maybe that's kind of a loophole that way you just leased have a day to celebrate and how have the spotlight on you.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on February 26, 2020 at 7:18 AM
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It’s typically seen as rude to host a gift giving event for yourself.
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Master September 2019
Sherry · on February 26, 2020 at 9:16 AM
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You still have well over a year but to directly answer your question, yes, it would be wrong for you to plan your own shower. If no one offers to host one for you, you just don't have one. You can however host a bridal brunch of sorts as long as there are no gifts. If you don't have a shower, people will bring their gifts to the wedding/have them shipped to you or just give you cash.
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Super March 2020
kymarmck · on February 26, 2020 at 9:46 AM
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Etiquette wise, if no one offers to throw you a bridal shower you're not supposed to have one.
Personally, I wouldn't be offended if a bride planned her own bridal shower. Chances are I wouldn't even realize! Especially if you personally only sent out invites (my mom and MOH did Facebook invites) and then at the actual shower you have your sisters run the games and make sure everyone is having a good time so you can sit back and mingle!
I would consult with FH's family and ask, in a no obligation sort of way, if they would be interested in throwing you a shower. If they don't want to, you can decide then if you want to plan one yourself or just skip it!
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on February 26, 2020 at 12:07 PM
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This is a hard situation to be in for sure. Since your wedding isn't for over a year, I wouldn't stress. I'd focus on wedding planning. Then maybe revisit the idea in June/July 2021. Showers don't need more than a month or two of planning and they typically happen 1-3 months before the wedding. Your husband's family might step up by then or want to host a couples shower.
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Savvy November 2020
Agarb · on February 28, 2020 at 2:38 PM
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Totally - I would have him put some feelers out with his family and gently mention that this is something that you would love to have but without your mom you're not sure it will happen. Sometimes you just have to put the idea in people's minds!
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