Bride in distress

That seems like a lot for you to be doing. What is your FI doing to help? I hope you can get everything sorted in time. It would help both budget and planning if you kept the guest list low. Good luck with all of that.

I would definitely lay out these issues to your fiance and make sure he understands what it means to move it up. July is definitely doable if you decide to go for it, but HE needs to be part of saving and planning for it too.

View Quoted Comment That’s the frustrating part for me. It seems like he doesn’t want to be involved in planning at all. He told me “dont be annoying” with the planning. So I’ve been trying to do it all myself, I found a venue I like and wanted to work with but he told me doesn’t want to spend a bunch on a venue. So now I’m stuck trying to figure out an outdoor recreational spot I could do it, still have to figure out a cater, gotta figure out if I’m gonna need to rent seating and chairs and buy decor now, along with finding an officant, buying all the wedding attire. In order to get a cater with an open bar we have to go to hours because we live in the middle of no where Oregon. So I am searching the city we go to for Walmart and such, again 2 hours away, and their outdoor recreational options. My maid of honor is being a trooper and helping me as much as she can. But before the venue basically had many of the amenities, now I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to need to get for the ceremony and reception all in 5 months. I won’t be able to start seriously saving until April because I am saving to go see my great grandmother who has pancreatic cancer, she won’t be around very much longer and I need to see her before she’s gone. I am a caregiver and make good money but I don’t think my budget will be bigger than 2,500-5,000. Really depends on saving now

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I'm sorry, but I just see red flags there. So he wants a wedding but nothing to do with working to make it happen? Does he do this with other big events or goals in your life? How much realistically can yon save in two months now? Is he helping save? How many people do you want at your wedding?

So many questions/concerns.

View Quoted Comment If he wants to change the date, then he needs to help with the planning. I think the two of you need to have a long and serious talk.

View Quoted Comment So I found an outdoor spot that will run me 330$ with the liquor insurance, he said it looks nice. In two months, and with the little bit left over from bills and saving for the trip realistically I can save around 3,00-4,500 in a couple months, I get around 1,000-1,200 a check and i certainly hope he plans to save with me, he gets 500-800 a check, we are both paid biweekly. I think he wants to help with the planning he’s just not sure of what to look for or do. I think he realized he upset me earlier because he seems a little more engaged now. So far our guest list isn’t bigger than 50 people, all of our family live in the area, only people who will be traveling to the wedding is his grandparents on his moms side and my grandparents on my moms side. Most his uncles and family live in the area we plan to do it in My mom lives here and a trip over there is nothing, as I said we do it all the time for Walmart. His parents and mine live in our town, the rest of the family is a couple hours away. We aren’t a large family or social people, we don’t have kids yet, we each have I think two friends who may come 😅, so there’s not going to be as many people which does save money. I think he’s doing his own little planning and trying to surprise me, I don’t think he means to come off an uninterested.

My question is whats the rush? Don't get me wrong but you planned for next year but now he's like let's do it NOW!. Just a question but it raises a red flag for me if you already agreed for next year, he needs to know that its stressful to plan a wedding and he needs to help. Good luck!

Have a “Stock the bar” engagement party/shower and use that liquor at the wedding. Or, over time start buying bulk liquor and plan to use that to save a ton in alcohol expenses — obviously depending on your venue’s liquor restrictions. I know in Massachusetts I used to tend the Barrix as a catering host with the liquor the couple provided — just served by someone with a liquor license!


Look for nontraditional venues — we’re

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Couple things about this. First is that it's against etiquette to throw a party for yourself where there is an expectation of gifts. That would be up to someone else to host for you, similar to a wedding shower. Second is that it's not polite to ask your guests to contribute to the cost of the wedding in any way, and in a lot of areas that would be considered a faux pas. Just a couple words of caution on that.

Something that I am against but a lot of people do it.

If y'all are wanting to get married that soon, just go to the courthouse and get married and just save for several months to have a big party and invite all your guest to that. If you really must get get married this year. Don't do it just to be doing it because there will be regrets later. If y'all really love each other, keep your original date for next year and plan accordingly so that you aren't so stressed and pushed for time. I really see a lot of red flags.

With all due respect, are you sure that even 5-6K for a wedding is a responsible use of money with your income, finances and short term goals? I could understand if the motivation to get married now Is so your grandmother could be there, but since that's not the case, what is the rush for marriage and kids? Do you have an adequate cushion or emergency savings?

I also see red flags here. You said "I think he realized he upset me earlier because he seems a little more engaged now." That's not how open communication works in a mature, healthy relationship. Not to mention your own opinion seems lost in all this.

I won't bring up the many red flags already mentioned, but I do want to add many couples choose a wedding date based on their budgeting and saving timeline. To do this, you must make informed decisions based on costs of vendors not just an arbitrary budget amount. So if that takes an additional year, then you actually need a year's worth of money. Or you can reduce expectations and plan an earlier date. Your partner picked a date, didn't get rates, and refused to take part in planning giving you all the burden. Tackle it together and reduce both of your anxieties about planning. You can plan a wedding of any scale in 5 months, just decide if you need to take on optional stress.


Also, many people budget for more than one life event at a time. You can budget for a wedding, a home, a family etc simultaneously not just one at a time. Look up free budgeting and couples financial planning online. If you need to open up additional bank accounts to move money, this may allow you Both to see the efforts of your saving in measurable numbers.
Your lot is not that different from other couples where one person doesn't know how to budget nor know what it takes to plan. Tackling it together will be your first foray into sharing the responsibility of making a happy life. Good luck.

Budget savers - 1. use sheet cake for guests, small simple cake for pictures and cutting 2. keep center pieces simple - do you remember centerpieces of the last wedding you went to? Use 3 simple candles in varying heights from dollar tree in your colors with a few colored stones. People are there for you, food and music

Olive garden rule: if you paid for everyone to eat an apptizer, entre, desert and a glass of wine and tip at olive garden it would cost $120 each in this econemy. Feeding everyone is expensive. Now that you have a venue at a venue, figuring out how to feed everyone is your next priority.
You could have a cake and punch reception in the afternoon from 1 to 4
It's in July, maybe a cook out with a grill?
Do you have a rain plan?
I moved from my hometown 3 years ago. I planned my home town wedding with a 1 week vacation to tour venues, phone calls emails and zoom
I had a meeting with my FH where we went through everything that needs to get done and split the list up. Something like
Guest list: both
venue: Sarah
Music: FH
Paperwork with town clerk: FH
Buy a suit: FH
Buy a dress: Sarah
Food: FH
Alcoholarah
Email Invitations:FH
Officiant:FH
Write vows and speachesarah
Call guest that haven't RSVPd:Mom
That way you are spliting the responsibility and cost. I was worried because FH wasn't interested in planning from 1 year until 3 months before. He said 'Don't worry, It will be fine' when ever I asked him for help. Fortionatly once we reached 3 months before he started planning seriously, and he got all of his tasks done.

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Uh. Sarah? you should be able to edit your post to remove the faces. If that does not work from the phone, go to the website to do edits. It is not a big issue. But if you edit the post, just make sure there is a space before your name.

Nope, nothing happens when I click the edit button. In a previous post I didn't realize you needed HTML for line breaks, and I couldn't edit that one either.