Bride and Groom want Different Themes!

I suppose I'm of the philosophy that a wedding is more than enough of a theme all on its own. I see a barn or country theme as more to do with the venue than a dedicated theme. Likewise, I see a Hawaiian theme as being best suited for a wedding in Hawaii. Assuming the wedding is not taking place in Hawaii, it makes more sense to me that the wedding might be held in a barn or barn like venue.

Could they compromise? Your daughter gets her barn wedding and they take a honeymoon to Hawaii at some point?

First of all, I want to say how lovely it is that you are excited to give your daughter and her fiancé, the reception of their dreams. We hear about so many parents that try to take over the events and make them their own vision – it is so refreshing to see such a caring parent who wants to make their child’s dream come true 💕
That being said, if you could find a barn venue with separate areas for the cocktail hour and reception, you could give them both what they want! You could do a Hawaiian theme in the room for cocktail hour, and a rustic theme in the room for the reception.

View Quoted Comment Thank you, Cece, for your kindness. I totally want to make this all about them, Not Me! Haha! Your idea is brilliant! I will take that into consideration. God bless you!

View Quoted Comment Thank you for responding, CM. They actually Are going to Hawaii for their Honeymoon! I will run your idea by my daughter. God bless!

Everyone needs to get on the same page and learn where you can each compromise. It’s not her day only with the groom as an afterthought, which unfortunately some weddings tend to be. Wedding planning gives practice for life after the wedding on communication and compromise between the couple and and learning how to set and maintain boundaries with people outside of the couple unit, despite best intentions.


Based on bare information given, the barn is a venue and Hawaii is an aesthetic. Oddly enough, some people have a lot of pushback when you say the word “theme” and think it means a kids’ party when you mean aesthetic/vibes/colors. They can be combined as much of Hawaii is rustic and not commercialized for tourists. Can they compromise by having the barn/country venue with lots of air conditioning because they are not designed for air flow, and a local Hawaiian/Asian restaurant to provide drop off catering? One anniversary party we attended years ago had a Hawaiian/Asian menu because the couple enjoyed traveling there, though the decor and venue didn’t fit the Hawaiian aesthetic, and the menu was raved about as being the best food at a wedding related event for months and years afterward.

I agree that unless you're in Hawaii, a Hawaiian themed wedding is going to be hard to pull off. Not trying to favor the bride's idea over the groom's, but for example I'm in Wisconsin, and to transform Wisconsin into Hawaiian themed means light up palm trees and leis; ideas best left for a birthday party.


Maybe the venue can be rustic/barn decorated, and have Hawaiian style catering? Hawaiian themed signature drinks? But leave Hawaiian decorating to the honeymoon

View Quoted Comment Michelle, your reply makes SO much sense. Thank you for taking the time to respond with such eloquence and intelligence! I'll think about your scenarios as well! God bless.

View Quoted Comment Brenda, I was just thinking the same thing. Although I'm in the San Francisco Bay Area and there's a lot of creative people around, you're right.... it's still tough. God bless you!