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Just Said Yes October 2022

Bridal Shower when you live out of state

Sarah, on December 19, 2021 at 2:09 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 3

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Hi! So I’m having kind of a dilemma. I live out of state from most of my family (granted my family consists of 5 people) and my MOH (who lives where my family does) wants to start planning a bridal shower. I just recently was her MOH and flew back and forth to my home state many times so she wants to do it where I live to save me some money and leave through work since it’s not easy for me to take time off. However, my mom is angry and wants me to have it back home since “none of my family” will travel to where I live and she can’t be involved with planning since she doesn’t live here so therefore I’m not including her. She wanted to throw me a shower back home and have someone else do one in my home state if I want one there but like I said, I have limited leave and have spending a lot constantly flying home all year. I don’t know what to do. I feel like this whole wedding process is being ruined because my mom is upset I moved away 4 years ago. None of it has been fun because she gets jealous of everyone else. Should I just not have a shower? Is it rude to ask family to travel for a shower? I wouldn’t be upset if they couldn’t go.

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Latest activity by Michelle, on December 19, 2021 at 4:03 PM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on December 19, 2021 at 2:44 PM
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I don’t think it’s rude to have the shower where it’s more convenient for you, but everyone I know who got married/live somewhere a far distance from their hometown has done what your mom is suggesting-a local shower and then a hometown shower. It’s fine if that doesn’t work with your schedule though. I’d just let her know that your MOH is handling it and you’ll understand if she can’t make it.
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Super May 2021
Stacey · on December 19, 2021 at 3:00 PM
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Plan the shower that works best for you and your schedule, and causes you the least stress. Invite everyone you want to be there, and have a great time celebrating with those who can be there in person. Beyond that, you can’t really control whether people attend, and you have to be understanding if people decline who you had otherwise really hoped would be there. I would definitely travel by plane for a wedding; would I travel by flight to a shower? Probably not…it would really depend on the circumstance and person. If it was drivable I would definitely go to a shower as long as my schedule allowed. I think the complexity of airfare/hotel/multiple travel days for a shower just isn’t feasible for everyone. But… don’t take your mom’s warning of “no one will come.” Sounds like she’s just trying to bully you into getting her way, and some of your relatives might still make it.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on December 19, 2021 at 4:03 PM
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I agree with this. Either way, the bride should not plan her own shower at all because it’s a gift giving occasion. Bridesmaids and friends who are local to you will offer to host one or you do without. Mom can host a shower when it convenient for you to visit her area.
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