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Gen
Champion June 2019

Bridal shower when everyone lives far away

Gen, on May 29, 2018 at 12:18 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14

I have 3 people in my bridal party (MOH and 2 bridesmaids) and MOH and 1 bridesmaid live very far away. My mom has offered to throw me a shower but I feel like it would be weird to have a shower without either of them, but at the same time I don't want to make them feel obligated to fly out here twice in one year (for the shower and then the wedding). Should I just not have the shower or should I leave it up to them for what they want to do? Help Smiley sad

14 Comments

Latest activity by PBiazinha, on May 30, 2018 at 10:23 AM
  • Darcy
    Dedicated May 2019
    Darcy ·
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    I’m in the same boat. We’ve talked about having the bridal shower a couple days before the wedding since we have a lot of invites coming from out of town anyways. It’s a lot to talk for our local guests but see what works best for your close family and friends. I’ve also talked about it with my bridal party to forego the shower all together so we’ll see! Good luck planning!
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  • W
    Just Said Yes June 2018
    Wally ·
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    If your mom wants to throw you a bridal party, I say go for it! Invite your MOH and bridesmaid but of course leave it up to them and let them know you’re okay and understand if they can’t make it. Good luck!
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  • Neffe
    Master July 2020
    Neffe ·
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    Hi Genevieve! I definitely understand your dilemma, as it might feel awkward having them make two long-distance trips. I definitely think you should have the shower! See if they can attend! How far apart is the shower from the wedding? This will determine how close they will have to travel.

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    That's what I was thinking actually. My wedding is on a Sunday and rehearsal dinner will be Saturday night, so I was thinking of just having a girl's night on Friday to serve as a dual bachelorette party/bridal shower I guess

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  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·
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    I'm having a traditional bridal shower in my hometown where only 3 of my 5 can come, and a couples shower in FL where we live now where only 2 will be there. I would've loved to have my whole bridal party together before the wedding at my shower, but as long as we are all together at the wedding thats all that matters to me!

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  • SB
    VIP March 2019
    SB ·
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    If your mom wants to throw you a shower, I say go ahead and do it and extend an invite to your out of town guests, but let them know there is no obligation to make it. I like your idea of a girls night the Friday before. That way if they can't make the shower, they will still feel apart of the celebration before the wedding. Smiley smile

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  • firstoneat56
    Master August 2017
    firstoneat56 ·
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    I would suggest having the shower. The host should call the ladies in your bridal party personally and let them know that she's throwing a shower and of course they are invited but due to the distance, it's totally understandable if they can't make it. It would be much more comfortable for them to decline when talking with your mom, rather than just sending them an invitation.

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  • Jaycie
    Expert March 2019
    Jaycie ·
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    If yout mom wants to host a shower, let her. Still send invitations even if they can't make it. My Matron and Made of Honor live in NC while I'm in TX. My mom also lives here as does a lot of our family. I certainly don't expect them to really come for anything else besides wedding. I plan do to a quick weekend up there when it comes to bachelorette weekend.
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  • T
    Super December 2018
    T P ·
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    It is very kind of your mother to offer to throw a shower for you, and it would not be inconsiderate to extend the invitation to your maid of honor and bridesmaid. I encourage you to support their ability to determine for themselves if they are capable of attending. If you share your concerns with them, and genuinely express that you do not believe they should feel any obligation to travel so far for the shower, then all will resolve amicably. Best of luck!
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  • Rachel
    VIP September 2018
    Rachel ·
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    My mom, sister and FMIL are throwing a shower for FH and I and two of my BM's live far away. I asked that they be invited but I texted them saying that I completely understand that two trips would be rough. I just wanted them to feel welcome. While it would feel more complete to have them there, I think it will still be a nice experience even if it just ends up being family.

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  • Heather
    Expert August 2018
    Heather ·
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    2 of my BM live outside my local area. I'm still having a bachelorette party, but I understand they may not be able to make it. I knew that was an obstacle when I asked them to be BM's.
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    Four of daughter's 5 BM's live out of state. We had her shower at a time her OOS MOH was going to be here, so only two of the five were able to attend. I hosted the shower, but beforehand, I emailed all five BMs and asked for their input, and then did my best to incorporate their ideas. For the "guess the bride's age in the photos" game, I only used pictures of the B with one or more of her BMs, so all five were included and guests got some idea of how long daughter had been friends with them all (the five range from knowing her for between 9-23 years...). I also invited the three who couldn't attend to send a letter for the B to read (to herself) as she opened gifts at the shower. Daughter had a wonderful time with the 25 women who could attend -- about half & half her local friends and family -- but at the same time, we included her BMs who couldn't be with us physically. Smiley heart

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    That is such a great idea, thank you!

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  • PBiazinha
    VIP May 2018
    PBiazinha ·
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    If your mom is graciously offering you a shower accept it. I understand wanting your friends there but not everything has to be about friends. Your family, FH's family and other friends too want to celebrate you and this moment in your life. Let them! If the BP cannot make it, it's okay, they will be at the wedding and that is the most important thing. Just make it clear to them that you won't expect them to fly in for the shower as you know it is a lot to ask.

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