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Bridal Shower Schedule Conflict

Rings&Things, on July 18, 2021 at 12:21 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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Hi all! I’m a bridesmaid in a wedding this year and we’ve been given dates for their main events (shower, rehearsal, bach party, etc) but no other details. My fiancé and I received a wedding invitation from one of his good childhood friends. The bridal shower and wedding are both on the same day located 2 hours away from each other. I reached out to the bride (she is involved in planning it) asking what time her shower would be at. I explained the situation to her as well because I would like to attend both and in order to make it to the ceremony on time I would need to leave by 2pm. She said she is unsure of what time but it may begin anywhere from 1-2pm. I know traditionally showers are often in the late morning/early afternoon. I plan of giving her a gift regardless and I will show up even if it’s just for a half an hour. I would like to also go to the wedding because we will definitely invite this couple to our wedding.
My question is, is it okay to miss the shower if the times end up conflicting?

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on July 19, 2021 at 7:09 PM

Super December 2020
Anais · on July 18, 2021 at 12:29 PM
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In my opinion, yes. A wedding is more important than a bridal shower.
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Jm Sunshine Online · on July 18, 2021 at 12:36 PM
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The common misconception is that BMs are "required" to attend all pre-wedding events. This is not true. Your only "duty" is to wear the prescribed outfit and be an attendant to the bride day of wedding. It is helpful to attend wedding rehearsal as well.
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Master October 2020
Yasmine · on July 18, 2021 at 1:38 PM
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It's definitely okay especially if you still want to her her a gift. She should understand, it's not like you're missing her wedding
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on July 18, 2021 at 2:01 PM
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Wedding trumps shower. Every single time. Doesn't matter if you're a bridemaid or not
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on July 18, 2021 at 7:08 PM
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Definitely OK to miss the shower. You're previously booked.
The bride should not be involved in planning her shower.
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Devoted August 2021
Sylvana · on July 19, 2021 at 6:54 AM
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Yes, wedding trumps shower.

I'd send your friend a bridal shower gift along with a nice card. I'd try to stop by the bridal shower if there is time after the wedding but if not, I'd just give her a call later that night or the next day to see how the shower went.
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Dedicated October 2022
Nicolle · on July 19, 2021 at 2:49 PM
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Depending on the situation with the shower, maybe you can help set up or put together stuff for it and do all the rando bridesmaidy things for the shower so you are still showing that it's a priority and if it doesn't start until too late, you've still been supporto gal?? But I get the conflict. I would also be like HOW DO WE DO BOTH??
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Judith · on July 19, 2021 at 6:53 PM
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Yes. A shower is a secondary party. You are there to give a second gift. It would never over rule anyone's actual shower.
In some weddings bridesmaids ( some or all) or family give showers, otherwise friends. The people giving the shower are the hosts, and the most up to date info would be from them. If they sound people out and several want change of date or time, they may well change it. Let them know your issue. Months away, they may not have any but a planning date. Every oneI have ever done a shower with has not set final time and date before 4 months, sometimes 3.
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