Bridal shower question

My experience with that is whoever volunteers to throw the shower pays for it. As a bridesmaid, I've never chipped in and as a bride, my bridesmaids didn't chip in.

In my group of friends the MOH and BMs always plan it and chip in with the moms. I've never been in a wedding that I didn't help plan and contribute financially for both bridal shower and bachlorette party. You can always ask if any of your girls want to help but make it clear its not mandatory if you feel weird about asking. Just so if any of them want to be included they have that option.

As a bridesmaid or MOH, I have always chipped in in some way towards the shower, as have the rest of the bridal parties I've been in, and not because we feel obligated to, but because we want to.

As far as planning goes, when I was MOH for my friend a few years back, I got together with her mom and we planned everything out together.

ETA: The mother insisted on helping plan my friend's shower.

I also have only seen showers where the moh and BMs host and pay for the shower. Sometimes the mothers take part as well.

Moms shouldn't plan the shower for starters, the bridal party should. I do't think it's horrible to ask the BM's to chip in, but they should initiate the process, not your moms.

Yeah agreed w Celia, the etiquette is that immediate family isn't supposed to host the shower -- I think because it looks gift-grubbing (consider olden values where a gift to the bride is "the same" as a gift to the mother and vice versa.. A gift to the family).

But if your MOH already said they don't want to spend more money then I guess that's your answer (even if the MOH is wrong about the etiquette as it is not rude or inconsiderate of your mom to ask).

Yeah I'm with team Moms-don't-plan-showers... My bridesmaids planned/paid for my shower.

I agree. The mothers generally should not be planning the showers. When I got married the first time my bridal party did it. But, in any event, no one should be involving you.

Amongst my family members, the mother of the bride and FMIL always throw it.

For my sister, I was MOH, my mom and I threw it.

For me, my mom, two bridesmaids and MOH are throwing it.

I think it's really just whomever wants to. I don't think it's inconsiderate to ask if they would like to be involved in helping but it's definitely inconsiderate to expect them to

If the bridesmaids and MOH want to help plan and pay for the shower they can offer. Your mother (or you) should not be asking them for money. Since your mother and FMIL have already started the planning, the financial obligation for the shower falls on them.

Regardless of what some silly articles say, throwing pre-wedding parties is not mandatory for BMs, they are gifts and people offer to throw them if they want to.

Also, the rule about mothers not throwing showers is pretty outdated and has relaxed a lot. I don't see a problem with the mothers hosting the shower.

In my social circle BMs are leading the charge in the planning process. I think Moms like to be involved, and if they are willing and able to help foot the bill, why not?

Sounds like in your social circle, the BP had no idea, are your mom and FMIL happy to plan and pay?

If the bridal party offered, it is one thing but by asking them you are putting them in an awkward situation. I have been to a wedding where the FMIL plan and pay for the bridal shower as a gift to the bride. I have been to another wedding where the bridesmaids did it. There should be no right or wrong just whoever feels comfortable it.

Your mom said she found articles in which the MOH plans the shower. Well I think she did a very biased research. She probably googled: "should the MOH plan the bridal shower" which is not surprisingly that she will get several articles stating it is the responsibility of the MOH to plan the shower.

I googled the following phrase "who should pay for bridal shower" (see the difference?) and guess what the very first article said?

"Whoever is hosting the shower generally pays the way, whether it's the maid of honor, a female friend or family member of the bride, or the bridal party. The host should not ask for contributions from the guests or from others (they're bringing gifts after all)."

The first article can be found at:

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-questions/bridal-shower-questions/qa/who-pays-for-the-bridal-shower.aspx

Honestly this is a very gray area. If I really wanted to I can found as much articles supporting one side or the other side as I want. So in this case, you really need to decide what is best for you and your circle of people.

Your mom obviously wants the MOH to chip in and found all these articles to support it. She even asked the MOH if she wants to chip in and your MOH made it very clear it is "inconsiderate and rude". Your mom got the answer (granted it wasn't what she wanted) instead of just dropping it, is dragging you into it. Your mom needs to drop the subject with the MOH. IMHO, it is not worth losing your best friend over a party.