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Expert June 2018

Bridal shower plus one?! 😳

Mrs.Henderson2b, on April 6, 2018 at 9:26 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14

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Ok so my MtrnOH (my aunt) and one my BMs (who’s also my cousin) are throwing me a shower. I’ve supplied them a guest list of ladies based on my wedding guest list. My aunt tells me today that she asked my cousin if she had anyone she wanted to invite?! Um what??! I had to tell her that she nor my cousin can invite someone to my shower if I for one didn’t include them on the guest list and for two they’re not invited to the wedding! My aunt was stunned and said she sent the invites out today and included some of HER friends!! 😮 what the..? Who does this? Now what should she do about the invitations to HER friends? Should she contact them to uninvite them? I’ve already made it clear that I’m not inviting anyone else to our wedding. 😑

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs.Henderson2b, on April 7, 2018 at 11:36 AM

Expert September 2018
Alondra S. · on April 6, 2018 at 9:34 PM
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Wow this is incredibly rude and inconsiderate. I can't believe she did this to you. I don't have any advice, but I feel for you, OP.
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Dedicated October 2018
Melissa · on April 6, 2018 at 9:36 PM
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You can explain to your Aunt that your budget is at max and the women on your guest list are also the women you are including in your wedding! Explain to your aunt that since she took it upon herself to invite them against your wishes that she will need to cover their plates at the reception as well.. I believe she meant no harm and was trying to not leave anyone out BUT she should of asked you for clarification.. Best of Luck!!
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Expert June 2018
Mrs.Henderson2b · on April 6, 2018 at 9:42 PM
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Very inconsiderate i agree..Thank you 😏
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Just Said Yes May 2020
Kristina · on April 6, 2018 at 9:43 PM
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What a nightmare. But its your choices. Dont feel bad about uninviting people to something you didnt approve.
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Champion June 2018
muriel · on April 6, 2018 at 9:46 PM
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I would not feel obligated to add these women to the guest list for the wedding. I would leave this in your aunt's hands. She can contact them and say that she invited them in error,, that they are not on the wedding guest list and she should not have invited them. They will probably be gracious and say it doesn't matter. This is all on your aunt.
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Expert June 2018
Mrs.Henderson2b · on April 6, 2018 at 9:48 PM
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No I don’t think she meant any harm either but I was taken a back by her inviting her friends. These ppl COULD be ppl we both know. I’m just not as close to them as she is—Thus no invitation to the wedding. We’re already at capacity. I really thought she would know better and no clarification was needed but I now see I had a lapse in judgement. 😏 Thank you for the advice!! 😊
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Expert June 2018
Mrs.Henderson2b · on April 6, 2018 at 9:56 PM
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A nightmare indeed! I don’t feel bad at all. I’ve told some of my own family they couldn’t come. 😂
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Expert June 2018
Mrs.Henderson2b · on April 6, 2018 at 10:00 PM
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I’m definitely not adding anyone else to our wedding guest list. We’re already at capacity as is. Thank you! And you’re right, this is on her. 🤷🏽‍♀️
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Devoted October 2018
Kimberly · on April 6, 2018 at 11:14 PM
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I think it is up to your aunt to uninvite them or if it is ok with you still let them be invited to the shower if they wish to come, especially if she is helping to pay, but let them know they aren't getting a wedding invite. I think I would feel bad uninviting them to the shower if they did get that invite. I have had my FH's mom do that at parties in the past but never something as big as a wedding shower (which implies a wedding invite).
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April 2018
GoodMOB · on April 6, 2018 at 11:33 PM
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Just let your aunt take care of this, since she messed it up.
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Devoted May 2018
FutureLadyH · on April 7, 2018 at 1:11 AM
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I think it's ok for them to attend the shower as long as she makes it clear to them that they will not receive a wedding invite. You're about 2 months out from your wedding so people will know by the time the shower rolls around whether they are invited or not. If they choose to celebrate with you at the shower without an invite to the wedding that's on them. A lot of mothers and aunts do this so they get the chance to celebrate with their friends. And their friends come! I guess it's one of those things we won't understand til the shoe is on the other foot.
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VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on April 7, 2018 at 8:56 AM
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Let her worry about it, don’t give it another second of thought. You told her all that she needs to know at this point.

This is definitely something my mother would do and wanted to do for our pre wedding events. Luckily when she was mentioning it to me I corrected her, which she is still in a huff about!
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Devoted May 2019
Lee · on April 7, 2018 at 9:03 AM
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As long as you don't have to invite them to your wedding try to ignore it. I agree it's super weird and rude. I doubt these people would expect to be invited to your wedding.
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Expert June 2018
Mrs.Henderson2b · on April 7, 2018 at 11:36 AM
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Thanks everyone for the advice and input! I’ll definitely deal with it IF they come.
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