Bridal shower invites - “destination” wedding

No one makes an official rsvp before 3-4 weeks out from the wedding. As the bride you don’t have any part in the shower plans beyond the guest list and it only consists of those invited to the wedding who are local to the shower location.


So if grandma is invited to the wedding and lives near the shower venue, she would be invited.
It’s not uncommon to have multiple showers, one in your hometown and one in the city where you live. Even one hosted by coworkers. If you want to celebrate with other ladies who are not invited, regardless of whether they are attending or not, you can host a bridal luncheon which is traditionally a thank you for bridesmaids when your thank you gifts to them are distributed. But you can adapt it for a non gift giving party since the shower (a gift giving event) is inappropriate for the random friends/family not on any guest list.
When in doubt of etiquette rules, always refer to Emily Post and Miss Manners (they have books and articles readily available),

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the response, the only people invited to the shower would be those invited to the wedding who are within an hour of the shower so no worriers there. My concern is who to invite as we will have our RSVPs by then, and if someone RSVP no to the wedding for reasons like those mentioned above, should they be invited to the shower as a way to be included and give from home. A decent number of family will not be able to attend the wedding and this would be an alternative way for them to contribute. We will not be having multiple showers or a luncheon or anything and there are no finances for that. Just one backyard shower back home.

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If they are part of your original guest list and they received wedding invitations, then go ahead and send invites. Most showers are held before rsvps come in so those are moot. Many often can’t attend the wedding for any number of reasons but they are still invited and that is the criteria of shower invites.

Just curious how you're going to fly all your gifts back home if you're flying into your shower. I'd recommend you call it a "luncheon" or "celebration" rather than a "shower" and throw the exact same party and remove the gift aspect, but you seem really focused on how your guests can "give from home" or "alternate way for them to contribute."

Anyone who is invited to the wedding--whether they are able to come or not--is fair game to invite to a shower. My bridal shower was also held in my hometown, and it worked out really well. There were a few guests who were not able to come to my wedding but really enjoyed being able to come to my shower. We only invited local people. I flew Southwest and checked an extra bag for free so it was very easy to transport the gifts.

View Quoted Comment We are having guests print pictures of gifts and put in envelopes to unwrap or use gift cards and the physical stuff will be mailed to the address after the shower. Almost like a virtual shower, but physically in person.

View Quoted Comment I really wouldn't ask guests to take pictures of gifts then mail the physical gift to your home. That is extra work for your guests.


It's one thing if a guest can send you a gift through Amazon. You're asking guests to buy you a physical gift from a store, take a picture of it, print it out (not everyone has a printer), then wait in line at the post office and pay extra for postage.

View Quoted Comment They won’t be physical mailing them, it will be like an Amazon thing. And I am also brining an extra suitcase for small things.

I would invite anyone who was invited to your wedding that you would want there regardless of if they could make it or not (aunts, cousins, friends, family friends, etc). Just because they RSVP no to your wedding doesn’t mean that they should be excluded from invites for pre-wedding events. I understand in the cases of sick relatives that they likely wouldn’t be able to make it anyway, but even just receiving that invite could make their day!

View Quoted Comment This. They were on the guest list, and may be invited to the shower.