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May 2019

Bridal shower invite bride’s name misspelled......disrespectful......?

Carol, on February 2, 2019 at 6:41 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 17

My niece is getting married and her mother-in-law and sister-in-law are giving her a bridal shower. The mother-in-law sent the bride a “one line text”..... stating the bride’s name was misspelled but they sent the invitations out anyway!!” I feel they should have had them reprinted. I think this displays disrespect and unwelcoming to the bride going into that family........ AM I WRONG. And I want to politely say something in the RSVP........ AM I WRONG...... please advise?

17 Comments

Latest activity by Emily, on February 4, 2019 at 2:29 PM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I think if she already discussed it with the bride and the bride didn’t say anything, it isn’t your place to step in and say something. I don’t think a human error is disrespectful, and there could be plenty of reasons why they chose not to get them reprinted (cost, timeline to get them out, the bride didn’t care, etc.).
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  • Mrs. Coakley
    Master June 2017
    Mrs. Coakley ·
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    It depends on how the bride feels about it. Personally, I would be really upset but if it doesn't bother her just let it go!

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I would have reprinted them, but I don't feel like the FMIL is purposely being disrespectful. If she didn't respect or care about the bride, she wouldn't be going out of her way to throw a bridal shower for her. I think you should ask the bride for guidance on how to handle it. I don't think saying something on the RSVP would be the end of the world, but she will be the one that has to deal with her FMIL if she feels like you're being rude, not you.

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  • V
    Super April 2019
    Valerie ·
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    So if my FMIL did this I would think this was disrespectful because she is awful to me already. If my mom or my aunt did this it would just be a funny joke to tell later. I really think this is one of those things that you need context and how the bride feels about her FMIL will color if she sees this as disrespectful or not. I'm also extremely practical so paying to order invitations a second time is a total waste of money to me and I would never ask anyone to do that. If you are that concerned about it, I would talk to the bride to get her opinion first.

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  • C
    Super July 2019
    Crystal ·
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    I don't think it's a big deal lol it's just a spelling error. I wouldn't have spent money to fix it either lol.
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  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
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    I get how it can be disrespectful. I would be annoyed. At the same time I would be upset if they had to spend time and money reprinting them.
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  • C
    May 2019
    Carol ·
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    Thank for you response.

    The bride’s family has .... plenty..... money.... and the shower is Mar 16, plenty of time to re-order.

    And I think a wedding is one of the most important parts of your life and knowing these are keepsakes........And these women are professional business women, I just feel more time should have been placed on reading over the information before you submit to print.

    But, I do appreciate your advice on me not getting into the “mix”.


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  • C
    May 2019
    Carol ·
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    Thank you for your response.

    So the couple has been together for 5 yrs.

    And the son is the youngest sibling. He has two older sisters that have gotten married and my niece was expected to go to their showers, after only Ben introduced to them.

    So this family has certainly had well over enough experience in planning events.

    My niece has dog sat for the in-laws..... and the mother saying things like....”I didn’t know what you liked to eat so I jus bought yogert”

    And they spelled my niece’s mother, my sister’s, name wrong on the envelope........?

    I just want to say.....”what is wrong with you people, don’t you care that this is a special time.

    Also, the groom’s father insisted they get married in a church, my niece was planning on an outside wedding and reception at the same place.

    Isn’t it truly.... The bride’s day?

    When my son Got married, we kept quiet and let the bride make the decisions.


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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    No, it's not the bride's day. It's the couple's day. The entire event is about two people coming together. The bride can celebrate herself on her birthday.

    Perhaps you don't know all of the details of their planning process. My aunt surely doesn't know every conversation that I've had with my FMIL about the wedding or who is paying for what. If the couple wanted to get married outside, they were well within their right to tell the groom's father that they weren't getting married in the church. Maybe he was paying for part of the wedding so they chose to compromise.

    I agree that the FMIL's behavior sounds ridiculous, but your niece is an adult and can handle her own relationship with her in laws. I think you're overstepping here.

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  • C
    May 2019
    Carol ·
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    Thank you for your response.

    And, Yes, I have calmed down now....

    I just felt bad for this young couple in love wanting to plan their day the way they want to, and having to be told where to have the ceremony.

    And, you do feel sad for the bride that this is her first bridal shower and she is all excited, only to be “brought down”, by someone not taking the time to proof read or when submitting to print not being doubly sure everything is spelled correctly.

    Thank you for your honesty.


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  • Maggie
    Super February 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I would be really upset if this happened to me. But I'd also be upset if any of my family members confronted the in laws about it because it would lead to drama and cause more tension in an already difficult relationship. I think it's nice that you care enough about her to be offended on her behalf, but getting involved will probably make things worse. You can support her in other ways by being a sympathetic ear if she needs to talk about a tough family dynamic.
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  • Lauren
    Devoted October 2019
    Lauren ·
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    Let this go. Seriously. Not your business to tell people when “they’re wrong.”
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    A shower invitation is an informal thing. So, a mistake was made. No big deal. Not worth trashing them and rushing around to do new ones. No one keeps shower invites, and so this typo is not something you should say or do anything about. A typo on an informal thing is not disrespectful. Disrespectful would be someone taking issue with MIL for being human and making a minor mistake, and mentioning it later in any way. Get over it.
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  • Sandy Yoga
    Dedicated January 2007
    Sandy Yoga ·
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    In my circle, baby showers are most common after the baby is born. My sister and SIL planned my shower. SIL made a typo and didn’t notice on the proof that DS’s birthday was wrong. I cannot remember if they sent out invitations already or not when she showed them to me. I pointed out the wrong date (the 6 was an 8 and in script font so she didn’t notice on the screen). They made it into a game at the shower. I didn’t care. It was a mistake and personally, I thought ordering printed invitations was a lot for the tiny, family only shower we had and would have told the they were ridiculous if they wanted to re-order them. Also, my son had severe colic and DH was about to be diagnosed with a very serious if left untreated disease (and was very sick at the time, we just didn’t know why), so I realized there are way more important things than a typo on an invitation. I say this as a professional who works with language and communication (since you mentioned they were professionals and should know better).
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    How was she brought down? It could be the proof was fine, and someone at the printer hit a wrong key. No one but the bride need say anything, just act like it did not matter, thus there is no insult. Saying something makes it important, embarrassing the shower hostesses and the bride. Act like you never noticed, as everyone should. I hope on your wedding day, ni one comes up and points out to you, in front of others, where the seamstress made an error and did something unevenly, or forgot a decorative bit on one side of the gown to match the other. Because though the seamstress made a mistake, the breach in social etiquette would be other people pointing it out instead of ignoring it, and saying, you look wonderful. You getting indignant on the bride's behalf, does nothing good.
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    OMG, that is insane! They should have checked prior to ordering the invites. That is so rude! On the RSVP I'd probably say something haha and just cross her name out and spell it correctly!

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  • E
    Super October 2017
    Emily ·
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    Not your circus, not your monkeys. I can get being upset for your niece but this is nowhere near your place to get involved. We don't have the context here as to her relationship with the family and without that we really don't know if it was disrespectful or an unintentional mistake. Whatever the background is, I can promise you getting involved is going to only increase the stress and pressure on your niece. Let this go.

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