Bridal Shower Hosting Question

Typically, every woman who will be invited to the wedding is invited to the shower. I have seen people have multiple showers with different sides of the family, I'm not sure if I've heard of just one shower where only one side of the family was invited. But since showers are optional, I don't think it's required to invite anyone in specific. Thus, while I don't think your moms have to invite people from your FH's family, it would have been a nice gesture.

I wouldn't think so. If your mom's are paying for the shower and going through the trouble of doing everything for it, then I think its up to them who they want to invite. Why should they go out of the way to invite all the people that FMIL wants to invite when she doesn't want to do any of the work that goes into shower?

I mean, I think it would've been nice if your moms reached out to her to discuss guests. I've always seen bridal showers as a joint event for women on both sides of the families to get together for the bride. My mother is hosting my shower but never thought to not invite women from my IL's side.

It sounds like your FMIL didn't know that was going to happen when she declined to co-host. It would've been nice if your moms had spoken to her or offered to invite women from her side.

YOU should have given your moms a list of who YOU wanted at the shower. That should have included at the very least, female family members from your FH's side of the family.

My side had 29 invited to the one my moms are doing. We also assumed FMIL would be hosting her own when she declined, but it turned out she expected my moms to host just one and also pay for FH's side to call come.

Maybe it's just my social circle, but I have always seen where each side hosts a shower. I didn't know it was "tradition" for the brides side to host one for everyone.

@FMS - who is on FMIL's guest list? Are they even people you know, or are close with?

This is tricky. My initial thought is no, you can't invite people if you aren't willing to chip in with the cost. But then I wonder if she's tight on money, and she can't afford it, then I have a bit of sympathy. But if you don't even know these people, then too bad. Anyway, it can get expensive. My MOH hosted my shower at a restaurant for 20-something people - I can't imagine the cost of that.

So your FMIL didn't want to host but she wanted her friends and family invited? Okay. I would have assumed the same thing, that she would host a separate event. Did she not communicate that she was expecting for her side to be invited?

I'd stay way far away from that in any case.

No Steph, that is not true. You do not invite every woman invited to the wedding to the shower. It's a more intimate party.

OP, to be honest, I think your mom and step mom were wrong. They should have still checked with her on people to invite from the groom's side even though she declined to host. The guests list is up to the hosts, but it would have been a courtesy. Or, at least YOU should have sent them a list of a few VIPs from the groom's side.

Every shower I've attended has had family from both the bride and groom's side. I know some families do separate showers, but that isn't required.

@GymRat - I'm talking to FMIL now about her hosting a shower and so far her guest list is her sisters who I met once a year ago and don't even remember their names off the top of my head and would never recognize if I ran into them, and her friends (I do know one of them, but I don't know who these other ones might be who most likley aren't on the guest list for the wedding), FFIL's sister who I met once at their mother's funeral last year. I had my moms invite FH's sister and nieces who I know very well to the one they are doing. I obviously can't speculate on her money situation, but by appearances I would have no idea if she were struggling.

@Jacks - My mom said FMIL never reached out again after declining to co-host so she assumed FMIL was doing her own.

Who was on your FMIL's ideal guest list? If it was her friends then I wouldn't feel bad, but if it was FH's female family members then I'd feel bad

You do not have to invite every single female on the wedding guest list to your shower! It should be your "nearest and dearest", and more than 20-30 guests at a shower gets very overwhelming!

I wouldn't think it's an obligation to ask her for a guest list. She declined to host, so she no longer has a say in the list as far as I'm concerned. It would have been a courtesy, but when my aunt threw a shower I invited FMIL but didn't think to invite anyone else on his side (FMIL's sister did throw a shower for her side as well though).

Okay then, sorry FMIL: go host your own shower. Honestly, this would be incredibly awkward for me to be showered with gifts from people who I'm not close to. So damn weird.

Thanks for everyone's feedback!

If she turned down the opportunity to help host it, then I don't think that she should have "her guest list". If some of the people on her list are close with you and you want them invited, that's one thing.