Bridal Shower guests

Yeah I'd check her guest list against your wedding guest list - only guests invited the wedding should be invited to pre-wedding events!

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/showers-and-parties/bridal-shower-etiquette

Sorry to hijack the thread OP, but I also have a question. If my FMIL is throwing a shower, how much control do I have over the guest list? Could I tell my FMIL that we can't invite people to the shower not invited to the wedding, or do I have to watch while she makes a huge etiquette faux pas?

Would love to know the relationship of these extra people. If they are invited to the wedding, could it be family she wants you to get to know before the wedding?

I was recently invited to a shower and bachelorette party when I wasn't invited to the actual wedding. I side eyed the fuck out of them and obviously didn't attend..

Moral of the story, if they aren't invited to the wedding, don't invite them to the shower or bachelorette party.

@Paige i'd have a chat with your FMIL. Let her know you don't want her or you to commit any faux pas, and tell her it may need cut down.

OP, definitely make sure you're not inviting anyone to the shower that's not invited to the wedding. As far as people you don't know, I don't know a lot of FH's family because they rarely get together. But they are invited to the wedding, so they came to the shower. It was nice to meet them!

I agree, anyone invited to the shower should be invited to the wedding

Everyone invited to the shower needs to be invited to the wedding.

The only exceptions to this rule are

1) Church members. If a church member wants to throw a small after church shower or something like that, you do not need to invite the entire church to the wedding.

2) Work showers. If a coworker decides to throw you a small shower AT WORK for work people, they do not all need to be invited to the wedding. If you invite a select number of coworkers to a shower including family and friends, then they need to be invited to the wedding.

Neither situation sounds like the one you are in, so please speak up!

I don't think you're wrong to think that's weird, because I would also find that situation odd. As everyone else has said, check your FMIL's list against your wedding guest list. Just let her know you want to make sure that everything matches up.

Have you had any conversations with her about her asking to invite people? Maybe start there.

All the people she's inviting are people on our wedding guest list who knows FH but have never met me nor have I ever heard of them. I just felt like it's weird because FH won't even be there so why would his family friends want to shower me?? Lol

It's not uncommon to see the groom's side throw a shower for the bride and in that case, I wouldn't expect the bride to know many people. My mom just threw a baby shower for my cousin's girlfriend, and I am sure she didn't know many people there because they're extended family. I guess it's a little awkward if you don't know most of them but atleast you will have your own friends there as well!

In theory, everyone invited to the wedding could be invited to the shower, but I agree it's a little awkward.

Time to have a conversation.

And no, in no case do people get invited to the shower and not the wedding.

True Laura! I will have my family and close friends there. I am very appreciative Im just kind of socially awkward with people I don't know ha. Especially if they're there for me

Thanks Bemyguest and OHP, I will talk to her and mention not wanting any extra guest

I come from a big Italian family and there will be 100 people at my shower. And that's only close family, with maybe 5 friends. Only about 20 of them are on his side. The other way around: His family is hosting the rehearsal dinner and the majority will be my family. 31 mine and 17 his. We talked about it with his dad and offered to help pay since it's mostly us...but he was cool and said he'd take care of it. I'm lucky that we all have that relationship where we can comfortably talk about things like that. Maybe ask your fiancé to help discuss it if your uncomfortable?

I was in this same situation. The difference was that my FMIL threw us a couples shower so it wasn't completely awkward. I only knew 5-10 people out of 30. All of them were invited to the wedding but I had never met them before.

In some circles this is common. A lot of times the MOG is just really happy to have a chance to show off what a catch her son has found! And it's an opportunity for her side of the family/circle of friends to meet you. As long as they're already on the wedding guest list, then FMIL can invite them to the wedding.

If they're on your wedding guest list, then it makes sense she would invite them. I think in many cases, showers are a chance to meet/get to know your future spouse's family that you may not have met before or know very well.

So long as all the shower guests are on the wedding guest list, there's no real issue here. Sounds like she wanted to know who you wanted to have at the shower and then decided to add some of the wedding guests from her side (family and friends of FH's family) that's she'd like to have there. Showers can range in size. Sometimes they can be pretty big (every woman on the wedding guest list gets invited) and sometimes they are a smaller subsection of the wedding guest list. Sounds like your FMIL just wanted to include some of her people in close circle of friends and family you picked out. I don't think this is weird. It would only be weird (and a breach of etiquette) if she added people to the shower guest list who weren't on the wedding guest list.

Although I can understand not inviting people to the shower if they are not invited to the wedding, I have been that guest and I have no hard feelings. She was having a DW (like i am now), and her shower was at our church. Everyone from church was invited and many of us did even though we were not invited to her wedding. I think a lot of it depends on the situation and your relationship with those people. She is a BM in my wedding in April. Her wedding was in 2012.

Obviously the bridal shower is suppose to be about the bride. It's great that they are throwing you a shower but last I checked the shower is suppose to consist of close friends and relatives. If you are not comfortable talk to her. Better now than to feel awkward at your own bridal shower.