Bridal Shower guest list

Are these 2nd/3rd cousins invited to the wedding?

It should only be people who are invited to the wedding. We don't have bridal showers in South Africa, we have kitchen tea's (which I think is kind of the same thing, except main purpose is to get together, not to give gifts). Anyway, the etiquette for Kitchen Tea's is that you can get away with just inviting the bride's friends & family. It's kind of like a calm bachelorette party.

Give them the okay to move it, and then disengage. You are getting far too involved with the planning of something you're not supposed to be involved with.

Tell the planners that you don't need a venue -- it's okay to have it a private home, and then, back out.

ETA: It goes without saying that each and every individual who is invited to shower you with gifts -- second or third cousins included -- will receive a formal wedding invitation.

Yes the second/third cousins are invited to the wedding, but I thought a bridal shower was supposed to be more intimate and that every female wedding guest is not usually invited. I've never met these people and my FH hasn't seen them in years.

I'm involved with the guest list because my sister asked me to be as she was unsure of who I would want to invite. I told her I'd like to keep it small and that's why she picked the venue she did.

Doing it at a private home is not really an option. My sister lives with my parents and my mom would never in a million years want to host it at her house, nor does she really have the space.

My sister loves the venue, my mother loves it and I like it, plus my sister has already started buying favors and decorations to match the "theme" of the place. It's also affordable for my sister so I don't see why the venue should change when the other places my sister looked at were much more money and I really don't want her spending that much because she's done so much for us already.

His mother is including several friends of hers, when my own mother is only inviting 2 personal friends. And my FH wants to invite a female friend of his that I don't really have a relationship with. I could cut a friend of mine from my list to make room for his friend but I'd really rather not as I'm only having about 8 friends to begin with. Is it wrong to ask his mom to drop a couple of her friends and distant cousins so I could have the people I want at my shower?

Are you only having one shower? If your fiancé has more family members than expected to invite maybe they can host a separate shower for you? My fiance's aunts are having a separate shower for me with just their side plus my mom and sister. But, as someone mentioned above you really don't need to put in the middle of this. If this is the venue you want then your future MIL needs to accepts your wishes and figure out which family members will ACTUALLY come. That could make a difference if she knows that some members won't attend but could still send a gift

Your wedding alone will be a "reunion" so to speak to see extended family members/meet them for the first time and they will be able to bring gifts to the reception.

Another question. Are you having games at your shower? If you are think about how awkward some of the guests may feel if they don't know you personally and don't know what to write? (If you're doing a "how well do you know the Bride", etc)

In my family, (large Italian Catholics), all females that are invited to the wedding who live in the surrounding area, within three hours, are invited to the bridal shower. We even invite a few who are further away out of courtesy, knowing they wont come. We also only hold one shower, so females from both bride and groom's family are invited. 83 people were invited to mine, just over 50 came. I personally liked that my FH's family that I had never met came, it gave me a change to meet them prior to the actual wedding!

You kind of already opened up the gates by asking your FMIL who from her family should be invited. If you wanted it to be intimate and just people you knew you shouldn't have asked her for a list, and only invited her. Have your sister look for a new location, if she doesn't want to, let her deal with the list issues and stay out of it. She's the one throwing the party.

Yes I was only planning on having one. Initially I didn't even want a shower but my mom and sister really want to throw me one and have been excitedly planning it, so I agreed but my one request was that it be small and low key because I don't like a lot of attention and am pretty reserved.

I didn't want to be involved with the planning but unfortunately I got pulled into it. I'm stressed enough planning the wedding so I didn't want to have anything to do with the shower other than handing over a short list of friends I'd like to invite.

My sister asked FH's mom for a list because she wanted to be considerate and his family is the type who would be highly insulted and make a big fuss if they weren't consulted. I know about 12 female members of his extended family and a couple close family friends and assumed that's who his mother would put on the list, so I was expecting about 15 which would have been perfect. But instead she came up with a 25 person list with 10 people I've never met and or heard of in the 5 years FH and I have been together. I am assuming a handful of them won't show because they don't know me and won't even recognize my name on the invitation, and I personally wouldn't attend a shower for a stranger, but worst case scenario, they all rsvp yes and we end up over capacity.

I was just surprised that after I respectfully asked them to cut the list down by 5 guests that his mom said she can't.

My sister did say she'll handle it which I appreciate but I'm afraid she'll let his family push her around and the shower will end up being this big event (which I don't want) at some pricey venue when the thing my sister was most excited about was the cute little place she picked.

Ah I see. I was going to ask the capacity is strict. Like is it a sit down at a restaurant, or is it a hall that is just somewhat smaller? Well, since none of the family members know about the shower yet maybe your sister can explain to you FMIL, or maybe ask her if she really expects everyone to make it? Most of the people I thought wouldn't be able to make it, didn't, and then some who I thought would have definitely been there couldn't go.

That's tough. But don't feel alone. This stuff happens all the time and looking back you will see that it really wasn't that big of a worry, but this is all about you and your fiancé. Maybe have your fiancé reason with his mom about the list? From how her guest list sounds, it seems like a separate shower should be held from his family. Even if it's your MIL herself that hosts it. Options are there and things may turn out better than you originally had planned!

My list is at 55 and that's only my friends, family and fh family. The family is all first level and no kids and only those in state. Sometimes families are just really large and it gets tough so you either have a larger shower or two for the different sides. I wouldn't stress tho if you're only 5 over

If your mom and sister are planning this and they are hosting, they should negotiate guest list with FMIL. If FMIL wants to invite everyone last cousin, she can host her own shower. The venue is already booked and it has a max capacity. Nothing you can do.

I would ask again, maybe mention that some of these people may be close to them but not to you, but after that I would say have everyone else talk about either a new venue or separate showers. I understand helping make the guest list, your friends don't necessarily know every single person you're close to, but beyond that leave the planning to them to either cut people you aren't close to or replan

Adding to my original question because I've gotten some conflicting answers from friends. Should my sister invite every female guest that will be attending the wedding? I thought a shower was supposed to be a bit more intimate but one of my friends and FH's family seem to think all the women on the guest list should be invited.

My sister reached out to my FH and his mother again today and tried to explain that she was keeping it small at my request and again asked for a trimmed list from their side, but his mother said that she absolutely can't cut anyone else and FH told my sister to change the venue. His family seems very concerned with how many guests my side will have and if the sides are going to be even. My family actually has less guests as of now if we don't include my friends in my family's tally but I thought it was to be expected that a bridal shower slants slightly in favor of the bride so it would be acceptable if there's 3 or 4 more guests from my family than his.

I know I'm not supposed to be involved but my sister and FH have both been sharing these things with me and I'm honestly getting upset that it's causing this much drama. My mother has cut the distant cousins on our side and a couple of her personal friends but his mother is unwilling to do the same. Should I just tell my sister to let go of the venue my sister and I both love and have her pick somewhere larger to accommodate everyone?