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Just Said Yes November 2017

Bridal shower gone wrong!!

Hailei, on September 24, 2017 at 6:07 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7
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So far three people are throwing me bridal showers, because i have so much family that live so far away from each other. I dont want anything big, especially with peoplw i dont even know, but my mil is insisting she invite alllllll of my fiances extended family, many of whom i have never met and are not even invited to our wedding. We simply cant afford to invite everyone. She asked me who i want there, and if i wanted a big party because she knows i have anxiety. I told her no, and told her i only wanted close family there. I dont want to come off as rude, how do i tell her i dont want these people there??

7 Comments

Latest activity by Mj, on September 24, 2017 at 7:41 PM
  • Mcellist
    Super March 2019
    Mcellist ·
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    Hey there. If she is hosting the shower for you, I don't think you can say who you do and do not want there. Just think positively & be grateful that someone is thinking of you & your day. It will probably be better than what you expect it to be.

    Does your mil know that you aren't planning on inviting all of these individuals to the wedding?

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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I would decline the shower. It may be your FMIL's way of getting the family onto the guest list. Either that or refuse entirely to have anyone there that is not invited to the wedding. That may come across badly though.

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  • J. Clo
    Master May 2018
    J. Clo ·
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    Tell her that you would feel uncomfortable inviting individuals to the shower that are not invited to the wedding. It sets an unfair expectation for them that they will be invited to the wedding.

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  • Dolores Umbridge
    VIP June 2017
    Dolores Umbridge ·
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    No no no

    People that are not invited to the wedding cannot be invited to the shower. That's rude to them. Tell her either only those invited to the wedding, close family only, or no to the shower all together

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  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
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    Show your FMIL a reference from a noted authority.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/27/fashion/weddings/questions-on-wedding-etiquette.html?mcubz=1

    Tell her that you are not comfortable asking these women to come to a shower when they will not be invited to the wedding. Ask her to choose between keeping the guest list smaller or hosting a luncheon or tea (non gift giving events) so that you can meet more of his family.

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  • Amanda
    Savvy September 2017
    Amanda ·
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    I agree with FromAtoB. Extended family aren't typically invited to your shower. I would tell them that you really appreciate the gesture, but that you'd like to keep it more intimate. I have anxiety as well and I know what you mean about big crowds. They should be able to respect your wishes.

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  • Mj
    Devoted June 2019
    Mj ·
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    I echo whats been said. Only people invited to the wedding can come to the shower. I would gently tell her that (even though I'm surprised she doesn't already). Her heart is in the right place but that's to much

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