Bridal Shower / Gift Dilemma

People are going to do what they can afford and feel comfortable doing. You should have a bridal shower if somebody's willing to throw it for you. People know enough to not spend outside of their means.

You have a bit of time before your wedding so you can give this more thought. If your sole reason for not having it is due to the gifts like SoonToBe Mrs. Green people should spend within their means.

I didn't have a shower because I think they are boring and awkward. The whole point is to collect gifts and I think that's kind of rude. Then again, we had a fairly high percentage of people not give us wedding gifts at all, so I guess the lack of shower was irrelevant.

@Melissa well, our wedding was 3 weeks ago and we had around 15(ish) people (6 couples and two individuals) not give anything. I guess people have a year to give a gift, but as far as I know, that never happens. All but one couple were my husband's friends and he didn't seem surprised but he's not up on wedding etiquette, etc. I am kind of shocked and might start a separate thread to ask about if others have experienced this.

I agree that you should have one, aside from the gifts, it's a really great chance to spend time with friends and family that you may not regularly see. Just include items on your registry at different price points, and the girls that attend will gift what they can afford.

OP it's fine to decline a shower if someone offers to throw you one. You don't have to accept. However, I would not let your hang up about two gifts stop you from having one. A). People can decline a shower invite if they don't feel they can afford a gift. B). Many people will split their budget between the shower and wedding. So, if their overall budget is $150, they may spend $50 on the shower gift and give $100 for wedding. C). A shower gift does have to be expensive. They may get you a $50 hand mixer from your registry, but find it on sale for $30. Sales happen often.

It is not appropriate to state "not accepting gifts or cards at this time". The entire point of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts. Many people WANT to gift you. That statement is just confusing and rude for a shower.

I definitely got gifts at my shower that were less than $10 from my registry. Your guests should know what their means are for such things and gift appropriately. That's why I had items that were starting at $2 on my registry so there were options. I usually decide on a total dollar amount that I want to spend and spread that out over any showers that I might be invited to and the wedding. I was invited to 3 showers and the wedding of a friend of mine while unemployed. I bought 3 tiny gifts for each of the showers and a relatively small gift for the wedding.

Back in my college days I was beyond super poor and got invited to a bridal shower. I had planned on skipping it as I could not afford a gift and didn't feel comfortable going to a shower without one. The bride was aware of how poor I was and directly told me to come, without a gift, because it was more important that her friends be there than being a gift. To this day I am incredibly grateful for this gesture.

If you feel strongly about having these women there just have an honest conversation with them. Tell them you'd rather have them than the gift and would like them at your shower.

Your hosts will plan and throw the shower for you. Your younger family members who feel that they cannot afford to attend will decline. If they do come, it is acceptable for them to bring a gift that is comfortably within their budget. They will be guests, under no obligation to "pay their share".

Same goes for wedding gifts. You should invite people because you want them to share the day with you. Expect nothing from them. They will give what they can and what they choose to.

@soontobeRtR....I think we would all be curious to know more about this large number of guests who gave you nothing. How did that happen?? Was it a dry wedding ?

Why don't you just include a few inexpensive items on your registry, that way it will be more affordable for the guests you are concerned about? I don't think this is a good reason to decline a shower.

@CuteNickname No, we had an open bar, plated dinner, wedding cake, DJ, all the normal wedding stuff... It is DH's second marriage, so he thinks that could be part of it, but he doesn't remember who came to the first one, etc. It's not a big deal, but I just posted this on WW because I think there's this huge expectation on this forum that people give $100 per person, and I wanted to serve as a reality check for people. (I commented on another thread too). I can't say I wasn't a little taken aback at first when I realized that a few of his friends came empty handed, but I am very happy with how the wedding went, and I'm happy that I don't have as many thank-you notes to write. Also, with the crazy amount of packaging that is used with online shopping, I am feeling guilty about destroying the environment with cardboard and packing peanuts in the gifts that we got!

I always give a gift at the shower and the wedding. If you don't want gifts at a shower then don't have a shower. You can't have a shower without gifts.

But I kind of think if someone is offering to throw you a shower you should let them. People will give what they want/are able. Some may not come to the shower if they can't afford two gifts.

I've never heard anyone say you only give one gift . It's two separate events .. I would never attend a party without a gift ! Hell I don't even go to someone's house for dinner without something !

I think it might be regional. Growing up on the east coast I was under the impression that of course you gave a shower gift and a wedding gift if you were invited to both. But when I moved to AZ, I had a roommate from TX that was convinced the shower gift was the wedding gift.

I don't want to generalize about the southwest here, though. This might just have been one person's way of going about shower and wedding presents.

I'd agree that saying you're not accepting gifts would be inappropriate for a shower because the point of a shower is to shower you with gifts. If someone offers to throw you a shower, you can decline if you really don't want one. However, you can absolutely trust your guests to think about the total amount they want to spend on you and FH in gifts and then not spend more than that budget on your shower gift and wedding present combined. And between spatulas and egg separators, people can find little knickknacks on your registry that won't break the bank.

I've seen some themes and ideas on pinterest that are good for parties where maybe you want to take the focus off of gifts? One was a recipe shower, where everyone gives you a favorite recipe for your own recipe book, or one that's more about giving little gifts of advice, etc. You could use the theme of the shower to change the gift expectation if you're concerned that guests are going to feel pressured to give gifts. I'm kind of in the same situation and looking to do something like that to take the pressure off. If not, like others have said, people won't buy what they can't afford. I went to a bridal shower a few months ago and couldn't afford anything on her registry except for a cookie sheet, so that was all I bought.

I think it's really sweet of you to be thinking about your guest like this, but you don't have to forgo a shower! Plenty of people will split their "gift budget" between your shower and wedding gift! You can also register for a lot of inexpensive items to help those guests out, or they can choose to go in on a group gift where they can still get you something awesome but at a lower per person cost. I've gone the group gift route frequently when I've also helped host/pay for the shower!