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Just Said Yes August 2016

Bridal Shower for Destination Wedding?

Priya, on September 22, 2015 at 4:43 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

We are having a destination wedding that is immediate family only and then a reception with all family and friends at home when we return. Is it rude to have a bridal shower before the actual wedding that involves people who are only invited to the reception? I don't want it to look like I'm only out for gifts, but I do want to enjoy some of the fun bridal things too. Thoughts?

11 Comments

Latest activity by PBiazinha, on March 8, 2017 at 4:51 PM
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    Master October 2013
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    Only those invited to the wedding are invited to the shower.

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  • Elizabeth
    Master December 2016
    Elizabeth ·
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    Yeah, I do think it's rude to have a bridal shower with guests not invited to the wedding. Also, a reception is something you have after your wedding for the guests who took the time/money to attend. A party at home afterwards for everyone is a party, not really a wedding reception. That's an important distinction, in my opinion.

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  • Christine
    Master October 2015
    Christine ·
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    Like ChristineKyle, I'm having a DW also and therefore I didn't have a shower. it does suck not being able to participate in all of the traditional bridal things, I get it and it's not about the gifts. It's a downside to having this type of wedding. However, I wouldn't invite some the reception only guests, you may just have to forgo it.

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  • Celia Milton
    Celia Milton ·
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    No shower unless the people at work decide to throw you one; they'd not be expected to be invited to the wedding anyway.

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  • Rachel DellaPorte
    Rachel DellaPorte ·
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    DWs are exciting, exotic, and are mini-vacations. However, there are drawbacks. The shower issue is one of them.

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  • OMW
    Master August 2013
    OMW ·
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    Centerpiece said it best.

    It is ill-advised and rude to invite people to a shower if they're not invited to the wedding.

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  • P
    Just Said Yes August 2016
    Priya ·
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    Thank you everyone!

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  • J
    Just Said Yes November 2015
    Jennifer ·
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    Hold on!

    I am also a destination bride having a reception back home so I have a contradictory opinion to the people who have responded due to extensive research on destination wedding etiquette. Here's my summary but please feel free to do your research because martha stewart, brides.com, and many other wedding websites have specific "destination wedding etiquette" information that is extremely helpful and very clear. If they don't think it's right, they tell you. Happy planning!

    #1 - It's IS ALWAYS OKAY for you to have a bridal shower.

    #2 - The real question is who is invited?

    Why would you think you couldn't have a bridal shower? Typically the maid of honor or mother of bride throws them (not the bride) and my mom was adimant to have one which actually happened this past weekned. There is no reason you cannot have one.

    Okay so who is invited?

    A) Only the people who are invited to the wedding and/or reception should be invited. If they weren't good enough to make the cut they should not be invited to your bridal shower which is "showering" the bride with gifts.

    B) If you were only having a destination wedding but no at home reception, only those invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower.

    C) A shower is intended for the close and personal family/friends of the bride and who is important for the groom so it doesn't have to be huge. (Google wedding shower etiquette regarding who to invite.)

    I would agrue with the person who said the reception is "just a party". Every reception is a party and that's why people like going! It's not like a reception is free... I'm not saying you should ever just expect gifts but people love and care about you and will most likely want to buy you something. If you are making the amazing effort to include everyone in a celebration of your marriage by throwing this reception with food, drinks, entertainment, etc then you can certainly include them. Don't discount the wedding reception you are having at home.

    On a sidenote about registries... we weren't going to register because we have most of what we need living together already and it felt kind of weird (similar to having a bridal shower) but we still decided to register for things around the house, extra pans, fun stuff on amazon, etc because we found people wanted a registry. People are happy for you and want to share in the celebration!!

    *Please do more research on destination wedding etiquette because it helped me a ton trying to navigate this process, include people, and not feel weird about the non-traditional celebrations.

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  • J
    Just Said Yes November 2015
    Jennifer ·
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    Here is a really good link...

    http://destinationweddingdetails.com/destination-wedding-etiquette.html

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  • P
    Just Said Yes August 2016
    Priya ·
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    Thank you, Jennifer! That link is incredibly helpful!

    I knew my mother and sister were going to have a fit if I didn't let them throw some sort of shower, so this makes me feel so much better!

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  • PBiazinha
    VIP May 2018
    PBiazinha ·
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    My FSIL wants to throe me a shower too and my FFIL is upset about us not wanting to have a "celebration at home" after DW. it's somewhat frustrating. I don't care for showers but now I have to make sure she won't want to "surprise" me with it with people I am not inviting for the wedding.

    I don't like any pre-wedding events. I hate being in weddings (sorry I just do!) and I don't like Engagement parties and bridal showers and even less bachelorette parties. I think is is great that people love to celebrate but I honestly can do without.

    Good luck with your decision. Double check the guest list, this can end up adding people to your overall guest list, or putting you in an awkward situation.

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