Bridal Shower Etiquette

Normally it’s not a good idea BUT her grandma is from the generation that would do things like this in a way. Invite their church knitting circle, that sort of thing.


Her grandma has probably been talking about her to her friends since she was born and they are enjoying it all vicariously.
It was a little different back then - older family friends would be invited to things even if the couple didn’t know them well - the parents were the hosts and weddings were a big social occasion and a way to launch the couple. Her grandma is likely seeing it through that lens and the coffee friends don’t expect anything more than a hand written thank you card. Which will raise your grandmother’s esteem in their eyes because you were “raised right, not like these hooligans today!” Lol

“Grandma, while I am very grateful that you’re throwing me a shower, I’m not comfortable with inviting guests who aren’t on the list for the wedding. Here’s the list of those invited from your side of the family - I would appreciate invitations being kept to only those on this list.” Really the only exceptions to this would be a church or work shower. If grandma really kicked off about it I’d probably let her invite her coffee friend to keep the peace - it’s her etiquette breach not the bride’s.

I am literally going through this.. my mom is excited i get it but she invited and wanted invite like 8 of her friends. Some might come to the shower but also 1 or 2 will come to the actual wedding. (Different state than where we live now) My husband and i have been fighting about this since the beginning.. I had to cave in and invite 4 to the shower. Odds are they wont come, makes it better for us. My mom doesnt take no for an answer.
Dont be like me, i get it you get more gifts and stuff but its just like a pitty invite in a way.

Graciously accept it

Just one or two, accept it and be sweet. She wants a buddy to share and talk about things with, likely for weeks. Make sure grandmother knows she is not invited. In some cultures and kind of widespread a couple of generations ago everyone on a social group would give gifts to the daughters or granddaughters of everyone else, with no expectation of a gift. In places far from stores, or mail for mailorder, the women of my family andany other agricultural families helped fill a hope chest, a trunk or bureau like piece of furniture. And the final shower would be when hand hemmed and embroidered sheets, tablecloths, hand crocheted or knitted blankets or quilts would be added. Every one of granny or mom or aunts friends who contributed to their daughters, received it when their daughters or granddaughters came.
A yoinget mom, I would check it put firther, maybe okay, maybe not. But Granny, sure. My mom's hope chest was filled over 2 years before she met my Dad. So they made a big bureau which today is the buffet in their dining room, and the smaller Hope chest is tablecloths. Anyone who has ever lived where there are quilting bees and homegoods embroidery stores knows. Once showers were mostly store bought goods, early 1950's, the hope chests continued around 25 years in N Nee England. So my grandmothers tell me.

Sorry about the typos. time to get a new phone, due to keyboard short circuits.

Thank you everyone for your advice! I showed my friend this thread and she's going to just make sure that it doesn't get out of hand.

It's so interesting how it is seen differently depending on the generation.