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Dedicated January 2020

Bridal shower drama

Amina, on October 28, 2019 at 6:38 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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Had a great bridal shower brunch yesterday that my sister and mom planned! My family came and surprisingly some of my FH’s family came. It was out of town and they drove down. After not mentioning it to me or bothering to try to coordinate driving down together they just assumed I would already be there the night before without asking and decided to all drive together. FH’s sister ends up riding with me only after needed to stay at my place for the weekend with her bf because he’s not allowed at her parents any more, how convenient. So it comes time to open gifts and FH’s sister, his brothers gf, and cousins gf who are all BM’s btw all disappear the entire 20-30 min of gift opening and miraculously show up again when it’s over like nothing happened. I’m not sure where they went and why the left. They tend to do this a lot. The brothers gf and cousins gf couldn’t even manage a card with a nice note btw, not that it’s required to get anything but a $2-$4 card would have been nice as I like to keep cards and display them. But I can’t be too mad because they’ve been really distant and causing a lot of drama already. It comes time to leave to drive the almost 3 hour drive home and FH’s sister doesn’t want to ride with me anymore because she and FMIL want to get back to see FFIL who’s in the hospital. I tell the cousins gf that it would make the most sense that she ride back with me then since she only lives 10 min from me and I can drop her off and she makes up an excuse that she’ll just sleep the entire time anyway so it would be pointless. So we all walk to the car together with another BM, an actual friend and we wait to see if anyone bothers to offer to ride with me and they all just automatically get in the other car and leave me by myself. I’m obviously upset at this point and get in the car and drive off when FSIL and cousins gf try to call me and cousins gf says, “ oh I was going to ride with you”... I’m sure if that was true you would have said something before getting in the other car and not waiting until we both drive off. I wait another hour before driving back alone as I had a few mimosas and want to sober up a bit, thankfully FH stays on the phone the entire ride back. I text FSIL and the cousins gf about how I felt from their actions and only got a response from FSIL. let’s see if I ever get a response from the cousins gf. At this point with all the drama they cause and obviously not caring much about me as a person or having a friendship I don’t see it worth the possible drama the day of the wedding to keep them as BM’s even if they’re kinda like family. They obviously don’t see me that way. I’m referring to brothers gf and cousins gf. Can’t really nix the sister

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Jennifer, on October 29, 2019 at 2:46 PM

Devoted July 2020
Brandi · on October 28, 2019 at 7:38 AM
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First, glad you enjoyed. Second, weddings are costly. I wouldn’t get discouraged by the cards because people also wait for the wedding to do so. It’s a lot to be IN a wedding, BUY a gift for a shower, TRAVEL AND then be expected to do something as a gift for a wedding too. Next, gifts are boring for everyone. I hate having to sit and watch people open gifts. It’s not jealousy. It’s boredom. Also, to leave for 25-30 minutes sounds like a smoke break to be honest. I’ve stepped out on plenty of occasions because there’s nothing entertaining about someone opening gifts. Third, I would’ve expressed, “hey, I’m a little tipsy. Do you mind riding with me?” That probably would’ve gone way better than “hey, I’ll drop you off on my way.” This isn’t your first post about your BMs. It comes off that you expect way more and that there really isn’t an agreement or understanding of the relationship on BOTH sides. If YOU want the relationship with them, I would really try and see what you can do to to make it a little easier or healthier. But the reality is, you can’t force people to like you. And somewhere along the line, all of you struggle in knowing and understanding the other.
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on October 28, 2019 at 9:22 AM
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I think you've voiced similar concerns about these women before and have repeatedly asked if you should "fire them," but it seems each time you've decided against that. At this point, for your own sanity, I think it would be to your benefit if you just stop expecting them to be different than they are. You've chosen to have them in your wedding knowing exactly who they are and how they behave. If you stop expecting something different from them, maybe you'll stop being disappointed in how they act. You can let their behavior upset you or you can ignore it; doesn't sound like it matters to them either way, so you're pretty much "punishing" yourself. Be Elsa and let it go.....
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Dedicated January 2020
Amina · on October 28, 2019 at 9:25 AM
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They actually weren’t this way before. This has been of recent, I would say since maybe August. We were all pretty good friends and then out of no where it seems like they just started excluding me and not really talking to me anymore even when I did reach out. I think it’s more disappointment and confusion as to what happened with out friendship out of nowhere and I can’t seem to recall anything that would have caused it
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on October 28, 2019 at 9:26 AM
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Wise advice! I second this (and the Disney Elsa “let it go” made ma laugh... but it’s so true).
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VIP November 2019
Catherine · on October 28, 2019 at 9:44 AM
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Sorry you're going through this! but i'm happy you enjoyed your shower!! perhaps they are feeling guilty? about money or something similar. I would definitely try and talk to them about it. Be open and honest with them. Tell them how it is making you feel - perhaps they will change. and if for some reason things go wrong then you'll have your decision on to kick them out or not. Best of luck!
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Dedicated January 2020
Amina · on October 28, 2019 at 11:03 AM
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So I reached out to the cousins gf who I’m closer to and turns out the brothers gf doesn’t really care for me which is something that I’ve been picking up on slowly but surely these last few months. If she doesn’t really care for me idk why she would agree to be a BM in the first place? You’re not obligated just because the guys are brothers. And I would much rather only have people standing up supporting me if they actually care about me not because they feel they have to. I’m not desperate for friends so she doesn’t have to be one if she doesn’t want to. We can still be cordial without feeling like we’re obligated to be friends
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VIP November 2016
Tara · on October 28, 2019 at 1:34 PM
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Well that's unfortunate and I'm sorry to hear you went through allt hat. I say if they're causing drama for you now it's not worth having them in the wedding. Your FH's brother's girlfriend may have felt obligated to agree to be a bridesmaid. But if she doesn't care for you, her loss not yours.
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on October 29, 2019 at 2:46 PM
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In that case, since brother's GF is already a BM, I would just keep her at a distance. Don't put in the effort if she isn't reciprocating! Put her at the end of line for the ceremony and pictures. Spend time and effort on those who put in effort themselves.
If you kick her out of the bridal party, it will cause a huge headache for you and cause hurt feelings in your new in law's family. Just be cordial to her when you see her, but don't go out your way to interact with her. Soon people will see you are the bigger person! Maybe they'll break up and you never have to see her again anyway (kidding!! sort of lol....)
I'm so glad you enjoyed your shower! Good luck!
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