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Bridal Shower Costs

Katie, on December 22, 2018 at 4:00 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

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Hello,

i’m seeking advice on how to handle this situation appropriately. I am a bridesmaid for my friend’s wedding. She has two maids of honor and then a couple other bridesmaids. I received an invitation to the bridal shower and was pleased to attend. The night before, I receive an email from one of the maids of honor asking was how of us to send $200 to cover the costs of the bridal shower. I had not been informed we’d be responsible for the costs and I hadn’t been involved in any of the planning. This is not in my budget but I don’t want to hurt my friend by making a big deal of it. How can I handle this best? I was most disappointed as I have a lovely home we could’ve hosted it in for not cost but had not been involved in the planning. I thought it was being hosted by the maid of honor. What do I do?

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Latest activity by Eamsee, on December 23, 2018 at 12:28 AM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on December 22, 2018 at 4:03 PM
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I would respond to the email and say "I apologize, I wasn't included in planning this event or asked about my budget. Unfortunately, I am not able to contribute."
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Dedicated July 2020
Taylor · on December 22, 2018 at 4:10 PM
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I agree with this! Also, I was a bridesmaid in my friends wedding this past June and the MOH asked for money to cover the bridal shower ($75 so reasonable but so random and out of the blue) I asked her what it was covering the cost of and she couldn't give me a straight answer. Came to find out she was pocketing the money! Totally not saying that's the same situation lol....but if anything I would offer any assistance (setting things up/cleaning) or maybe purchasing other last minute items needed (decor, gifts, mimosa bar??? Lol) otherwise I completely agree with PP and sorry I went on a long rant haha
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Champion December 2017
earias · on December 22, 2018 at 4:17 PM
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I agree with this. The people planning and hosting are responsible for paying. If they needed your contribution they should have asked your budget ahead of time and asked if you wanted to help plan. As it is, just let them know you weren't consulted, don't have the money since it is unexpected, but you are happy to help set up or clean up if needed.
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Rockstar July 2018
Mcskipper · on December 22, 2018 at 4:34 PM
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1000% this. You don’t owe anything. If they wanted contributions, they could have involved everyone in the planning process complete with budgets. You could’ve had an input and kept things reasonable, and together planned a party everyone could afford. By not consulting, they are obligated to plan the party in their own budget. You don’t get a bill just because you are a bridesmaid.
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Katie · on December 22, 2018 at 4:58 PM
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Thank you all! I feel so much better! I thought maybe I was being unreasonable but it made me so angry! I will take your advice and provide my help setting up/clean up, etc, but explain that I can’t contribute as I hadn’t been involved in the planning or had a forewarning of this expenditure. Thank you!!
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Mim · on December 22, 2018 at 5:29 PM
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This, excerpt I wouldn't say "Unfortunately, I am not able to contribute." I'd simply say "I won't be contributing"

It's rude and completely unreasonable for anyone to ever try to spend someone else's money. She is completely out of line.
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VIP November 2019
Katie · on December 22, 2018 at 8:28 PM
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I agree . This is not your fault. They dropped the ball
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Super July 2019
Rachel · on December 22, 2018 at 9:48 PM
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Wow that’s a crazy amount! I don’t think guests, bridesmaid or not, need to contribute or should be asked to. Showers do not need to be extravagant and costly and they are not a requirement for the wedding. Lots of people do not have showers. Not to mention the fact that they asked the night before is so tacky!
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Expert January 2019
Sunshine · on December 22, 2018 at 9:48 PM
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Ugh this drives me crazy, I was a bm a couple years ago and the MOH told all the bms we had to pay XX dollars for the shower. We never even discussed hosting it together or anything. I wasn’t even in state at the time and wasn’t going to be there. You’re not hosting, you don’t pay. And $200 - omg!
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Super June 2019
Eamsee · on December 23, 2018 at 12:28 AM
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Yes, this is a straight to the point and appropriate reply. What she did was flat out rude. If she had the intention of asking the rest of the bridal part to contribute toward the cost, then that should have been discussed before any arrangements had been made. Like you said, they could have easily hosted it at your home and saved a bunch on cost, but you were never consulted on the issue.
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Bridal Shower Costs

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