Bridal shower concerns

If the wedding guest list was drastically cut then the original shower invites need to have a follow up cancellation notice. Outside of work showers or those hosted by houses of worship or your weekly book club, it is seen as gift grabby and a faux pas to invite anyone to shower (which is a physical gift giving event) who is not on the guest list for the wedding.



As far as the wedding itself, at the beginning of the pandemic, the etiquette gurus Miss Manners and Emily Post were asked in online articles how to navigate cutting the guest list after invites and save the dates are sent and postponing the ceremony, etc. They were clear that all of the original wedding guests must receive a cancellation notice because that event is no longer taking place. Even if all you are doing is cutting the guest list in half. The remaining guests would receive new invites.
Uninviting someone without a cancellation notice that the wedding will no longer take place on that day at that time is a relationship ending move. Similar to asking someone to no longer be a bridesmaid because they are a bad fit (the wrong person was asked, they asked way too early so the relationship changed, etc).

View Quoted Comment Okay. So that confirms my thoughts. At this point I feel stuck. Not sure how to handle the “shared” expenses especially since I have no input, name is not on invite (not even under …given by bridesmaids…. ) Something is just not right here. Any advise about my contributions. I will not be attending - full time student here.

View Quoted Comment I would just say that you aren’t in a place where you can contribute financially to that event and that you hope the bride has fun. Unless you offered to help host the shower, you’re under no obligation to assist with the cost.

View Quoted Comment Talk to the other bridesmaids and let them know you can’t afford to contribute. Ask for a refund of any money spent because the shower is not taking place or consider it a loss and a lesson learned. If you did not agree to contribute and help host, you are not under obligation to spend money on a party you are not involved with.


Bride’s mom needs to be an adult with former and current guests, and ignoring people is not adult behavior.

YIKES. So much here. No the guests should not still be invited to the shower, it's rude of them to expect these people to attend a pre-wedding event while being disinvited to the wedding.

Was budget discussed with you initially before the MOH planned this? If not just say that it's not within your budget to provide funds, maybe offer your time instead. If you agreed to an original amount to contribute, just do that amount. If you're not attending, wish everyone well and say you won't be there. The wedding party are not obligated to pay for parties. That's a gift and is not mandatory.

Frankly this whole thing sounds like a bit of a mess. Is the bride a really good friend?

So much yikes. Since it sounds like you're not a shower host and you're not involved with the planning the shower either, you don't owe them a cent. Showers are funded by the hosts. Nobody who was uninvited to the wedding should be invited to the shower. That's incredibly tacky and gift grabby.

It's odd that you weren't invited to the bridal shower at the very least. But no, you don't owe anything because you weren't involved with the planning. Your mom can decide if she wants to go or not. She's probably trying to be supportive of her friend. They must be going through something to be going through such big changes.
Is the bride your friend? Have you talked to her about this?