Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Just Said Yes June 2018

Bridal shower blunder

Bridget, on April 4, 2018 at 4:43 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

Saved

Flag
Hide content

I need help with a bridal shower quandry: my close friend is getting married in September, and I am a bridesmaid. Her 21-year-old sister is her maid of honor, and is in charge of planning her bridal shower and bachelorette party. A month ago, the MOH decided that the shower should be a secret/surprise for the bride. I cautioned her that a surprise shower would mean that we couldn't get the guest list from the bride, and risked missing inviting people. She ignored my advice, and created a Facebook event for the secret bridal shower, without consulting the bride on the guest list. The MOH then asked me to invite any friends of mine/the bride's that the MOH was not Facebook friends with, and I obliged.

Here's the problem: the MOH managed to get a peek at the wedding guest list, and two of my friends who have already RSVP'ed "yes" to the shower are NOT invited to the wedding. Now the MOH is demanding I explain to my friends that they will not be invited to the shower either.

I'm in an impossible position here. It could be awkward for these two friends to realize they aren't invited to the wedding, but they will definitely be upset if I revoke their bridal shower invite in addition. But what can I do? Alert the bride, ruin the surprise, and incur certain wrath from the MOH? Uninvite my friends and allow resentment to fester toward the bride who did NOTHING wrong? HELP!

Flag
Hide content

6 Comments

Latest activity by Bridget, on April 4, 2018 at 10:39 PM

Expert May 2019
Preslee · on April 4, 2018 at 4:50 PM
Flag

Hide content
Unfortunately, I would explain the situation to the friends. Let them know exactly what happened, you don't have to be rude (i know it's a horrible situation for you). But I don't think you should leave them under the impression that they should come to the shower because they will expect an invitation to the wedding. I would let them know it was a surprise so you invited mutual friends not knowing.
- Reply
Expert June 2018
LeeAnne · on April 4, 2018 at 4:54 PM
Flag

Hide content
I honestly would just tell the bride. No offense but her sister is an idiot for not looking at the list in the first place or since her sister made the mistake & thought a surprise shower with no guest list was a good idea make her take care of it with those girls.
- Reply
VIP September 2018
rica · on April 4, 2018 at 5:00 PM
Flag

Hide content
Definitely not good on the sister's part. But I would just take the blame if I were you. Tell these friends that you just found out the wedding will be smaller than you had anticipated, therefore the shower will be as well. Even if they are upset with you, at least that gets your friend off the hook.
- Reply
VIP December 2018
Xandria · on April 4, 2018 at 5:43 PM
Flag

Hide content
What a pickle!
I would explain to the two (not) guests the situation, and find out if they want to come to the shower anyway. Let them make that choice, and talk to MOH about making sure she knows what you're doing. This puts the power in the hands of the friends, and instead of you pulling things out from under them they understand the situation.
- Reply
Super May 2018
Rachel · on April 4, 2018 at 6:05 PM
Flag

Hide content
I agree with PP on this one- explain to the guests that the wedding will be smaller than you realized so that they probably won't get an invitation. Then let them decide if they still want to come to the shower or not. That way you aren't formally disinviting them, and they can decide what they want to do. If I were the guests in this situation, I would probably still come to the shower.
- Reply

Just Said Yes June 2018
Bridget · on April 4, 2018 at 10:39 PM
Flag

Hide content
Thank you for all the advice everyone. I think I will take the fall and break the news. I just hope there aren't any more mishaps and the rest of the planning goes smoothly.
- Reply