Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party Help

You should not be the one planning your bridal shower or bachelorette party. If someone offers to host something for you they will handle everything. If no one offers to host then you won’t have one.

The PP is right here - Really your MOH should be taking control of this. But for me, once I knew my MOH was planning to throw a Bach party, I had no problem texting all my girls and saying “what dates work?” (We had a 4 month engagement and my weekends were already tied up for the most part so I didn’t want to leave that part up to fate!!)

I have heard of many brides who have their Bach party on Friday/Saturday and then have their bridal shower on Sunday while everyone is still in town. Maybe you could mention this to MOH. Also, I would wait until a few months out from the wedding at the most (although it doesn’t hurt to have the dates planned in advance). The point of a Bach party is that it’s your “last hoorah,” so I always feel weird going to friends’ when they’re not getting married for another several months. It’s not a big deal though either way.

When my best friend got married just about everyone in the bridal party lived out of state so we had her bachelorette party the night of her shower.

Def don't be planning them. That is what your bridal party is supposed to do. Let them all figure out their schedules and plan. Sit back and relax. Your shower maybe a suprise party planned by your girls. Don't stress over that. That is the MOH job.

I live in MT and my MoH lives in NC and bridesmaid lives in CA. I am planning on traveling to FL where the rest of our family is at and having the bridal shower and Bachelorette party in the same day. Bridal shower and then go out to eat and maybe dancing afterwards. Everyone will already be there

You don't plan either of those events. Those are parties that someone should host for you. Give it some more time and your MOH, mother, or someone else close to you will probably start planning them for you.

You're the bride you have enough to worry about let them take care of the planning of these events for you .

I agree with what everyone is saying do not host your bridal shower or bachelorette party just give ideas. In regards to your bridal party traveling multiple times I’m sure the person won’t mind as much because they want to be present for you. I was in a wedding as a bridesmaid. I was consistently traveling down to Florida and I did not mind.

Agree with pp's about letting others figure out if/when these happen. If they do choose/offer to host them, it's not likely the planning needs to begin for about another 18 months, so I'd drop this as a topic of conversation/concern. We planned daughter's shower in less than 6 weeks from setting the shower date and it was perfect. (Also, if you've also already asked your wedding party, you're WAY ahead of the suggested timeline on that. If it's already done, oh, well, you can't do anything about it, but this far out there isn't really ANYTHING your bridal party needs to be involved in other than just being your friends the way they were before you asked them. If you haven't already specifically asked them, read some "wedding party regret" posts and you'll understand why you might want to wait at least a year to do so.) Good luck!

Thank you guys for all the advice! I'm definitely not hosting the party. I already have people that have volunteered. I was just looking for ways to include my far away party members easier. Some of those flights get expensive! Ya'll have really helped out! Also, I know I'm ahead of the schedule with asking some of these questions. I'm work 2 jobs and go to school full time, so I'm doing a little here and there ahead of schedule. I've already got a lot knocked off the list. This was just a curiosity question of how others have dealt with out of state bp members. Thank ya'll again!

Showers and bachelorette parties are minor parties of the wedding. The entire bridal party is not expected to attend, if it means long or expensive travel. If your friends are financially well off and can afford to travel 3 times, then whoever plans a party, NOT YOU, may invite them. Then again, maybe only one or two of your friends will actually volunteer to throw a shower. They decide how many of your friends and family they want to host. And which people to invite. If they only have 15-20, and that includes some friends and family, they need not invite any distant people. Shower hostesses cannot be told, you must host your party on this date or that, so particular far off guests can come. They may not even be planning to invite them. You need to leave it to those who volunteer to give the party. They will decide how many guests, and a few dates when they can give the party. They then will ask you if you ( not every one of your bridal party) are available one of those dates. You may say yes, or decline to have them throw any party at all. But you cannot ask them to work around the schedules of 6 people, or any traveling long distances. Given that you have a long time before your wedding, do yourself a favor and go to a public library or bookstore and get a real etiquette manual. Not online. A book that is like a cookbook, that tells you what is the polite thing to do in all social circumstances of life and work, start to finish. Q and A places online like this answer specific questions, long after you may have made whopping mistakes, which leave everyone thinking you are really rude or socially ignorant. When really, if you had an instruction book to begin with, you would have started out fine. Do not rely on tv shows, or articles supported by the wedding industry. They tell you all kinds of things that are wonderful new ideas ( like honeymoon funds). Which are wonderful only because they increase the money you spend, and make the wedding relayed companies rich. But a lot are really bad ideas, or ones that will leave friends and family thinking you are the rudest person on the planet. So take advantage of the time you have to find out how to go about things. Go to a columnist book like Miss Manners, not something shilling for the wedding industry. Ones that tell you right up front, the wedding party members have no duties, none, except to get the dress or suit, and show up dressed and well groomed at least a half hour before the ceremony on wedding day. They may volunteer to give a party, some of them. Or maybe no one wants to. They are not required to do it. And it would be very rude for you to start planning things you should not even be planning, like showers and bachelorettes , things you should absolutely stay out of, all this time ahead. Only to make a lot of friends really angry at you for being presumptuous or arrogant enough to be planning parties to get gifts for yourself, or honor yourself. So put on the brakes. Find out what you should be doing . And do not try to make this the everlasting wedding team project. There is nothing any wedding party needs to do until the last 6 months. Nothing. Why most brides do not choose wedding party until the last 9-10 months. If you start talking about it now with WP, a year before the wedding you will already have people sick to death of hearing about it. A lot happens in a couple of years with friendships. It is pretty likely one or more people you have named now, will not be in the WP by wedding day. Maybe not 5 of them. You two can decide on a general guest list around 12-15 months, and book a venue early if you want. You can plan long range finances now. But nothing, nothing about the wedding party, or any minor parties like showers, bachelorette, until under 9 months. For all you know, by a couple of years from now when your wedding comes around, one of your people may have become engaged, and planned a wedding for the week before yours. And say, sorry, too busy, and dropout 4 months ahead. One or two, even if friends for 10 years now, may no longer be be someone you ever see or talk too. One may be having twins a month before your wedding. You will be angry and bitter if you build dreams in detail, and person after person drops out, or has no interest, or tells you you are expecting too much. Slow down. Stop details of planning. Enjoy just being a couple. 😊 You have a better chance of having everything work out well when planned closer to the event. The happy experience that you want.

I have 9 bridesmaids. I'm from CA and now live in CO. My bridesmaids are in CA, CO, SD, WI, and AZ. My bridal shower & bachelorette are in CA (6/8 BM are attending both of those) and I'm having a second bridal shower in CO hosted by my mother for our CO family & friends. My bridal shower is in March 2019, bachelorette May 2019 and wedding July 2019.