Bridal Party

I had 9 bridesmaids. 5 were my best friends and all knew I'd ask them. Of those 5, I've had one best friend for the past 23 years consistently so it was obvious she would be my maid of honor. The other 4 were my husband's sisters. I always knew I'd ask them, it wasn't a question. We both wanted our family very involved. Out of the 9, 8 lived out of state. They did zero planning besides the bachelorette. My mom planned the bridal shower.

I asked my closest friends, that’s all the thought I put into it. Are you concerned they won’t show up to the wedding?

I had 4 bridesmaids and 1 groomswoman which included my sister, my brother, my brother's wife, my husband's sister, and a friend of mine. I picked those closest to me. None of them live in the state I live in and the venue was in a different state than where I live. I had no issues with the girls living in different states. To me that isn't an issue unless they can't travel to the wedding. The only thing your bridal party is required to do is getting a dress and be there next to you on your wedding day.

I have my 3 sisters and my FH's sister as bridesmaids and my best friend the MOH. my MOH lives in another state so she hasn't really been able to be super hands on with making any DIY projects but she has been so helpful with finding decorations and sending me pictures and options for inspiration.

I asked my two older sisters and FSIL, it wasn't a difficult decision for me. You should choose based on who you're closest to and who you can't imagine not having by your side on your wedding day.

Its VERY important from the start to let all of the party participants know that its not a game and they will need to be serious and reliable alot throughout the planning process. this way you could remind them of that fact that you warned them if they were to slip up. that should solve it. it is, however, important to only include those closest to you. then there shouldnt be an issue whatsoever. id just pre-warn everyone (i had to do this because im totally bride-zilla and want everything done a certain way but all my girls were fine with it) just so everyone knows what theyre in for. good luck!!!

I chose girls close to my heart - my best friend, 2 sisters and local friend who has been a great source of support. My best friend and 2 sisters live in different states and my local friend is a single mom (and I made it clear that I didn't want to add a financial burden on her, so if she couldn't manage the basics, i.e. dress, I would understand if she said no). Because of everyone's location and resources, I just expect them the day of.

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Not the wedding just helping with the planning in the first place. I know there are certain things the BM do for you and I just worry if they will foloow through or be apart of things. Showing up to the wedding isnt the concern its everything leading up to it.

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Thats a good point. You actually made me feel better about making my SIL my bridesmaid because her son, my nephew is going to be my ring bearer anyways. Thank you.

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YESSS!! Me too lol my FH has already told me I am already a bridezilla because I am so so so picky and want everything done my way. I am also a pre-planner because of this so with my wedding date being so far away he doesnt understand why I have started anything now but it is simply to have everything ready and to go smooth when the time comes that it is just a year away. Thank you!

View Quoted Comment Planning the wedding is up to you and your FS, no one else. I wouldn’t exclude your closest friends from your bridal party because they don’t want to plan your wedding.

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I didnt mean to insinuate I want them in charge of the actual wedding just the things like helping with DIY stuff I want to do to save money and I am too controlling on my pickiness and how I want things. I just mean the bachelorette stuff and help with the bridal shower and decorations. I dont really expect a whole lot just some help here and there. I dont have a lot of people to give me advice on how things are done since not many people in my family are married and if they are it was eloping.

View Quoted Comment I hear you 100%. the guys would wait until a week before to plan anything involving a wedding if they could lol. youre very welcome!

Ask who you want to ask!

My two MOHs are my closest best friends. Then it goes my SIL, my cousin, and then two of my other best friends as BMs. Originally we were only going to have 5 on each side, and I was going to ask one of BM best friends to be a reader, but I was guilt tripped by my mom to ask my brother's fiance to be a reader. SO I asked that best friend to be a BM. I have 6 on my side, and my FH has 5, and then we have two ushers.

There is no written rule book on everything that BMS and MOHs have to do. All of my girls live out of state, but I wouldn't change who I asked for anything! Between my FH's family, and my close friends who live in town, I have a lot of help. So ask who is closest to you, and ask who you can't imagine not being up there with you!

View Quoted Comment They are only obligated to show up wearing the chosen attire (which you should consult their budget about beforehand privately.)
They can plan a bachelorette and/or wedding shower but are not obligated or required to.
Choose who you are closest to and not what they can do for you.

I live in New York and all four of my girls live out of state. My MOH lives in Bama. I choose them because they are super close to me and I can't imagine standing up there marrying my fiance with anyone else. I didn't choose them for their planning skills. Actually, I haven't hardly done any planning with them. My fiance and I have enjoyed doing it together and making the decisions. I have asked them for their opinion though. What are the reasons you are concerned that they aren't reliable? Like they won't travel for it. etc? Or they won't help with the planning?

Honestly I chose people i was closest to. This didn't mean they were the most reliable though aha. So I'd go with who you can't imagine not there vs who is most organized

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Well when it comes to "planning" I mainly mean the bachelorette and bridal shower and them showing up, which would suck with not having my SIL that lives out of state cant come for. I guess thank god for facetime, but also the ones here showing up. I just need support and I think its more on me at the end of the day overthinking it I just wanted advice and what everyone else did with deciding.

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I can understand that. One of my bridesmaids wasn't able to make it to my bridal shower. She was planning on coming but then she had a dear friend pass away. Otherwise she would have been there. We are doing the bachelorette party the Thursday before the wedding so that everyone doesn't have to travel three times; once for the bridal shower, once for the bachelorette party, and once for the wedding. They are all going to be there early for the wedding anyway.

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You make this sound like a job. I am glad you were so upfront with all of your requirements and stipulations but I doubt everyone is as happy with this as you think. They are probably just biting their tongues a lot.