Bridal party

What did the bride say are her expectations? Do you just buy a dress and show up or are there extra things she has required? A dress should not cost more than $200 on the high end. What exactly is is included in your $3K quote?

View Quoted Comment So the hotel will cost me 1500 , airfare 400, and the rest are all the other expenses like dress, alterations , hair, makeup , rental car, etc. I am expected to go to all the events which will be up in PA and I live in FL. The 3k is not including the bachelorette party , bridal shower , etc. she is having her wedding at a very high end resort , and I am required to stay there and pay for a room

Oh dang... that's a lot of $$ to drop. i think it's ok to say that you just are not able to financially commit to that.

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I'm sorry, but your friend and her significant other have losts their minds if they are expecting you or anyone else to spend $1,500 to stay at the hotel in the resort. There is no way anyone should be expected to pay that much money for accommodations. As someone from PA, there are definitely cheaper options. Who has made it required that you stay at the resort?

As for other expenses, could you Uber where you need to go rather than renting a car or is that not an option? Hair and makeup you could easily do yourself and if the bride is requiring it to be professionally done then she should cover the cost.

And who says you have to attend all events? My bride's man didn't attend my shower and two of my bridesmaids didn't attend my bachelorette party. My bride's man had to work so he wasn't able to make it to the shower. One of my bridesmaids was sick and the other's husband surprised her with a trip to Florida for their wedding anniversary. It is perfectly understandable why you wouldn't be able to attend extra events since you live out of state.

Let her know that you are unable to attend and afford certain things. Pre wedding parties are optional. How many nights are you required to book the hotel. 2 nights is plenty if you are on a budget and you don’t have to go with the most expensive hotel either. If a Hampton Inn or Motel 6 is all you can afford then that’s what you do.

I would love for someone to tell me I’m required to stay at a resort that’s $1500 out of my pocket. They have lost their mind. If you’re required to stay a a specific hotel/resort, the bride can pay for it.

Just let her know you can't as you are in the process of buying a home and can't make large purchases

I think finances is a perfectly good reason not to accept being in the wedding party. Also that hotel cost is insane. Why exactly are you required to stay at the resort? Usually those places do have a "day pass" system to access the resort for wedding guests that are not staying.

I would tell her what you told us, that you have some pretty big expenses right now, and you won't be able to take on the expense of an out of state wedding as well. Thank her for asking you, tell her you're honored by the invitation, and you hope she'll still have you as a guest (as long as guests aren't also required to stay at the $1500 hotel).

I'm sorry you have to navigate this. But, if she is truly your friend, she'll understand that you just can't swing those costs at this point in your life. Frankly, I think a lot of people who could afford it still wouldn't want to. That's a lot of money for someone else's wedding.

She is asking an absurd amount

It's always OK to decline the offer to be in a wedding party and your finances should always be a valid reason for decision making. As soon as possible (so it's not hanging over your head), thank her for the invitation and tell her you can't accept due to your finances. Don't over explain and don't indicate that her actual demands are unreasonable. Just state your boundary simply (choosing how you spend your own money) and then drop it. Change the subject to something neutral and not wedding related.

And remember, that even if she gets upset, you aren't doing anything wrong. A good friendship will weather this kind of disappointment just fine.