Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Savvy September 2020

Bridal Party trouble

Kourtney, on January 1, 2020 at 1:00 PM Posted in Planning 0 9

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Hello!! Happy New Year!! 2020 brides I’m so excited for us as we’re getting closer to our dates!

I recently had a big blow up with my bridal party which resulted in me from starting with a bridal party of 6 to now I have a total bridal party of 4. In April 2019, the bridal party decided that they wanted to have a bachelorette trip in March 2020. It seemed like we were all on the same page until one of them asked me the exact dates of the trip a few days ago. Frustrated, because we’ve been discussing and finalizing the dates of the trip for months, I asked all the bridesmaids to confirm that they were attending the trip, that they were good with the dates, and the deadline to purchase the tickets so we could all be on the same flight. Only two people responded. The other girls who did not confirm, were active on social media.
Frustrated with the lack of communication, lack of organization, and uncertainty of the trip, I cancelled it. We were not all on the same page. I thought it was not fair that I became in charge and stressed about a trip that they wanted to have for me. At this point, the girls had not spent any money on the trip. The lack of communication was so frustrating. I stated we could focus on obtaining their dresses, shoes, etc. first. Then later, we could plan a local trip possibly closer to the wedding dates if that’s what they wanted to do.
Some of the bridesmaids were not happy about this decision. One of the girls who did not respond, but who was active on social media was my maid of honor. Me and her have always had an off and on relationship since elementary school. I texted her separately and told her I did not want her to be in the bridal party. Her response to this was quick and she seemed unfazed. A few minutes later I received a text message from my cousin, a bridesmaid, who stated that the cancellation of the trip was “too much drama” and that she no longer wanted to be part of the bridal party. She was supposed to make the cake for the wedding.
I know this is a long post but I wanted to provide a back story. This change has left me feeling hurt, betrayed, not good enough, etc. If y’all have had girls who voluntarily left or had to removed girls from your bridal party, how did you move forward? I’m having a hard time.

Flag
Hide content

9 Comments

Latest activity by Alicia, on January 8, 2020 at 8:29 PM

Savvy June 2021
Dulaney · on January 1, 2020 at 1:14 PM
Flag

Hide content
1) it was inappropriate for you to kick your MOH out of your wedding through a text. But with tgat being said...
2) you shouldn’t have been planning/worrying about your own bachelorette party. That’s the bridal parties job
3) they weren’t supposed to be tagging along on a vacation that you planned. They were supposed to be planning a trip FOR you and ABOUT you4) you are the bride. I think it’s time to pull the bride card
So. With all that said. I would honestly create a group chat with the 6 people (including the two that dropped out) and tell them how absolutely ridiculous and inappropriate their behavior is.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this, I wish you luck!
- Reply
Savvy September 2020
Kourtney · on January 1, 2020 at 1:19 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Hello!
1) You are absolutely right about removing my maid of honor via text. However, two weeks ago I asked to speak to her in person to have a conversation about the disappointment I was feeling fromher. She gave me a hard time about it and declined the meeting.
2) I was trying to tell them that!! It was not right that all the weight of the trip that they planned was on me. I expressed that multiple times. They didn’t give it a second though.
That’s such a great suggestion! Thank you so much for this perspective.
- Reply
Champion July 2019
Veronica · on January 1, 2020 at 2:17 PM
Flag

Hide content
I had a total of three girls drop out. My sister-in-law and another good from of mine both came to me after the fact and told me they would love to be in my wedding. They knew everything that happened and said they would love to be there for me so we ended up having even numbers after all.

Bridesmaid #1 - I was nervous about having her in my wedding to begin with because she isn't the most reliable. I talked it over with my then maid of honor who was also friends with this girl and my maid of honor assured me she thought bridesmaid #1 could be counted on so I asked her. We started planning a trip to look at bridesmaids dresses. Bridesmaid #1 was the only work that worked weekends so I planned it around her schedule. Day before I sent a reminder text. She came back with what are talking about. She completely forgot about dress shopping or requesting off of work. She also suddenly had no money for the dress and didn't know if she would. She also wouldn't provide her address for the save the date. I asked her point blank if she wanted to be in the wedding she said she didn't know so I told her I was taking it as a no.

Maid of Honor - On Christmas Eve, her brother stole her phone and was yelling at me via text about his sister having to spend money on my wedding. She called me a few days later and apologized because she had no clue he was texting me and claimed she didn't agree with anything he said. Fast forward a week later, she called me dropping out because she thought I wanted her to spend a bunch of money. My mom and sister-in-law were planning my shower because she never got back to them after she originally reached out to them about planning it with them. We hadn't even discussed a bachelorette party at that point. Come to find out she was badmouthing my husband and I to friends and family. She didn't support our relationship and didn't think I should be marrying him.

Bridesmaid #2 - My former co-worker/supervisor. I was fired from my job not by her, but by the owner of the law firm I worked for. She felt uncomfortable being in my wedding after that.
- Reply
Master November 2020
Kristen · on January 1, 2020 at 2:33 PM
Flag

Hide content
I am sorry for your frustration. I do not agree with removing the MOH via text as the first poster said but it sounds like to me that is a friendship that may need to be over permanently. I would say I can see two of the ladies being bothered by the decision to cancel the trip. I would have been bothered too. When it comes to travel I do not feel that they are obligated to spend money to travel if they cannot. I am not sure if that is the reason. I think you are justified in that there is no communication and I think it would not be bad to sit down with all ladies face to face and just ask that there be more communication among the ladies to make sure they are on the same page. I am sorry that you are going through the drama though. Hope things gets better and that everything goes smoother.
- Reply
Savvy September 2020
Kourtney · on January 1, 2020 at 3:41 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Hi! Yes I understand what your saying. However I don’t regret my decision of letting her know about not being in the wedding via text. I tried to talk to MOH about two weeks ago about in person, however she gave me a hard time. She would not meet with me.
Also, I’m not sure why they should be bothered about me cancelling a bachelorette trip that was their idea, but they put all the responsibility on me. I shouldn’t be planning my own bachelorette party. The trip was definitely their idea, but it was very unorganized. Thank you so much though! I hope things smooth out as well.
- Reply
Savvy September 2020
Kourtney · on January 1, 2020 at 3:45 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Wow!! That’s so unfortunate! Weddings sure have a way of people showing you their true colors. It’s relieving to know that I’m not the only one who has undergone bridesmaids drama though. Thanks so much for your story!
- Reply
Master November 2020
Kristen · on January 1, 2020 at 3:59 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I totally see your perspective and I do feel that your ladies should be communicative. I am sorry your moh was acting that way but maybe you two have officially outgrown each other. Plan another bachelorette party as you should have one and have fun. ☺️
- Reply
Champion July 2019
Veronica · on January 1, 2020 at 4:02 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

You definitely aren't alone. I hope it works out for you.
- Reply

Savvy June 2021
Alicia · on January 8, 2020 at 8:29 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

Hi Kourtney, I too had a bridal party of 6 and now I have 4 which some weren't even in the party originally. People really started to show their colors and caused a lot of drama. Don't feel alone in this type of drama, just know who wants to be sanding by your side will be there. You don't want anyone in your wedding who won't be there for your marriage. This your time, your day ! Good luck.
- Reply