Mary
Just Said Yes March 2021

Bridal Party Sister Advice

Mary, on September 13, 2019 at 7:33 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 22
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I recently got engaged. My sister was married this past June and made me her MOH. She said I was the closest girl to her in her life. Which was super sweet, although I thought she had a lot of close girl friends her age (she is 5 years older than me). Anyways, I don't really feel that close to my sister. I love her as a sister and appreciate all she has done for me (allowed me to live in her basement for hecka cheap), but I don't see her in my wedding party. I see just my three best friends and my fiance's sister-in-law who I have been getting closer to. Of course she will be included in all the wedding festivities (maybe not bachelorette depending on what we do), and she will be getting ready with my, my bridesmaids and my brothers fiance. Is okay that im not including her in my party? Any advice on how to handle any possible disappointment?

22 Comments

  • Caytlyn
    Champion November 2019
    Caytlyn Online ·
    You’re not obligated to put anyone in your bridal party. There’s really no way to avoid her being upset about it though.
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2019
    Michelle ·

    I know a lot of people on here will say you don't have to put her in the bridal party but if she is your sister and you two have not had any issues she is going to feel some type of way about not being your MOH and not being in the bridal party. You may no longer have a relationship at all after that. And you mentioned her being 5 years older than you, that's not a huge age gap, although age has nothing to do with it. You can still have your friend be you maid of honor and now that your sister is married she will be your matron of honor. It's your wedding and your family but in my opinion you are going to hurt her feelings and the relationship that you two have now. I know if I told one of my sisters she was the closest thing to me and asked her to be my maid of honor and the she told me that she didn't even see me being in her wedding at all and we're not even that close I would die

  • M
    Super September 2019
    Mrs. Bubba ·
    Okay, ask her to Hostess. You can say that since she just got married, you don’t want to cause her any additional expenses.

    Please know that she will probably expect to be in the Bridal Party or participate in some way.
  • M
    Super September 2019
    Mrs. Bubba ·
    Congratulations and 🍀‼️
  • Stephanie
    Dedicated July 2020
    Stephanie ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with you Michelle. I would die inside if I wasn't included in my sisters wedding and we're 9 years apart. She's my maid of honor for my wedding. There's no way you're not going to hurt your sister's feelings unfortunately.
  • Laura
    Rockstar November 2019
    Laura ·
    I know the general wisdom is that you’re not obligated to put anyone in your WP. But I think this may be an exception. Because of what she said and how recently it happened, I think you need to suck it up and put her in the WP.
  • Aubrie
    Dedicated September 2019
    Aubrie ·
    So while you aren't obligated, I doubt there will be "possible" disappointment. More like for sure disappointment. Especially adding a sister in law you are getting close to versus your actual sister. Would it actually hurt anything to have her in the party? If I were in your situation, I would ask her.

  • G
    Dedicated June 2020
    Gabby ·
    I was sort of on board with you not adding your sister until you said you would add your sister in law. That would really be a slap in the face if I was your sister.
  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree with this. I don't think there's any way to avoid hurting your sister's feelings, so be prepared for the relationship to suffer a bit

  • Diana
    Rockstar December 2019
    Diana ·
    I would be upset if I wasn’t including into your bridal party if I was your sister. And your FSIL was. That’s almost like slapping your sister in the face. You can still have your best friends,FSIL but I would definitely have your sister in your bridal party. On the other hand you ask her and she says no, due to her just getting married herself and possibly not having the extra money and declining that’s a different story.
  • Cheryl&rock
    VIP June 2019
    Cheryl&rock ·
    Oh my this brings back memories!
    When my sister got married she asked me to be a bridesmaid and her sister-in-law to be the maid of honor. I was crushed.
    Our wedding was this June 15th. I asked her to be my matron of honor. I would have felt horrible if I did to her what she had done to me.
    I'll never forget it, and it still hurts when I think of it!
  • W
    Dedicated September 2020
    Willow ·
    If you're having your sister in law but not your actual sister as part of your bridal party, that will be a huge slap in her face. ESP since she made you her maid of honor. Sisters always come first. Normally I'd say do what you want, but this is perhaps the one exception.
  • Stephanie
    Savvy October 2020
    Stephanie Online ·
    Possible disappointment? I think your sister is going to be heart broken!! Especially since your putting in your finances sister in law.. idk I think you should rethink having her in there I wouldn’t want to see you ruin your relationship with your sister..
  • Jennifer
    Super September 2020
    Jennifer ·
    I'm just over here trying to figure out why you accepted the role of MOH for her wedding. I feel terrible for your sister. She could have had a MOH who actually feels about her the way she felt about them. If there were ever a time to have had the conversation of closeness with her, it came and passed when you accepted the MOH position. My MOH is 7 years younger and is my oldest female cousin. I would have chosen my best friend for over 21 years instead, but she is like my little sister and, while I don't expect at all for her to ask me to be a MOH or whatever in the future, if I found out she really felt like you feel about your sister, I would feel so betrayed having had her accept the MOH invite. Forget being upset about not being in her future wedding.

    So, my advice here is to not include her in the wedding party as you truly don't want to. I think she should know how you really feel finally so that she can stop having a one-sided relationship with someone who clearly does not value her in the same way. The truth might hurt, but it will free her.
  • N
    Savvy December 2019
    Noemi Online ·
    Wao she can’t even be a bridesmaid waoo
  • N
    Savvy December 2019
    Noemi Online ·
    You are so right Jennifer
  • Merline
    Expert February 2020
    Merline ·
    My sister is 10 years older than me and also married. I have her as a bridesmaids. We just started getting close like 6 years ago. She doesnt have the best marriage with her husband, so she did decline when I asked her to be my matron. Which I was fine with because I wanted my best friend to be my matron, I was just being nice to her because I knew it would crush her if I didnt even offer. But, this is your wedding and whatever you decide to do she will be okay. I have a friend who I was the maid of honor in her wedding and she's a guest at mine.
  • Mary
    Just Said Yes March 2021
    Mary ·
    Thank you for the advice. For clarification, I don't think my sister thinks we are bff's either. Her close female friends are all coworkers and that's obviously a little bit different than friends friends sometimes. Most of her best friends are male, the best being the groom's best man. I think it was strictly that I was just the closest female in her life at the point. I'm not really close with many people and wasn't even planning on having a MOH at all. Just my closest friends as bridesmaids since my FH wants a bridal party.

    I also think I'm having trouble grasping the big deal about her being in my wedding because I really don't care for the getting married part. The actual marriage is what I value. I'd be happing eloping. But my FH family would be angry if we don't have a ceremony and reception.
  • L
    Dedicated September 2019
    LJ ·
    I see both sides of this, but I would just add that if you don’t care, and the knowledge that excluding her could hurt her feelings pretty deeply, you need to decide if excluding her from your wedding party is worth hurting her and likely damaging your relationship with her. It may be- and that’s ok for reasons some PP mentioned already, ie opening up a more honest path with her. Other side, it may not be: you have a tough time being close with people, but she opened her life and home to you when you needed it, so perhaps you share a closer bond than you see.

    Just be sure of yourself, because once the decision is made and shared with her, it’s a bell you can’t un-ring.
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD Online ·

    I imagine if you don't put her in your bridal party after you were her MOH, there will be some problems with her and your living situation.

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